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Apartment Girl

My date walked me up my apartment stairs. He was saying something about a great night, I don’t know. I was tuning him out, thinking about a nice warm bath with lilac-smelling bubbles. It was rude to do that, trust me I know. But he was boring.
“So I really enjoyed your company. And I had a great night. I thought the movie was good. And the food tasted really good.” Blah, blah, blah. I tried not to roll my eyes. Every guy has said the same thing.
“Oh yeah, me too. You are so funny!” I smiled and touched his arm, trying to be nice but this guy was a pain. Sure he could make me laugh but that’s not exactly hard to do. A lamp can make me laugh. The smile didn’t reach my eyes, I could feel it. He takes my hand. It was sweaty and gross. I sound like a total brat. Gosh, someone should seriously slap me. I mean the guys nice but if I stopped liking him in the middle of the date that’s bad, right? A second date wouldn’t go very well. We stop at the top of the stairs and he leans forward, waiting for a kiss. I give him a quick peck, say bye, and walk into my apartment building.
“Another date, Ms. Kristabel?” The front desk guy asks me. He always sees me with different men. I’m not a slut, though. Just a girl looking for love.
“Yes, but this one didn’t go well either. Personally, I don’t think there’s a guy out there for me. I’ve dated almost every freakin’ fish in the sea.” I sigh and push the button for the elevator. This apartment strikes me as interesting. Their front entrance looks so grand, I mean the floors actually look like real marble and the maroon walls and fancy couches add zest to the place. They have three floors that go up, and three floors that go down. I just think that’s so cool.
“Well, Ms. Kristabel there’s always someone out there. Just don’t give up.” I look back at him and pray with my eyes that he is right. He just smiles and nods his head at me, while the doors slide open. I walk in and press 2D so I can go two floors down away from the guy that I almost fell for. The memory pops into my head. When I first moved here, he was working there. The desk guy was stunningly handsome. Sharp cheek bones, a prominent jaw, black wavy hair, and these brown eyes that melted you when you looked into them, no matter how cold your heart was.
I was holding a box full of my crap when he caught my gaze, and perhaps my feet because the next thing I know I went skidding onto the floor and my crap fell out. His deep chuckle came from beside me as he started picking up the clothes. Bras, panties, you name it, it was on that floor. I get off the elevator and amble over to my door, number 52.




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This article has 114 comments. Post your own!

sleeplessdreamer said...
Dec. 30, 2009 at 10:20 am:
I thought it was ok. Ur writing: great. Story: not so much.
 
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krazyc1901 said...
Dec. 30, 2009 at 1:23 am:
I know you have a lot of comment, so i'll keep this short. I really liked it, but it's missing something. Read over it and add something, it's like, almost perfect. Thnx-Cati
 
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Michelle G. said...
Dec. 8, 2009 at 4:23 pm:
ummmm that was kind of harsh, don’t you think. I think the story was great, no one on here is a professional yet, and who r u to judge? If u didn’t like it just rate it and leave. I thought it was great and her stories are much better than mine (and u kind of wrote like u know everything. well u don’t, no one does) Oh, and this is really overused “I’m not a mean person”, yeah you are and I’m just a person how speaks my mind!
 
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Maddie H. said...
Nov. 19, 2009 at 5:21 pm:
I was just trying to help your writing not hinder it. And again you go with the overused sayings "...If you don't have something nice to say don't say it at all..." If everyone were to just say "it's great" that wouldn't help you, why should I lie? I thought your story was fine, just that somethings were a little cliche, or overused. If you like them, you can use them. I'm not a mean person, just a tough editor. I'm sorry if my comments hurt ... (more »)
 
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Maddie H. said...
Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:59 pm:
I felt as though, "she tripping, and spilling out the revealing contents of her luggage" was a little cliche. We see this scene too often in movies and I believe it is over used if not used properly. The plot is interesting, but not breathtaking. I advise you enhance it's quality with some sort of twist. I feel like I can predict what will happen, and a reader will not want to read on if they feel this way. I hope my comment does not discourage you from writing more, but enco... (more »)
 
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writingrox said...
Oct. 25, 2009 at 4:45 pm:
Is there a part 2? Please write one!!!
 
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VampireLover88 said...
Oct. 23, 2009 at 11:14 pm:
please write more it was fantastic!
 
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BriarRose This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 19, 2009 at 7:19 pm:
Wow, more please! this is great but a little unfinished
 
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Em H. said...
Sept. 26, 2009 at 7:23 am:
I can't wait to read more of your fantastic writing!!!!
 
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Tara B. said...
Sept. 22, 2009 at 7:23 pm:
Ooh, very nice. I like the wayyou brought out Kristabel's personality.
Awesome story, I actually wanted more :)
 
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awesomeaugustThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 22, 2009 at 5:43 pm:
I agree: you're a talented writer but I definitley don't think this story is finished. Keep writing!
 
Jsweetness replied...
Nov. 25, 2010 at 8:54 pm :
The beginning was so cute. I really liked it, especially since I could sort of relate to it. Keep writing=)
 
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Jaquie This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 10, 2009 at 5:12 pm:
Ummm... More? Please? I really enjoyed this. You're a very talented author. Post again soon.
God bless,
...,
 
babagirl replied...
Apr. 28, 2011 at 7:17 am :

well i liked it sounds fimilure similar to my life fall for the guy nextdoor but you need to add the ending make it sparkle

 

 
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