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A Teenage Love Story 2

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It was a warm June night, the sun just a glimpse above the horizon, with a slight breeze, brushing lightly against my skin. I could feel my dark brown hair flowing with the direction of the wind as i went round and round on the carousel. I closed my eyes and listened to the soft carnival music in the background of people talking and laughing. Even with my eyes closed, I could still see the joyful faces of children, their eyes wide with excitement, their parents watching them carefully and happily. I smiled, capturing the moment. I made sure to mentally write down all the details in my head, so I could retell it exactly to my parents. It’s been nearly a week since I last seen them and would be another month or two until I would see them again, although before leaving they made me promise to call them whenever I wanted but at least, once a week. Their 20th anniversary was last week, so as my gift, I decided to go stay with my aunt in California for the summer. As my mind drifted to my home back in New Jersey, I felt the carousel slowly come to a stop. I gently opened my eyes and let out a happy sigh. I laughed as I struggled to get off my carousel horse. Feeling dizzy, I went to find a place to sit. As I sat down on a nearby bench, my eyes swept the carnival for a corndog stand. Aha. Spotting one, I started walking towards it. Halfway there, knowing I was supposed to call my aunt at 9:30, I decided to see what time it was. I looked down in my bag and began searching for my phone. Suddenly, I ran into someone. “Sorr-“, I looked up unexpectedly into the striking blue eyes of a drop dead gorgeous stranger. He looked about my age, if not a year older and was an inch taller than me. No words could even begin to describe him.
My heart pounding, I tried to catch my breath. Just when I thought he couldn’t get any hotter, Gorgeous Stranger smiled, making his eyes twinkle and my conclusion rip into shreds. Finally catching my breath again, I tried to speak again. “Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going, I….My…..Sorry” I stuttered. He laughed, and then smiled again. “Don’t be”, he said. Even the sound of his voice made my heart explode. He held out his hand. “I’m Jonah, by the way “I held out my hand, meeting his. My hand tingled. “Skyler’ I said back, matching his smile. “Do you live around here? I don’t think I’ve seen you around town before.” Deep breathes, deep breathes, I thought to myself. “N-No, I’m just visiting my Aunt for the summer. I live in New Jersey. What about you??” I asked. “I moved here about five years ago from Portland Oregon, so I’ve lived here for some time. How long are you staying with your aunt?” His eyes seemed to sink into mine; making it seem as though each thing I said really mattered. As if I really mattered. My heart fluttered as though it were a butterfly trying to escape. The odd, yet amazing thing was, that, even though it was breathe taking, I loved the feeling of excitement. I wanted to jump up and scream, as though a bubbly volcano had erupted. I could feel it building inside me, as his eyes continued to stare into mine. I loved the way he_oh, wait, he asked me a question. It was hard to concentrate on anything when I was staring at him. He was so beautiful, with th-C***, I was doing it again. Okay, Okay, answer the question, Skyler. “F-F-For the summer”, I said. Ahhhh! Why do I keep stuttering? He probably thinks I have a speaking disorder, I thought. He smiled again.” Cool, maybe we can hang out sometime. I could show you around town, if you’d like”, he said. Oh yes, Skyler would like, Skyler would like Very Much…. “Sure, that sounds like fun. When would y-“, I started to ask, but suddenly I was cut off. “Jonah! I’ve been looking all over for you pookie poo! “ I turned to see who rudely interrupted me, and saw a gorgeous blonde walking toward us with two almost as equally gorgeous girls, one taller, the other average height. The one who was taller was also blonde, but the average height one was a brunette. Judging by the way the gorgeous blonde was walking just slightly ahead of them, I could tell she was the leader of their group. And judging by the look she was giving me, I could tell she wasn’t too fond of me. Great, I already have someone who hates my guts. I sighed. Super. They all seemed to walk in unison, and as if they owned the place, like they were better than everyone else. Their eyes weren’t exactly friendly. As they got closer, I could see two guys with them, who seemed to trail the other two like puppies, obviously their boyfriends. I realized in disappointment that the leader didn’t seem to have one, but apparently wanted one, by the seducing look she was giving Jonah. My stomach turned. “Hey Tara. Hey Steph, hey Cammie. What’s up John, Caleb?” Jonah said to them all, giving me an apologetic look. So the leader was Tara, the two behind her were Steph and Cammie, and the guys were John and Caleb,I thought, hoping I could remember which is which. As they reached where we were standing, Tara went and stood by Jonah; very close, I might add, while the others sort of circled around. Tara wrapped her arms around Jonah. “Where have you been, we looked all over for you!” she said. She gave me a dirty look. “Who are you? C***. Someone call B**** 911. I smiled at my little snide comment, and was tempted to laugh when I saw that my little grin seemed to annoy Tara. Jonah, however, seemed to look amused again. With a deep breath, I told myself that I would remain neutral if anything should happen. At least for now, HeHe. “Hi, I’m Skyler. I’m visiting here from New Jersey for the summer.”Nice. I smiled to myself. Lets just hope I could stay calm for the rest of the night.



