Cambio Network
Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

A Teenage Love Story 2


More by this author
It was a warm June night, the sun just a glimpse above the horizon, with a slight breeze, brushing lightly against my skin. I could feel my dark brown hair flowing with the direction of the wind as i went round and round on the carousel. I closed my eyes and listened to the soft carnival music in the background of people talking and laughing. Even with my eyes closed, I could still see the joyful faces of children, their eyes wide with excitement, their parents watching them carefully and happily. I smiled, capturing the moment. I made sure to mentally write down all the details in my head, so I could retell it exactly to my parents. It’s been nearly a week since I last seen them and would be another month or two until I would see them again, although before leaving they made me promise to call them whenever I wanted but at least, once a week. Their 20th anniversary was last week, so as my gift, I decided to go stay with my aunt in California for the summer. As my mind drifted to my home back in New Jersey, I felt the carousel slowly come to a stop. I gently opened my eyes and let out a happy sigh. I laughed as I struggled to get off my carousel horse. Feeling dizzy, I went to find a place to sit. As I sat down on a nearby bench, my eyes swept the carnival for a corndog stand. Aha. Spotting one, I started walking towards it. Halfway there, knowing I was supposed to call my aunt at 9:30, I decided to see what time it was. I looked down in my bag and began searching for my phone. Suddenly, I ran into someone. “Sorr-“, I looked up unexpectedly into the striking blue eyes of a drop dead gorgeous stranger. He looked about my age, if not a year older and was an inch taller than me. No words could even begin to describe him.
My heart pounding, I tried to catch my breath. Just when I thought he couldn’t get any hotter, Gorgeous Stranger smiled, making his eyes twinkle and my conclusion rip into shreds. Finally catching my breath again, I tried to speak again. “Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going, I….My…..Sorry” I stuttered. He laughed, and then smiled again. “Don’t be”, he said. Even the sound of his voice made my heart explode. He held out his hand. “I’m Jonah, by the way “I held out my hand, meeting his. My hand tingled. “Skyler’ I said back, matching his smile. “Do you live around here? I don’t think I’ve seen you around town before.” Deep breathes, deep breathes, I thought to myself. “N-No, I’m just visiting my Aunt for the summer. I live in New Jersey. What about you??” I asked. “I moved here about five years ago from Portland Oregon, so I’ve lived here for some time. How long are you staying with your aunt?” His eyes seemed to sink into mine; making it seem as though each thing I said really mattered. As if I really mattered. My heart fluttered as though it were a butterfly trying to escape. The odd, yet amazing thing was, that, even though it was breathe taking, I loved the feeling of excitement. I wanted to jump up and scream, as though a bubbly volcano had erupted. I could feel it building inside me, as his eyes continued to stare into mine. I loved the way he_oh, wait, he asked me a question. It was hard to concentrate on anything when I was staring at him. He was so beautiful, with th-C***, I was doing it again. Okay, Okay, answer the question, Skyler. “F-F-For the summer”, I said. Ahhhh! Why do I keep stuttering? He probably thinks I have a speaking disorder, I thought. He smiled again.” Cool, maybe we can hang out sometime. I could show you around town, if you’d like”, he said. Oh yes, Skyler would like, Skyler would like Very Much…. “Sure, that sounds like fun. When would y-“, I started to ask, but suddenly I was cut off. “Jonah! I’ve been looking all over for you pookie poo! “ I turned to see who rudely interrupted me, and saw a gorgeous blonde walking toward us with two almost as equally gorgeous girls, one taller, the other average height. The one who was taller was also blonde, but the average height one was a brunette. Judging by the way the gorgeous blonde was walking just slightly ahead of them, I could tell she was the leader of their group. And judging by the look she was giving me, I could tell she wasn’t too fond of me. Great, I already have someone who hates my guts. I sighed. Super. They all seemed to walk in unison, and as if they owned the place, like they were better than everyone else. Their eyes weren’t exactly friendly. As they got closer, I could see two guys with them, who seemed to trail the other two like puppies, obviously their boyfriends. I realized in disappointment that the leader didn’t seem to have one, but apparently wanted one, by the seducing look she was giving Jonah. My stomach turned. “Hey Tara. Hey Steph, hey Cammie. What’s up John, Caleb?” Jonah said to them all, giving me an apologetic look. So the leader was Tara, the two behind her were Steph and Cammie, and the guys were John and Caleb,I thought, hoping I could remember which is which. As they reached where we were standing, Tara went and stood by Jonah; very close, I might add, while the others sort of circled around. Tara wrapped her arms around Jonah. “Where have you been, we looked all over for you!” she said. She gave me a dirty look. “Who are you? C***. Someone call B**** 911. I smiled at my little snide comment, and was tempted to laugh when I saw that my little grin seemed to annoy Tara. Jonah, however, seemed to look amused again. With a deep breath, I told myself that I would remain neutral if anything should happen. At least for now, HeHe. “Hi, I’m Skyler. I’m visiting here from New Jersey for the summer.”Nice. I smiled to myself. Lets just hope I could stay calm for the rest of the night.



