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Every relationship is said to be different in several aspects. The love however is the same, with the same underlying theme of warmth and care as the next. The ways of expression is what makes the difference.
Louis sat on his kitchen counter as he contemplated this thought. He wondered if it was those differences in expression that lead to the end of the love itself. Had he expressed himself wrong? Were his actions and perceptions of their love off? What had he done? What hadn’t he done?
The questions thumped up against his head and beat their way down to his heart and made it ache. The heartbreak was old, he knew what it as like. He expected the silence, the headaches, the regrets. But this time it hurt more, and he wasn’t sure why. Perhaps he had loved her that much more than the girls before. Perhaps the surprise of the fight had made the hurt so much more real. He wasn’t sure, but his mind repeated every moment in those last few days.
They had fought, like most couples, but it usually ended with an apology and a kiss. He had missed the signs in those last few fights though. She gave up quicker. She let go of the fight too quick, she moved on too fast. Louis thought he was just getting better at arguing, when the honest truth was that she was caring less and less. The conversations were waning, the laughter was ceasing, the smiles were weakening. How could he have misjudged her so much? How could he overlook her feelings so quickly?
He couldn’t stop blaming himself for what would have been inevitable.
Her voice climbed into his ears, whispering those words he’d never thought he’d hear from her.
“It’s not working anymore…”
Louis had been standing by the window when she said it. He was trying to cool off from their fight.
“How could you say that?” he implored, “You’re throwing away this last YEAR of our lives over tiny changes in our routines? Over NOTHING?!”
“Nothing?! I never see you anymore! We barely talk, and when we do, it feels forced and fake. I’ve been hoping that it would be a passing thing, but it’s been feeling very permanent ever since…”
“Since…I don’t know Louis, but I think it’s been different since LIFE hit us. Maybe it’s all because of stress, or maybe we’re simply victims of circumstance. But really? I think---“
Louis shook his head, “Don’t say it Lilly, don’t be that cruel you can’t really think that---”
“…Maybe it’s just because this relationship has dragged on much further than it was meant to.”
He went numb, sitting there on his counter as her words painted themselves before him on the wall. They stayed there, in front of his eyes, a reminder of lost love, of failure, of regret. Their letters dripped red, pooling onto the floor in the form of Lilly’s face, which smiled a smile that was meant for happier times. He didn’t want to remember those times, they were too far away and not worth the hurt. But he remembered them, all of them. Every laugh, every fight, every trip, every party, every night that they stayed home just to do nothing, every time her eyes sparkled and every time he felt as complete as he ever thought was possible.
The memories crowded him, choking him with what was.
And then he blinked, and all he saw was a blank wall.