The Lies We Tell MAG

November 27, 2009
By savemethewaltz SILVER, Lakewood, Ohio
savemethewaltz SILVER, Lakewood, Ohio
9 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm never satified unless I'm crossing things off lists"


“I don't like to wear socks to bed. I feel like my toes are suffocating.”

“I've been wearing the same flowered shirt every Wednesday for the past three months and no one has said anything about it yet.”

“My mom collects miniature lighthouse figurines, and I purposely break them because I think they're ugly.”

“I once lied about having a peanut allergy.”

“I never told my brother that his girlfriend called the house looking for him. They broke up a few days later because of it.”

“I took a bunch of Adderall right before my SATs.”

“I puked in church one Sunday because I had a hangover, but I told my family that I had food poisoning.”

“I once said I wasn't a virgin during a game of Never Have I Ever.”

“When I was a kid, I carved my little brother's name into the wooden coffee table so he'd be the one getting hit for once.”

“I think about death more than any normal person should.”

“I've never said ‘I love you' to any of my previous girlfriends.”

“I've never actually loved any of my previous boyfriends, even though I told them all that I did.”

“Fair enough.”

You love to end our conversations that way. With some kind of bookend, that's hard for me to respond to. It's like you don't want to hear any more or say any more, even though this is your stupid little game. You usually end it with a kiss and I swear I can taste the truth pass between us.

I really don't get you sometimes, you know? This game we play makes no sense. It's like you make light of the lies we tell and the secrets we keep. We flaunt them like battle wounds; I'll show you mine, you show me yours. You want to know everything about me, like it's your job to collect these pieces of information. You make me admit to all of the lies I've ever told and secrets I've ever kept. You make it your duty to coax them out of me. To dig them out and string up my insides like photographs covered in Photo-Flo and hanging up to dry in the darkroom.

We are speaking another language together. I feel like you and I are our own indigenous tribe, sitting around, sipping coffee from Styrofoam cups and stretching the holes in our earlobes. We speak together in tongue clicks and indescribable combinations of sounds to make what we say our own. In a way, it makes it easier to confess my sins; someone else would get lost in translation. No one else understands us. I trace the veins in your forearms and relish the fact that someone of equal caliber has come along.

“I would live forever if I could, but not like this.” You say the things I could only dream of thinking one day. It's a gift and a curse, because you always sound like you're trying to quote The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

“How do you mean?”

You sigh. “I want to start over. I'm too messed up already. I want to go on without all of my past mistakes. I don't want to go to college. I want to go to Big Sur and throw myself off a cliff and start new.”

Maybe we're not of equal caliber. Maybe you just keep me around so I can tell you my secrets and you can turn them into poetry for your creative writing class. The teacher gave you an A-plus on the poem you wrote about my grandpa dying. You would never have known that I stole his dog tags out of the casket if I hadn't told you during a round of your little game. You got offended when I got angry and said, “Maybe I could write like you if I smoked the amount of pot that you do.” But I apologized when you began to cry about your dad hitting you as a little kid, and said you're unable to express that part of your life through your poetry. I hate it when boys cry. Especially you.

“Once I got drunk on wine that I found in the crawl space and I tried to write like Hemingway, but it didn't work.” Oh, crap.

“That's beautiful.”

Now why'd I tell you that? Now you're going to go turn it into some kind of coming-of-age story, and Mr. Petto will give you a big, fat, red check mark in his grade book.

You are always on the brink of destruction. About to be caught, or caged, or kicked out. It's like you to want to be homeless. Like you want an excuse to not shower for days and bum around from one friend's couch to another's. You do that already, but sometimes people at school ask me why you'd rather sleep on a park bench than go home to your warm house with the red mailbox and the skylight in the living room.

You take things for granted, like your trust fund. You call it hush money, a way to keep you from calling child services, even though you turned 18 in April. You want to burn your Social Security card and hop a boxcar. You pretend to be poor by wearing ripped flannel shirts and using cheap, disposable razors that leave little bumps under your chin. Too bad you aren't underprivileged, or anything of the sort. You took acting classes at the rec center. Your mom was a den mother for your Boy Scout troop. Your persona is so clearly a sham that your friends call you “faux-hemian” and laugh at your worn-out copy of Into the Wild.

Everything with you is a game. I don't know who you really are and I don't think you do either. I love you but you're making yourself into something that I don't recognize. I can't tell if it's a clever mask or an act that you can drop like the magician's assistant. I'm afraid it's what you've become.