You might be interested in this content from TeenSpot:


Join the Discussion


This article has 138 comments. Post your own!

MGRobinson said...
Apr. 9 at 6:13 pm:
good start but sounds ALOT like the last song. Several gramatical errors but it still shows great promise
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Lindsey31This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 9 at 3:41 pm:
Paragraphs would help a LOT, like Samantha S. said. There were also a lot of puncuation errors that made me lose my place at times.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Samantha S. said...
Mar. 18 at 1:52 am:
I really think paragraphs would help. But other than that its perfect!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
porkybuttThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 1 at 4:13 pm:

I'm not sure why this was voted as one of the top pieces of the week. First off, the mechanics need some serious work; the author frequently switched between tenses, making it confusing for the reader to follow, and made many spelling and grammar errors. There are also no paragraphs. As for content, it was not very original; it sounds like just another teenage love story, as the author has so aptly named it.

However, the author did a good job of leading the reader along. The story... (more »)

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
julialove94This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 25 at 12:00 pm:
Yeah it has one of those Nicholas Sparks feelings but it would make a great story though depending on where you go with it :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
mfizzle4321 said...
Feb. 3 at 8:42 pm:
this was great. Unfortunately this sounds JUST LIKE the last song. by nicholas sparks. nobody likes a copycat weiner.
 
Haley_ElizabethThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 12 at 2:42 pm :
Agreed. And the grammer and spelling need some work.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
BlueLillyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 3 at 4:08 pm:
Oh my garsh im not gonna be able to wait for the third part. Gotta hand it to you though...your very talented.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
FakesmileThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 12 at 10:05 pm:
I read this before you got voted first and loved it! Happy you got it voted first! It's a great story and you did a great job with it and deserve it being voted first! :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
gokartgirl14 said...
Jan. 12 at 4:27 pm:
It was over all a good story but it does neeed to be edited and should be split into paragraphs so it is easier to read.
 
MisticleMystery replied...
Jan. 14 at 12:33 pm :
Agreed....
 
HilidanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 3 at 8:36 am :
Yes.If you break the story into paragraphs it will be much more good.The story was very good and I wait the third part with exicitement.Good effort.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
garthgirl8888This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 25, 2011 at 2:31 pm:
This was okay, but really I'm unsure of what the hype is about. It is a standard romance, not that interesting... however, to make it better you could break it up into paragraphs, work on your grammar and spelling, and show instead of telling. However, I think that the basic question is whether this story is unique enough to survive, and I don't think it's done that.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
siahillon said...
Dec. 24, 2011 at 7:42 am:
..all the emotions studded beautifully and realistically into this piece..u could make it more romantic..although this isnt bad at all...keep going..
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
OurSTORYThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 21, 2011 at 10:15 pm:
I will have to admit at the beginning the cliche-ness of it all was kind of bugging me, but the character and how she reacted made up for it. :)
 
sionarama replied...
Dec. 22, 2011 at 4:22 pm :
It was kind of cliche at the begginning, but I grew to love it. Very nice work. It wasn't easy on the eyes though, so make sure next time you space out your work so that it is easier to read (i.e. paragraph breaks, double space) These things are really important especially when you want to make your characters talk to each other
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
vintage said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 8:33 pm:
I am new to this site and I was wondering if the stars (rating) is the same as voting, and if not, how does one vote?
 
writer015This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 21, 2011 at 9:57 am :
Thats the only way to vote, its like rating it. The higher its rated, the bigger chance it'll appear on the main of something. The highest ones are on the home page along with the ones that got published in the magazine
 
vintage replied...
Dec. 21, 2011 at 12:22 pm :
Thank you!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
titanica said...
Nov. 25, 2011 at 9:46 pm:
i love this i read this in class on my ipad and couldnt stop reading. this is one of the greatest storys iv ever read
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
iluvowlsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 7, 2011 at 6:58 pm:
pretty good
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Hobbit@Heart .. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 7, 2011 at 2:35 pm:
The funniest moment was about the "speaking disorder."  As someone who stutters, I find it hilarious the way people tip-toe around the impediment.  Great story... Love the names.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Nicole-LeighThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 7, 2011 at 9:33 am:
Super cute! Loved it! Keep writing for this story. I really liked it! It's someting that is typical, but originall at the same time.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
jimmy_knows_stuff said...
Nov. 7, 2011 at 8:35 am:
THIS IS INNAPROPRIATE. THERE ARE BAD WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!1
 
EmiriThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 12, 2011 at 7:01 pm :
Dude, the bad words are all star-ed out. Some advice, there are bad words everywhere in real life- embrace them or be stuck using caps like a spammer for the rest of your life.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
amesgriffeyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 6, 2011 at 7:38 am:
I reallly enjoyed this story! can you keep going? its really good! Keep writing!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
ImperfectlifeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 16, 2011 at 5:00 pm:

It's very detailed and funny, I want to hear more!

 

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
ThePeaceDaisyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 16, 2011 at 3:19 pm:
My name's Tara...but I'm nice! Lol nice job, by the way!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Laura_OliverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 24, 2011 at 3:31 pm:
Spectacular job! You have my eternal respect. One thing, though: I don't know if this was intentional or not, but you should have spaced the paragraphs properly (no offense, really). Otherwise this is pure perfection. Plus, I would really appreciate it if you could check out some of my work and leave some feedback.
 
monkeyfaceThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 24, 2011 at 5:18 pm :

azing..and i understand the bi t chi ness too..been there..had ot deal with that..all so good

there wasnt to much detail so it wasnt overlaoded but it was enouh do i could beome Skylar..

pplease write part two..pplase

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
EveineThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 2:57 pm:

please post the rest its good and i wish i was talented as u!!!

 

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
StarStrukkThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 12:41 pm:
one word for you... INCREDIBLE
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
pink pompom said...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 5:49 pm:
yeah, dont apologize...who cares about the paragraphs? you're a wicked awesome writer!!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
pink pompom said...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 5:45 pm:
yayyy, i love it!! i write a lil romance too, but you are by far my superior in  a) humor b) description and c) about everything else...:) SOOO good! Smiles. the writing rocks!!! I will see you on the shelf of my library someday.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 11, 2011 at 5:33 pm:
wow that was amazing! ur an awesome writer!!!! if anyone had time could you check out my new story called Terror out of this world: The whole story
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
IluvmybffThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 7:48 am:
I really like this. You are an amzing writer!:) This has so much details and power behind it. It makes me wish that something like that would happen to me
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
EllimeeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 12:06 pm:
A couple run-on sentences blend too much in the second paragraph. But romance is your writing ability! Seriously! Your description makes ME feel like I'm in love, and I'm horrible when it comes to romance! Keep it going!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Kat4ever333This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 1:03 pm:
i want more!its so good
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
kyokofirealice1 said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 9:38 pm:
im a real sucker for romanse stories and although i think it was confusing how we met most of the characters at the same time, i enjoyed them and how they met:) oh! and im in love with the carnival setting, and its descriptions:) cant wait for more (2thumbs up!!)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
shadowriderThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 6:18 pm:
There weren't any paragraphs though, which makes the readability difficult and the dialogue could use a bit of work. Over all great job!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
shadowriderThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 6:17 pm:
This was really well written. Not overly poetic, but with just enough description, a great voice, and wonderful flow. Amazing job! I can't wait for the second part!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Eke0505This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 5:30 am:
I really like the descriptions used, not only to describe the setting but the characters as well. However, you might want to work on the dialogue as well as make the plot a bit more interesting to avoid it from getting too cliche. However, it's a good try, and if you keep working on it I'm sure it'll end up being a great piece of work!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
a dream girl said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 2:04 am:
I love it,you should keep writing it,I am looking forward to reading it!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
fizzaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 1:55 am:
it sounds incomplete but its nice.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
BlackThunderess said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 8:54 pm:
It needs more breaks where new dialogue starts, and where the subjext changes. You might want to double-check for repetitive words and sentences that are too long or have incorrect punctuation. It has a nice general main-idea, though. Overall, I suppose I liked it. All you need is a bit of practice.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
K.M.S.Shear said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 8:22 am:

liked it

 

 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
ashmeenbains said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 4:40 am:
i loved d way u described jonah, dat was mah favv! :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
lindley-riekel said...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 11:14 am:
I found the dialogue kind of confusing. At the part where Tara was making comments, the quote was missing and I couldn't tell who said the whole thing, and why Skyler said that she had made that comment.
 
ashleynThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 3:25 pm :
Yeah, I agree. Maybe try and clear that up a little bit.
 
bentley101444 replied...
May 25, 2011 at 9:00 am :
but overall u like it right 
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment