Razed Expectations

December 24, 2009
Wisps of smoke danced into the wintry air from my lips, creating ornate designs that could never be replicated. I carefully tilted the corners of my lips into a smile that I meant to be wry. Of course, it's difficult to articulate emotions that I can't feel, but I find that irony is relatively simple to demonstrate. I inhaled the toxic vapors of the cigarette casually. Its sinister, black cancer couldn't cripple a seventeen-year-old boy with no lungs, let alone a heart.
I glanced in the direction of the horizon, and flinched. The sun was dying flamboyantly, casting its radiant colors across the sky. Its last waves of light caressed my cold, pale skin. I wanted to snarl rebelliously as I felt its warmth slide against me deviously.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
My muscles went rigid, and I had to focus madly on controlling my shaking hands. I would know that voice, that beautiful, disastrous voice, in the realms beyond that of Earth. I grated my teeth, reeling in the disturbing sensations that she unknowingly always aroused in me.
I cocked my body towards her arrogantly, and lifted my mouth into a crooked crescent moon. I felt my eyes flashing, but I worked vehemently to fixate an arctic, hard tone into the dark of my indigo irises.
“I find the sunset lifeless and meaningless, actually,” I countered flatly, and a beat too late.
She laughed merrily, and I struggled within myself as my mind and body became entranced by the beautiful movement of her laughter as the colors of the sun played about her.
“You amuse me, Darian. How can you have such a pessimistic view of the world? The sun will not be lifeless until it disappears beneath the horizon, and the night falls. It’ll rise tomorrow, though,” she said.
I dared not think of her name. I hated the way my soul-if I had a soul-thrilled when her voice lingered over my name. It reminded me of music. I had to close my mind defiantly as I thought of music. I wanted nothing that resembled passion.
“That’s an inane notion that foolish women entertain. You want poetry, and ridiculous vows of forever. You aren’t difficult to read. If you want that sunset to mean something, then you want unrequited love. It doesn’t work like that,” I growled unmercifully, angry at her for unleashing the flood of feelings upon me.
Her lovely green eyes shifted into hard emeralds.
“What do you know about me, Dare? And what’s so wrong with having dreams? And why are you talking to me like that? I was simply commenting on the sunset.” She tossed her red curls, clearly miffed.
I lifted my chin, and blew smoke in her face. It was easier on me when she was angry. I don’t know why she bothered with me. Why she was brave enough to confront me. Why she didn’t follow the laws of the superficial high school we both attended. Why she didn’t stay away from me, like everyone else.
“You’ll die from that smoking, Darian.” She glared at me. We’d had this argument a lot. I lifted my eyebrows, and turned away from her, signaling that the conversation was over.
She didn’t obey, and I sighed.
“You know, Dare, you could let yourself feel. You could understand it.” Her voice was soft, a whisper in the darkening air. She was air. My air.
I reviled the potency of the emotions I could feel pulsing through me. I ran a hand through my black hair nervously, my body skidding with strange, unfamiliar energy. I didn’t want to answer her. Why didn’t she leave?
I made a fatal mistake when I looked at her. Every nerve inside of me screamed, as though my body and internal organs were recharging hurriedly in the rare moment of my awakening.
I think I felt my heart beat hesitantly.
My voice seemed like that of a stranger. It had a rich, deep tone to it. It had color.
“Understand what?”
Something in my expression changed the way she was looking at me. It may have mirrored the arrangement of my own features. She became vulnerable in that instant.
“Kiss me.” She whispered brokenly.
Surprise jolted keenly through me. God, I wished I was numb again. Everything felt electric-too intense and too vivid. Emotions scattered across my being, a mutinous invasion of the raging war against myself. I was defenseless and an easy prey to her request. I breathed jaggedly, and there was a husky vibe to it. Want. I recognized it more clearly as it bloomed vibrantly through me.
And she was waiting. For me.
I destroyed the walls I had so warily built as I leaned towards her. She lifted a creamy hand and laid it tenderly against my cheek, the expectation making her bold. I moaned, and closed my eyes. My own hands loosened, and reached for her face greedily
Something hot-burning-ignited against my skin. I wrenched myself away, dazed by the unpleasant sensation. Had a spark traveled through our bodies? That’s when I noticed the cigarette kindling like a faint ember beside my marred hand. It had burnt me. The throbbing pain brought a wave of consciousness through me. Reality. And I stared at her face, inches from mine, and something clicked inside of me. Gears that began humming smoothly, like a tuned clock. I pulled back, and tossed her hand away like it stung. I grimaced as the vitals within me slowly resumed their state of nothingness, and shook my head to clear it of its nonsensical ideas.
She watched the change take possession of me, and tears began to collect in her eyes.
I found that I could care less.
I grinned at her, and mocked, “I taste of cigarettes, Clara.”
She got up shockingly to her feet, and backed away as if understanding for the first time what I was. Tears stained her nondescript face.
I smiled, that careful replication of a smile, and said acidly, “Did I humor your silly fantasies well?”
Her face crumpled entirely, and she pivoted away and ran sobbing from my scathing ridicule.
The sun died, and all was dark.