It is six minutes past my curfew but I don't really care. We could drive away in this drifting Chevy and never look back. We could go missing together. We could run away. That would be terrific. As unrealistic as your fantasies of vanishing from society may sound, they would be worth the trouble if it meant living free with you. Hitchhiking on barren roadsides and scrounging through Dumpsters and panhandling money would all be worth it if I shared the experience with the only boy I've ever loved.

Sometimes I worry you'll run away without me. Like you'll pack up this car with your black skinny jeans and dog-eared Henry Miller books and disappear without a trace. Even though we are only kids and spending the rest of our lives together seems like an infinite impossibility, I guess I would be heartbroken if you left without me. I would never forgive you. Even if you came back to my doorstep a week later, weary from your travels and begging for my love, I would kick and scream like a toddler going red-faced in the cookie aisle of the grocery store. I would never look you in the eyes again. I would erase the synapse that connects the memory of love to the memory of you that lies deep in my brain.

“Don't ever leave me, okay?”

“Okay.”

I put my head on your chest. I have a headache. Your concave chest lies under layers of thermal weave.

“Your heartbeat sounds irregular.”

“I won't leave without you. I like you too much to do that.”

“Okay.”

“Does that make you feel better?”

“Yes. A little bit.”

You sigh. “Are you afraid I'm going to leave soon?”

“Yes.”

You pause. You've probably planned out your whole escape in that ratty composition notebook you carry in your tattered JanSport backpack. You probably printed out maps from MapQuest and used your colored pencils to mark the stops you feel that Christopher McCandless or Jack Kerouac would have made. You've probably scribbled out a few drafts of the poem that details your undying love and regret to me. You'll send it when you reach a truck stop in Iowa or a diner outside of Kansas City.

I know the lies you tell. I know the secrets you keep. I know what makes you tick, what spells you know how to cast. You have weaknesses that I figured out after only a month. You described yourself as a “tapestry of woven complexities” in one of your poems for Mr. Petto. You got a B-minus on that one, you jerk. You are just smoke and mirrors. You're made up of miracles and bull and a set of pearly white teeth.

“Drive me home?”

“If you want.”

“Yep.”

Silence. You turn the keys. You start the engine.

“Wait. Never mind.”

If you said all the right things, would it make a difference? If you stopped acting like the world owed you something, would I love you anymore? If you ran away and never showed your face in this town again, would it make me regret telling you things? Possibly. But to think of you changing or leaving or disappearing from my life, to think of you belonging to anyone else or being anywhere but here makes my heart feel like Swiss cheese.

So I guess this game is what we have. All we have. I guess the lies we tell and the secrets we keep mean everything.

“I'm sorry.”

“For what?”

“For thinking you're phony sometimes.”

“You think that?”

“Sometimes.”

“Well, you're forgiven.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

You shut off the engine.

I want to attach myself to you like a dust particle settling in a room full of sunlight. I don't have to be that significant; I have reasonable expectations. I know you have dreams bigger than me. But I promise I will tell you more secrets. You can turn them into mediocre poems. I'll tell you the truth, even. Just let me stay close for a while.


The author's comments:
This was inspired by one of my friends and his actions and attitudes towards the wealth his family has. We were never involved romantically, but this piece expresses my frustration with the way he views the world. All feedback is appreciated!

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This article has 98 comments.


-Ash- SILVER said...
on Jan. 18 2012 at 5:05 pm
-Ash- SILVER, Redmond, Washington
7 articles 4 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
She wants to die. She wants to disappear, to be remembered no more. She wants so terribly to be forgotten, all her mistakes, all her failures, everything. Her name to be wiped free from all record of existence. Because is it really existing when you’ve got nothing to show for your life?

wow!!!! i loved how with just this short of a piece i feel like i get theses characters! good job! 5 stars :)

on Dec. 27 2011 at 10:43 am
munanime BRONZE, Malacca, Other
1 article 2 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
If you live in a world that is only given two choice on how you live your life, as a character or a writer, I will choose to become a writer because I want to live my life the way I want it to be

well written. so loving it. why don't you check out my summer vacation and leave a comment/rate it if you're free

on Dec. 16 2011 at 12:39 pm
savemethewaltz SILVER, Lakewood, Ohio
9 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm never satified unless I'm crossing things off lists"

Thank you for all of the feedback! I really appreciate everyone giving me their opinions!

