Unexpected Love

July 5, 2009
By FatabulousHannah BRONZE, Chester, Virginia
FatabulousHannah BRONZE, Chester, Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Laughing is key.


No boyfriend, ugly, and an outcast at school. “What a life?” thought Carrie.

Carrie was in the 8th grade at Cloven Junior High. Her hair like a rats nest sitting upon her noggin with odd highlights spewed caused gossiping and a lot of back talking from her big mouth.
With the body like a windy road, square jaw, and flat butt, she never really got attention from Cam, the school quarter back.
His features were beyond the point where staring was over-rated. Although, if you touched his bulging biceps he might mistaken you as a weird obsessive freak, which technically you are for feeling the "God of Hotness". Carrie despised his girlfriend, Brittney, the head cheerleader of the spirit squad. In guys’ perspectives, Brittney was the "Goddess of Hotness." She had locks of bleach blond hair that looked like it could sever your hand if you touched it since it was so straight. Unlike Carrie's body, Brittney's was the perfect hourglass shape and a big chest that certainly attracted guys with hopes of losing their virginity with her. Although Brittney definitely had the looks, she certainly didn't have the brains that Carrie had.
One day after school, she was sitting outside her house since it felt like a California day. The tall trees were swaying in the warm breeze as cute little bunnies were hopping along with their mother. This was the perfect time to just lay back and relax instead of worrying about her Spanish exam in about two weeks. When it felt like hours had passed, she sat up and realized someone was walking up the road leading closer to her home. She suddenly realized that it was Cam, the quarter back at Cloven Junior High! She was pacing back and forth trying to decide whether she should go chat with Cam or just rush inside before he even notices her. She decided that an opportunity talking to Cam shouldn't be thrown away like that, so the combed through her knotty hair with her long skinny fingers, and raced down the stairs to where Cam was walking.

"Hey, um, what's up?” Carrie said to the burning hot quarter back.
"Hey! Haven't I seen you from somewhere before?" asked Cam.
"How embarrassing? He doesn't even remember me from school... Maybe I should just make an excuse and sprint back to the house”, Carrie thought
" Junior hot, I mean...Junior high" Carrie said. She started blushing until he started laughing for some odd reason.
" What’s so funny?" Carrie demanded. "Is there something on my face?" Carrie worried.
He laughed again. And again. And again!
She started getting fed up, but soon enough she started giggling, too. Although she didn't know what they were amused about, that just made her laugh even more! After about minutes of laughing, Cam started talking to her.
"So, you live around here?" questioned Cam.
"Yeah, actually my house is the yellow Victorian on top of the hill up there" she answered and pointed towards her quite large house.
Time passed as they talked about themselves and their family. Soon enough it was almost completely dark, and Carrie realized she hadn't eaten anything that day, and was starving, plus her mom would have a heart attack not knowing where she went.
"Hey, uh, I better start heading home before my mom freaks. She's really protective since I'm her only child." Carrie told Cam.
"Yeah, well, I actually had fun talking to you. I usually can't do that with girls because they’re either too busy looking at my muscles or even trying to feel them. Ha." exclaimed Cam.
"Well it wasn't easy not staring" chuckled Carrie. "Although, muscles aren't your only good feature." flirted Carrie.
" Why, thank you! You know, you do have beautiful eyes. Don't tell Brittney this, but you're different from the other girls. You’re not self-absorbed and have a great personality. I wish Brittney was less conceited and actually studied once in awhile..." Cam spilled.
Carrie could NOT believe her ears! Was he confessing that she was better than Brittney? She had no idea that a few hours of talking with Cam would convince him to actually confess anything in his personal life, or that Brittney needed to study!
Sooner than expected they had walked all the way back to Carrie's house. They had said their good-byes and Cam left.
As soon as she walked in the door, her mom started nagging about why she hadn't told her where she went, and that she shouldn't have been out that late. A perfect ending to the perfect day.
The next day, she saw Cam and they both waved at each other. She was flattered. Plus, Brittney saw and was hot. Later, Carrie found out that Brittney had actually broke up with Cam! She knew that every girl would be hanging all over him, and he would find someone better than her. Her day was ruined...
Days passed with no action from Cam besides waving to each other every now and then. She had lost all hope about getting with Cam.
That day after school, she was too depressed to eat lunch or even go inside her own home. If she did, she would have to deal with her mom asking what was wrong and then explaining that guys aren't that important, but to Carrie, guys were that important! Especially Cam.
The moon crept out and the stars began their gleaming. An unexpected knocking was at the front door. Carrie was curious who would come to her house this late at night. She cracked the door open to see who it was. To her surprise, it was Cam!
"Is my hair okay? Does my breath reek?" Carrie wondered as Cam looked at her.
" Carrie, I can't stop thinking about you. After Brittney broke up with me, you were my first thought. You make me happy. You make me complete. Will you be my girlfriend?" Cam asked directly.
As soon as she lost hope, he came to the rescue. She had wished for this moment to come for so long that it almost seemed unreal. Just to make sure, she pinched her sweaty skin. It was real!
"Yes!” exclaimed Carrie. They both leaned in closer and their lips touched as if they fit like a puzzle. Very unexpected love.


The author's comments:
What inspiried me to write this piece was that whether you're an outcast or don't have the best looks, love is awaiting somewhere at anytime. It doesn't matter if you have green hair or are overweight! True lovers will like you, for you.

