Razed Expectations

December 24, 2009
Wisps of smoke danced into the wintry air from my lips, creating ornate designs that could never be replicated. I carefully tilted the corners of my lips into a smile that I meant to be wry. Of course, it's difficult to articulate emotions that I can't feel, but I find that irony is relatively simple to demonstrate. I inhaled the toxic vapors of the cigarette casually. Its sinister, black cancer couldn't cripple a seventeen-year-old boy with no lungs, let alone a heart.
I glanced in the direction of the horizon, and flinched. The sun was dying flamboyantly, casting its radiant colors across the sky. Its last waves of light caressed my cold, pale skin. I wanted to snarl rebelliously as I felt its warmth slide against me deviously.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
My muscles went rigid, and I had to focus madly on controlling my shaking hands. I would know that voice, that beautiful, disastrous voice, in the realms beyond that of Earth. I grated my teeth, reeling in the disturbing sensations that she unknowingly always aroused in me.
I cocked my body towards her arrogantly, and lifted my mouth into a crooked crescent moon. I felt my eyes flashing, but I worked vehemently to fixate an arctic, hard tone into the dark of my indigo irises.
“I find the sunset lifeless and meaningless, actually,” I countered flatly, and a beat too late.
She laughed merrily, and I struggled within myself as my mind and body became entranced by the beautiful movement of her laughter as the colors of the sun played about her.
“You amuse me, Darian. How can you have such a pessimistic view of the world? The sun will not be lifeless until it disappears beneath the horizon, and the night falls. It’ll rise tomorrow, though,” she said.
I dared not think of her name. I hated the way my soul-if I had a soul-thrilled when her voice lingered over my name. It reminded me of music. I had to close my mind defiantly as I thought of music. I wanted nothing that resembled passion.
“That’s an inane notion that foolish women entertain. You want poetry, and ridiculous vows of forever. You aren’t difficult to read. If you want that sunset to mean something, then you want unrequited love. It doesn’t work like that,” I growled unmercifully, angry at her for unleashing the flood of feelings upon me.
Her lovely green eyes shifted into hard emeralds.
“What do you know about me, Dare? And what’s so wrong with having dreams? And why are you talking to me like that? I was simply commenting on the sunset.” She tossed her red curls, clearly miffed.
I lifted my chin, and blew smoke in her face. It was easier on me when she was angry. I don’t know why she bothered with me. Why she was brave enough to confront me. Why she didn’t follow the laws of the superficial high school we both attended. Why she didn’t stay away from me, like everyone else.
“You’ll die from that smoking, Darian.” She glared at me. We’d had this argument a lot. I lifted my eyebrows, and turned away from her, signaling that the conversation was over.
She didn’t obey, and I sighed.
“You know, Dare, you could let yourself feel. You could understand it.” Her voice was soft, a whisper in the darkening air. She was air. My air.
I reviled the potency of the emotions I could feel pulsing through me. I ran a hand through my black hair nervously, my body skidding with strange, unfamiliar energy. I didn’t want to answer her. Why didn’t she leave?
I made a fatal mistake when I looked at her. Every nerve inside of me screamed, as though my body and internal organs were recharging hurriedly in the rare moment of my awakening.
I think I felt my heart beat hesitantly.
My voice seemed like that of a stranger. It had a rich, deep tone to it. It had color.
“Understand what?”
Something in my expression changed the way she was looking at me. It may have mirrored the arrangement of my own features. She became vulnerable in that instant.
“Kiss me.” She whispered brokenly.
Surprise jolted keenly through me. God, I wished I was numb again. Everything felt electric-too intense and too vivid. Emotions scattered across my being, a mutinous invasion of the raging war against myself. I was defenseless and an easy prey to her request. I breathed jaggedly, and there was a husky vibe to it. Want. I recognized it more clearly as it bloomed vibrantly through me.
And she was waiting. For me.
I destroyed the walls I had so warily built as I leaned towards her. She lifted a creamy hand and laid it tenderly against my cheek, the expectation making her bold. I moaned, and closed my eyes. My own hands loosened, and reached for her face greedily
Something hot-burning-ignited against my skin. I wrenched myself away, dazed by the unpleasant sensation. Had a spark traveled through our bodies? That’s when I noticed the cigarette kindling like a faint ember beside my marred hand. It had burnt me. The throbbing pain brought a wave of consciousness through me. Reality. And I stared at her face, inches from mine, and something clicked inside of me. Gears that began humming smoothly, like a tuned clock. I pulled back, and tossed her hand away like it stung. I grimaced as the vitals within me slowly resumed their state of nothingness, and shook my head to clear it of its nonsensical ideas.
She watched the change take possession of me, and tears began to collect in her eyes.
I found that I could care less.
I grinned at her, and mocked, “I taste of cigarettes, Clara.”
She got up shockingly to her feet, and backed away as if understanding for the first time what I was. Tears stained her nondescript face.
I smiled, that careful replication of a smile, and said acidly, “Did I humor your silly fantasies well?”
Her face crumpled entirely, and she pivoted away and ran sobbing from my scathing ridicule.
The sun died, and all was dark.

