Her Heart - Part Three

January 1, 2010
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One night I woke up to a heart arrest. After much struggle, I pressed the alarm button by my bedside that got my parents running to my bed. I was sped off to the hospital where my doctor was preparing himself for my arrival.

My cursed heart had decided to send up its notice. It was quitting on me, permanently. The doctor said I needed a new heart. And fast. My heart was fading, very quickly to boot.

The next day found Puffy by my bed with puffy eyes. She cried as if I was on my deathbed already. I made light of my situations and cracked jokes on her expenses. But there was no pacifying her. She cried and cried and cried. I felt worse and worse, my heart felt like it was bleeding itself to death. I told her so. And I even joked that if she cried on, my heart might just burst in my chest. That stopped her momentarily. Then I decided to sing her some random lines that popped in my head, while I still had the energy to interact with her.

“Cry not for me, for your tears are acids burning my heart
Laugh for me, for your giggles are music to my ears
Pine not for me, for your longings would add more to mine
Wait for me, for your desires would give me strength”

I was about to create more lines to the song, pretty catchy was the tune to my ears. But she was drowning in her sea of tears again. Sobbing harder than ever. And between her gasps of breaths, I heard faintly those three special words. Of course I kept a straight face, pretending I did not hear it. Why acknowledge her feelings for me, when I would be dying any day now.

“Lolly, please have Poppy’s heart.”

By now, her nick had changed from “4 Lone_Ice” to “Poppy”. Like as if I’m dumb to what she had indicated. She called me Lolly, and herself Poppy. And she had lollipops in that mouth of hers all the time, and she often me offered me some. Some were still in their wrappers, some straight from her mouth. I sometimes took the latter, for her lips would brush pass those lollipops before they came to mine. I imagined it as our indirect kiss, for I know a real kiss would probably excite me too much to actually give me enough time to enjoy it before my heart broke down.

“Patronus Lyrehis! What the hell are you talking about?”

She broke into a new round of tears. Then she began telling me that she was diagnosed for brain tumour, the terminal sort. When they had found the source of the migraine she had been having, it was already the late stage. There was no stopping it. And she knew all that only by eavesdropping, the doctor and her parents were still denying in her face. She cried, and begged me to take her heart, for she did not want to die slowly. She did not want to suffer the pain. She said she had seen those patients, saw the terror of Death in their eyes and the pain in their every move. She was so scared of those.

“Better for one of us to die then the both of us!”

She was so earnest. And I wanted to relieve her pain.

“No, Puffy, I won’t take your heart, and thus your life.”

“Don’t you love me?”

“You know I do.”

“Say it!”

“I love you, Puffy. Always had.”

“Then you would take my heart.”


“You had owned it the moment I fell in love with you.”


“Why what?”

“Why did you fall in love with me? Why should I take your heart?”

“Because I’m your angel.”

That was the last thing she said to me. She then took the fruit knife by my bed, and stabbed herself right in front of me. Panicking, I hit the buzzer to summon the doctors. She then staggered to me and fell in my arms.

“Hold me tight, Lolly. It’s getting chilly.”

“Puffy! Why are you so stupid?”

“Don’t save me. If I wake up again, I’ll just stab myself again. Let my heart be in you. Let me be part of you. Let me be your heart and soul, to allow you to feel.”

The doctor seemed to take eternity to rush to my room. When he did arrive, Puffy was already slipping into unconsciousness. She lifted a trembling fingers to point at her bag and whispered audibly as she stared intently at the doctor.

“My notebook.”

Then, her head lolled off against my chest. When I saw the serene smile on her sweet little face, my heart raced, pounding hard against my ribs, like a monster trying to break free of his cage. The last image I saw was the doctor poring over the notebook Puffy had indicated him to.

When I woke, the world seemed so groggy. The lights overhead were too bright, the music from the radio was too loud, and the roar I heard in my ears was my heartbeat, I knew. For a second I was totally blank. I did not know who I was, where I was, or what had happened.

Then it all hit me. Puffy!

I sat up, wondering if I was dead, until I saw my darling mother resting by my bedside. I smiled as I shook her, knowing she would be glad I was up again. She stared at my blankly those first few seconds before her mind registered what her eyes saw.


And she was crying and laughing and yelling my name all at once. I could only smile. The buzzer was pressed, and the good doctor came in to give me an injection. He had on a very tight smile.

“Glad to see that you’re fine again. We were worried that your body might reject it.”

My veins seemed to turn ice cold that instant. It? What was it? I voiced my suspicions. The doctor gave me an odd look and mumbled vaguely that a suitable donor had appeared in time for them to rescue me.

“Where’s Patronus?”

No one answered me. I was not allowed to know who donated their heart to me. It was a standard policy all the hospital had, and long ago I did indeed sign the contract to not question whom my new organ had belonged to.

I tore at my own chest, threatening to rip the heart out of me, yelling at everyone and throwing everything in sight. The doctor had to inject me with sedative for the next few days. Finally I just zoned out of my mind. I became a plant that only knew to ingest, digest, egests, and sleep.

Finally, mom broke down and gave me a letter Puffy had left for me.

“Dear Lolly,

By now, Poppy is permanently out of your life. I’m going overseas to attempt getting rid of the illness, or at least try to slow it down. I’m sorry if I gave you a scare the other day, I didn’t hurt myself as much as I intended, so its not biggy anyway.

I told your mom to give you this only if you got a new heart. I hope now that you have a new heart, you would live a real life. The life you always wanted. I hope you would run about, play basketball which you always had been so passionate about, climb the trees you always wanted to scale up, and most importantly, I hope you would open up your new heart to some special girl who deserves a place in your heart. I want you to know what Love is. For most of us only truly live when we know of Love. And you made me alive for the first time in my life.

Unlike you, I don’t want any waiting to be done. Although it would strengthen you, it would only crush me. Don’t wait for me. Because if you do, it would had made my sacrifices unworthy. I’d given up so much, just to be happy, just to hope that you will be happy. I had moved on, so should you. Don’t suffer the loss of my departure. Because I never left you, and my heart would always be with you.

Please, please, please don’t be upset. For your tears, would be acids pouring on my heart.

p.s. Eat a lollipop when you miss me, for my heart only beat for you, my love~”

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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

NKsunshine said...
Nov. 22, 2011 at 10:19 pm
I loved this whole story!! It was absolutely heart breaking<3 Keep writing!! (:
mocha replied...
Nov. 23, 2011 at 12:06 am
hey! thanks for the support. erm, since u posted at this part... wanted to tell u that there's Part 4 to the story in case you missed it. =)
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