Join the Discussion

This article has 206 comments. Post your own now!

Mremk said...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 7:30 pm
How.... how did you come up with this!?!?! It's freakishly AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ErinMM said...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Omg! That was awsome. You are a great writer, hope to read more. I so cant wait to find out what happeneds next, keep up the work!!!
Pumpkinscout said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Kind of scary and dark. But powerful. Why doesn't this guy want to feel anything? Why does he think he has no heart or soul and why doesn't he care about protecting his body from cancer? It leaves me wondering but not in a bad way. Great writing!
Leanne said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 9:31 am
Wow! that's amazing.. proper dark and intense... you should write more and explain why Dare is so afraid to feel and love. :')
GeekyChic said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Incredible piece i really wish to know more about what's going on with Dare and his background. so, please write more:)
writerfreak21231 said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 10:04 am
Nice story! keep writing!if anyone could go check out and post comments on my new article time, not space. That would be great! :) just click my user name! :)(:
. said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 7:46 am
Nice story!  Please check out mine, Sean Flynn, if you get the chance.  Thanks! 
NKsunshine said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 5:27 am
AMAZING!!!  Nuff said ;)
writerfreak21231 said...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 11:52 am
I loved the story! and was impressed! Great job! AMAZING!!!(Sorry for the advertizing!) If any of u coulld read my two stories called the beast and nightstalker, that would be great! Also please post comments saying if u liked it or not. Thanks! And keep writing! :D
booklover104 said...
May 14, 2011 at 1:05 am
congratz...amazing story....imagery,characteristics, everything!!
bethanyao said...
May 2, 2011 at 8:46 pm

i love it. the imagery was absolutely fantastic. seriously.

you are a wonderful writer. <3

rachelnicole1257 said...
May 2, 2011 at 6:16 pm
Wow. You are an amazing writer! Can't wait to read more of your stuff :)
DarkLove33 said...
Mar. 19, 2011 at 8:48 am
It was, for the lack of a better word, amazing. The words you used weaved a story of a hopeless love. Dare is an extrodinary character who seems to be caught up in his own pain. It seems that Clara is trying to help him, yet he refuses it. Your story is quite spectacular, I would love to read more. ^^
BlackBaroness said...
Feb. 25, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Ah-mazing... this piece is bursting with emotion!!!
StarredCritic said...
Feb. 11, 2011 at 2:30 pm

I am a fervent believer in this piece of writing; I agree with Amy: Why hasn't this been published? It's the only thing that I've found that I completely love, as well as "The Lies We Tell." It's more intelligent than a agreat deal of pieces on Teen Ink; is that what Teen Ink is afraid of? It's just a purple romance. Thought I'd advocate a bit, since I adore this story.


Amy G. said...
Feb. 9, 2011 at 4:32 pm
I have read quite alot of pieces of writing on Teen Ink, but "Razed Expectations" is clearly one of the most talented. I wish I could read more from this author, but he seems to be dormant. Talented and mindful of romantic, ironic literature, this story deserves to be published. I wonder why it hasn't been already. Maybe the editors think it's too dark and untraditional, but they're not considering the wide variety of audiences out there. I loved this. I'm going to read it over and over until I'... (more »)
StarredCritic replied...
Feb. 11, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I agree completely!
writerscramp said...
Feb. 8, 2011 at 3:01 pm

I was chillin on Teenink aka not paying attention in class and I came back to this 'article' and I couldn't help but smile at our little 'circular' debate. This really is a great piece, a work of an extremly intelligent mind.


LastChapter said...
Jan. 13, 2011 at 11:20 am
this was amazing, but so sad. why can't dare just let himself be happy? beautifully written.
Save1 said...
Jan. 12, 2011 at 1:31 pm
cool, i had to read it twice,because it was really powerfull. u could totally wright a book just out of that. i love how it wasnt the traditional love scene.
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