luzo19 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 12 2011 at 3:12 pm
luzo19 BRONZE, BETHESDA, Maryland
1 article 0 photos 4 comments
and you said it was bad??? i don't see anything wrong with it 

WordsRUs GOLD said...
on Dec. 5 2011 at 9:24 pm
WordsRUs GOLD, Jefferson City, Missouri
10 articles 0 photos 18 comments
This piece is a prime example of what writing from one's heart can achieve. I felt the raw emtion woven throughout this epic of a narrative. Your sharp contrasts, your subtle wit; it all comes together in a conglomerate of literary bliss. Even the pop culture allusions act as pillars of substance, casually outlining the hypocrisy of your friend. I tip my hat to a first-rate satirist.

on Nov. 12 2011 at 1:24 pm
bookthief PLATINUM, Concord, Massachusetts
20 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." -- John W. Gardener

this is a beautifully written piece; it would be amazing to read out loud. i love the sections of dialogue and the lack of communication even in the confession of lies; it's a beautiful oxymoron.

on Nov. 4 2011 at 11:02 pm
atimm2013 SILVER, Hartselle, Alabama
7 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

this is beautifully written, and the emotion is super powerful!

on Oct. 22 2011 at 11:36 am
Imperfectlife SILVER, Rochester, New York
7 articles 0 photos 74 comments
It's so sad. I like it. It makes me feels there's something sad inside that story. What interested me was that story was written for your friend. I was curious about that.

on Sep. 30 2011 at 3:47 pm
swimster16 SILVER, Dexter, Michigan
5 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
I think music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity. It's something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we're from, everyone loves music.
~Billy Joel

Its beautiful it really explains the complexities of a relationship and i love how you narrorate the girl saying she hates the poems you make out of my secrets but at the end she says you can make all the poems you want only if you stay with me for a little while.  Beautiful

on Sep. 30 2011 at 9:21 am
Iggy_Bowe SILVER, Philadelphia,
6 articles 0 photos 2 comments
I L-O-V-E-D it.  It was beautiful and heartbreaking and lovely and harsh all at the same time.  It makes me feel so many emotions at once.  Its a love without any comfort and incredibly realistic

on Sep. 22 2011 at 4:18 pm
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing's black or white, its all just a shade of gray---

















TI "Live your Life" ft Rihanna

That was beautiful

on Sep. 11 2011 at 8:18 pm
RedheadAtHeart ELITE, Mountain Home, Idaho
109 articles 0 photos 165 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love with open hands. - Madeleine L'Engle

If I wrote as well as you do, maybe I could find a way to express how magnificent this story is. As it is...I'll just have to say it's BEAUTIFUL... and let it go at that. I want to write something like this!!

on Sep. 8 2011 at 10:08 pm
savemethewaltz SILVER, Lakewood, Ohio
9 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm never satified unless I'm crossing things off lists"

Hey everyone! I recently got a new story up on Teen Ink and I hope to get some feedback. Check out 'Other Work by this Author' and looks for "I'm Sorry Sam". I would greatly appreciate it! :)

on Aug. 30 2011 at 11:10 pm
ThePeaceDaisy BRONZE, Albany, New York
4 articles 5 photos 224 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color.” - Unknown
I will change this every week!

ohh ok. good job on the story btw

on Aug. 29 2011 at 9:44 am
savemethewaltz SILVER, Lakewood, Ohio
9 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm never satified unless I'm crossing things off lists"

Boy first, then the girl. The last two secrets reveal that.

Thanks for reading!


on Aug. 29 2011 at 8:25 am
ThePeaceDaisy BRONZE, Albany, New York
4 articles 5 photos 224 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color.” - Unknown
I will change this every week!

in the last dialogue, who said what??? i was super confused at that part.

Curly... said...
on Aug. 25 2011 at 7:40 pm
I loved it!! Keep up the good work!!:D

TAR11 SILVER said...
on Jul. 26 2011 at 8:30 am
TAR11 SILVER, Allison Park, Pennsylvania
7 articles 0 photos 51 comments
Cool story please check out mine, Sean Flynn, if you get the chance thanks! 

Skemo18 SILVER said...
on Jun. 29 2011 at 2:29 pm
Skemo18 SILVER, Hamilton, New Jersey
5 articles 6 photos 6 comments
this is nice and so true i like it

on Jun. 12 2011 at 10:43 pm
Krikette BRONZE, Sunnyvale, California
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments
Great job! The writing was excellent and the story was creative and well developed.


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