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Apartment Girl

My date walked me up my apartment stairs. He was saying something about a great night, I don’t know. I was tuning him out, thinking about a nice warm bath with lilac-smelling bubbles. It was rude to do that, trust me I know. But he was boring.
“So I really enjoyed your company. And I had a great night. I thought the movie was good. And the food tasted really good.” Blah, blah, blah. I tried not to roll my eyes. Every guy has said the same thing.
“Oh yeah, me too. You are so funny!” I smiled and touched his arm, trying to be nice but this guy was a pain. Sure he could make me laugh but that’s not exactly hard to do. A lamp can make me laugh. The smile didn’t reach my eyes, I could feel it. He takes my hand. It was sweaty and gross. I sound like a total brat. Gosh, someone should seriously slap me. I mean the guys nice but if I stopped liking him in the middle of the date that’s bad, right? A second date wouldn’t go very well. We stop at the top of the stairs and he leans forward, waiting for a kiss. I give him a quick peck, say bye, and walk into my apartment building.
“Another date, Ms. Kristabel?” The front desk guy asks me. He always sees me with different men. I’m not a slut, though. Just a girl looking for love.
“Yes, but this one didn’t go well either. Personally, I don’t think there’s a guy out there for me. I’ve dated almost every freakin’ fish in the sea.” I sigh and push the button for the elevator. This apartment strikes me as interesting. Their front entrance looks so grand, I mean the floors actually look like real marble and the maroon walls and fancy couches add zest to the place. They have three floors that go up, and three floors that go down. I just think that’s so cool.
“Well, Ms. Kristabel there’s always someone out there. Just don’t give up.” I look back at him and pray with my eyes that he is right. He just smiles and nods his head at me, while the doors slide open. I walk in and press 2D so I can go two floors down away from the guy that I almost fell for. The memory pops into my head. When I first moved here, he was working there. The desk guy was stunningly handsome. Sharp cheek bones, a prominent jaw, black wavy hair, and these brown eyes that melted you when you looked into them, no matter how cold your heart was.
I was holding a box full of my crap when he caught my gaze, and perhaps my feet because the next thing I know I went skidding onto the floor and my crap fell out. His deep chuckle came from beside me as he started picking up the clothes. Bras, panties, you name it, it was on that floor. I get off the elevator and amble over to my door, number 52.




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This article has 114 comments. Post your own!

Aelita said...
Jun. 24, 2010 at 3:46 pm:
Good job, though I would've liked it better if you'd said "a box full of my stuff." Using the other word made it sound like your character was carrting something rather unappealing.
 
LastChapter replied...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 4:11 pm :
I disagree. Using the word "crap" gives it a casual feel, like she wasn't expecting anything. That way, it comes as more of a pleasant surprise when she notices the handsome employee. Also, the word "stuff" is like the creative writing kiss of death. The only thing I didn't lovelovelove was the ending. Maybe try and add something more there? Anyway, good writing!
 
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Asianflowers said...
Jun. 24, 2010 at 11:19 am:

That was awesome! So cute. Are you gonna write some more? Keep writing!

Could you look at some of my work? Thanks!

 

 
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JamieStarr said...
Jun. 13, 2010 at 8:08 pm:
this was cute/funny. keep writing
 
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gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 2, 2010 at 10:20 am:
Very nice, and an interesting dynamic between the girl and the desk guy.  Keep writing.
 
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lovestruck said...
May 13, 2010 at 10:03 pm:
it's great. i think you have serious talent!!!
 
temptedrose replied...
May 24, 2010 at 6:10 pm :
You did a totally awesome job.
 
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Egyptiangirl13 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 11, 2010 at 8:07 pm:
Great job-i really like it!!1
 
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evrycloudyday7 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 11, 2010 at 5:16 pm:
pretty good so far. continue! =)
 
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charzard said...
May 11, 2010 at 12:32 pm:
really good! sounds like me and my best friend. he's seen all of my stuff like that, but i actually fell for him. we got past it, though, which is why he's my best friend. so i can totally relate! great story!
 
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soccercrazy said...
Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:46 pm:

oh my god, please please please continue this story! i'm itching to hear more, please!! you're a talented writer, and i saw that in how many short paragraphs? lol

keep writing on this storyline! please!! =D

 
cafelene replied...
May 11, 2010 at 12:06 am :
i agree with soccercrazy!! plz continue!! i will beg along with soccercrazy!! just PLEASE:)
 
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Shae.xD said...
Apr. 19, 2010 at 9:33 pm:
Wow!! That was really really good!!! u should really "run with that" cause you could get pretty far, i imagine.
 
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writergirl13 said...
Apr. 19, 2010 at 6:56 pm:
Wow! I really like this. I especially loved the part where the guy at the front desk encourages her! lol! :) Great Job!! Please look at and comment on some of my work. :)
 
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little-miss-sunshine said...
Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:37 pm:
This is a really good piece although I'm not quite sure where you're trying to go with this. Maybe a continuation would help.
 
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sidneynicole said...
Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:14 pm:
omg this is soo good ur need to write more! (:
 
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Laughternchoclate said...
Mar. 28, 2010 at 2:25 pm:

Mooooreee More more

When is saw it im like dude the door guy and her are getting married 

not to be blunt :))))) (double chin smiley)

 
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agsmiley888 said...
Mar. 6, 2010 at 11:26 pm:
omg i seriously want more
 
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pfeferminz said...
Jan. 19, 2010 at 11:52 pm:
That's a great beginning, of a book a mean! The best relationships come out od friendships right?
 
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SharpestSatire said...
Jan. 19, 2010 at 5:00 pm:
wow! really interesting. hope Ms. Kristabel finds love. :)
 
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butnothing14 said...
Dec. 30, 2009 at 1:19 pm:
i didn't really get the point of it, at first i thought you were going to talk about your love life and how you can't find anyone, but then you went to the doorman person, i think that you should just go for one, don't have the two situations there, it just doesn't flow at all
 
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