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This article has 143 comments. Post your own!

Ellimee said...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 12:06 pm:
A couple run-on sentences blend too much in the second paragraph. But romance is your writing ability! Seriously! Your description makes ME feel like I'm in love, and I'm horrible when it comes to romance! Keep it going!
 
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Kat4ever333 said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 1:03 pm:
i want more!its so good
 
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kyokofirealice1 said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 9:38 pm:
im a real sucker for romanse stories and although i think it was confusing how we met most of the characters at the same time, i enjoyed them and how they met:) oh! and im in love with the carnival setting, and its descriptions:) cant wait for more (2thumbs up!!)
 
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shadowriderThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 6:18 pm:
There weren't any paragraphs though, which makes the readability difficult and the dialogue could use a bit of work. Over all great job!
 
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shadowriderThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 6:17 pm:
This was really well written. Not overly poetic, but with just enough description, a great voice, and wonderful flow. Amazing job! I can't wait for the second part!
 
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Eke0505 said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 5:30 am:
I really like the descriptions used, not only to describe the setting but the characters as well. However, you might want to work on the dialogue as well as make the plot a bit more interesting to avoid it from getting too cliche. However, it's a good try, and if you keep working on it I'm sure it'll end up being a great piece of work!
 
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a dream girl said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 2:04 am:
I love it,you should keep writing it,I am looking forward to reading it!
 
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fizza said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 1:55 am:
it sounds incomplete but its nice.
 
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BlackThunderess said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 8:54 pm:
It needs more breaks where new dialogue starts, and where the subjext changes. You might want to double-check for repetitive words and sentences that are too long or have incorrect punctuation. It has a nice general main-idea, though. Overall, I suppose I liked it. All you need is a bit of practice.
 
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K.M.S.Shear said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 8:22 am:

liked it

 

 
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ashmeenbains said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 4:40 am:
i loved d way u described jonah, dat was mah favv! :)
 
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lindley-riekel said...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 11:14 am:
I found the dialogue kind of confusing. At the part where Tara was making comments, the quote was missing and I couldn't tell who said the whole thing, and why Skyler said that she had made that comment.
 
ashleyn replied...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:25 pm :
Yeah, I agree. Maybe try and clear that up a little bit.
 
bentley101444 replied...
May 25, 2011 at 9:00 am :
but overall u like it right 
 
ashleyn replied...
May 25, 2011 at 6:58 pm :
well of course! lol (:
 
cat15 replied...
Jul. 6, 2012 at 11:17 pm :

Yeah, sorry, but I'm not sure why this is so popular...the word choice is okay, but there are some major spelling and grammatical errors, and I was also really confused by the part where the mean girl (or is it the narrator?) insults the narrator (or is it the mean girl?) 

Also, it was really kind of clicheish. "I stared at the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen..."  Maybe try to work on some elements, make it a bit more unique and unusual. 

Has potential...just n... (more »)

 
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LindaE said...
Apr. 11, 2011 at 11:58 pm:
 thoroughly enjoyed how you pulled me in with your story. i would love to know how it ended. Ah the beauty of love in its beginnings...
 
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loveable224 said...
Apr. 1, 2011 at 8:23 pm:
I really like this, you should keep going so that we can see what happens next.
 
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MissyninjaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 30, 2011 at 9:09 pm:
To me it seem like the beging of "The last song"'s story line but that is me. other than that it was pretty good.
 
bieberl0ve15 replied...
Apr. 1, 2011 at 6:15 pm :
Yes...thats exactly what i was thinking, too!
 
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