Join the Discussion

This article has 206 comments. Post your own now!

StarredCritic said...
Jan. 5, 2011 at 11:00 am
Sloane K. said...
Dec. 21, 2010 at 6:38 pm
Very interesting... you add a great sense of reality to your writings, which is more than some other writers can say. A little too heavy on the adjectives, like you're trying to hard, but overal: WOW! It was a great ending, I love how it didn't end like you expected it to.
StarredCritic replied...
Jan. 7, 2011 at 12:33 pm
I agree; however, the adjective usage was pleasant to my particular admiration of imagery.
Evaine said...
Dec. 21, 2010 at 7:19 am
woah.  even your authors note was deep.  woah.  great job!
Hannah.XD said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 7:12 pm
wow that was really intense..xD
MissionaryKid said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Write more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Music_luvr said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 9:00 am
Wow that was intense!!! :D But definitely in a good way!! I loved how you broke the tradition of ending with a sappy love scene!! When you post more stories let me know and I'll check it out!
effie said...
Nov. 10, 2010 at 9:24 pm
i was expecting a lovers embrace at the end. But it was something i couldn't even understand until i read a second time. I simply love it. Keep it up.
sabina22 said...
Oct. 16, 2010 at 8:33 am
really interesting to read! i enjoyed it a lot! it was very dark, but as someone below me accurately mentioned, it adds a touch of reality to it that's hard to replicate. well done! :)
pencils_4_hands This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 11:30 am
this is amazing! could you check out some of my stuff? that would mean soo much
DarkPoet said...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 2:36 pm
Wow that was really good. definatly keep writing!!
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 4, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Fabulous story, love Darian's aloofness and cruelty, adds an edge of reality.  If they get accepted, could you please read some of my work?  And keep writing!
Anj16 said...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 12:07 pm
you have a talent. one thing, though. don't rely too much on adverbs and adjectives. minimize the use a little bit.
Moogs replied...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:19 am

ur stupid

their vocab use made it 10 times better than it woulda been without it

this is like AMAZING


theclair22 replied...
Sept. 24, 2010 at 8:36 am
anj16 I agree with you. it's a beautiful acticle but it's also a little bit overloaded.
How's 'bout it? replied...
Feb. 9, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Sometimes I think I agree, because I've read this article too often to express, and each time it strikes me differently. Sometimes the literary usage is overwhelming, and sometimes it's romantic and refreshing. Sometimes I wonder if it should even be a Romance article. I wonder what the author was thinking and going through when he wrote it. I don't know. It baffles me. I like it. What about you?
ShelbyMarie93 replied...
Apr. 18, 2012 at 9:36 am
I think that the word choice the author chose was perfect.  It didn't seem overwhelming, in the least bit, and I think it helped portray the dark, yet sophisticated character in the piece.  I really enjoyed this and would totally jump on the chance to read if you wrote more about it!  Amazing job!
dancewritedream13 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 9:23 pm
You could seriously just write a book around these few lines! I would read it ten times over. It's dark, very dark, but I think it's perfect that way. It feels very real and very true.
cass said...
May 18, 2010 at 7:57 pm
this does sound a lot like Edward and Bella but I still really liked it
Popsicles? replied...
Feb. 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm
I am so sick of the reoccurring theme of Edward and Bella. It was entertaining and trivial, but it's the furthest thing from talent. I like "Razed" though. I like it a lot.
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