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This article has 53 comments.


on Nov. 6 2012 at 10:44 pm
undefined_passion, Vancouver, Other
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Cute story! Really cliche, but I'm a sucker for those kind of stories! :) This is for a 5th grader though! Fantastic! :)

on Jun. 27 2012 at 7:05 pm
LunaIsNotHere BRONZE, Phoenix, Arizona
4 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I admire the concept of selling your soul for the sake of an unforgettable performance"

This was so cliche...give me something fresh! A new idea! Oh, btw...I DID like the name choice...Carrie is my name:)

on Mar. 31 2012 at 5:36 pm
writer3499 GOLD, New Bedford, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
"it's impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might has well not have lived at all-in which case you fail by default."
-J.K.Rowling

Awesome! I love the plot...very unexpected love!! Would you check out my work if you get a chance?? I would love to have feedback from such a great writer!!

on Feb. 16 2012 at 11:40 am
writerfluid SILVER, Tempe, Arizona
9 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
Greater good? I am your wife. I am the greatest good you are ever gonna get!

This is the most cliche story I have read on this website. The brainy girl likes the quarterback who's dating the cheerleader named Brittany, but the guy falls for miss brainy at the end. Really? I did like Carrie's train of thought though, most girls get nervous like that. My favorite part had to be when Carrie's mom was nagging and it said "A perfect ending to a perfect day". :)

on Feb. 16 2012 at 9:31 am
mammothfrk PLATINUM, Mammoth Lakes, California
21 articles 25 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
This is your life, are you who you want to be?

Good, but the conclusion came to soon after you spent the majority of the story setting it all up. Next time try to extend the conclusion a little bit! Good write though!

on Jan. 25 2012 at 10:53 pm
zombiescream.98 SILVER, Fort Collins, Colorado
9 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Acting isn't lying, it's behaving truthfully in false situations,"

This was just too cliche for my liking, and couldve been taken in a totallt different direction that might've made it more interesting. I did, however, find myself loving the basic concept.

on Oct. 8 2011 at 1:47 pm
FatabulousHannah BRONZE, Chester, Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Laughing is key.

I just posted another story called Acceptance you should take a look at! I wrote this about 5th grade, which was about 3 or 4 years ago, since I'm a sophomore in highschool now! Thanks for commenting :)

on Oct. 8 2011 at 1:47 pm
FatabulousHannah BRONZE, Chester, Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Laughing is key.

I just posted another story called Acceptance you should take a look at! I wrote this about 5th grade, which was about 3 or 4 years ago, since I'm a sophomore in highschool now! Thanks for commenting :)

on Oct. 7 2011 at 9:30 pm
G_R_A_C_I_E GOLD, Colonial Heights, Virginia
15 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We are where we are, but we choose where we go." ~Anonymous

We both live in Chester, VA! Do you go to Dale? (I don't , I'm a clover hill Cavalier all the way!)

on Jul. 11 2011 at 8:32 pm
billgamesh11 BRONZE, Grafton, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's always darkest before the dawn." ~Florence and the Machine

This story was a bit cliche, but I still liked it. I just think that the kiss at the end was rushing things a bit, normally people don't kiss right after their relationship has just been made official. But it is fiction and fiction can be made into anything you want so good job and keep writing! Maybe next time you could try writing something more original though. But I still loved it and I hope that there will be a next time!!!!!!!!!

k.s.h. GOLD said...
on Jul. 11 2011 at 10:07 am
k.s.h. GOLD, Depauw, Indiana
11 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I--I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.


Robert Frost

I really liked it.  But I felt like there was something missing...

on Jun. 24 2011 at 6:55 pm
NKsunshine BRONZE, Palatine, Illinois
1 article 0 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I don't need easy, I just need possible!" ~Bethany Hamilton

Simple and sweet:) But careful with your grammer!!

on Apr. 14 2011 at 4:43 pm
ClaraRose SILVER, Glasgow, Other
7 articles 0 photos 108 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not what we are born, but what we grow to be."

"you think that because I am Poor, Obscure, Plain and little, that I am Soulless and Heartless. I have just as much soul as you and full as much heart"

This story had good techniques in it nut that sort of thing just doesnt happen where im from, you've got talent but can you please write something about realistic love:)

on Feb. 7 2011 at 5:00 pm
crazycreative23 BRONZE, Maple Grove, Minnesota
1 article 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
Each new hour holds new chances for new beginnings.
-Maya Angelou

Your story was a cliche, it seems to me, but I do like the descriptors you used with the characters!

on Nov. 11 2010 at 3:30 pm
dancing.inthe.rain GOLD, Bowling Green, Kentucky
15 articles 0 photos 58 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We all fear death and question our place in the universe. The artist's job is not to subcome to dispair, but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existance." -Gertrude Stein in the movie Midnight In Paris.

its a good story.. but the ending seemed a little rushed... i really like it though!!! :)

shedevil said...
on Nov. 11 2010 at 7:21 am
shedevil, Spotsylvania, Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 31 comments
cute story, just be careful with your writting.

trblue GOLD said...
on Oct. 11 2010 at 8:20 am
trblue GOLD, Richmond, Virginia
14 articles 7 photos 141 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. It only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that mother@#?!&* upside the head. "

over the summer i pulled some teenink stuff off the internet, and this pice of work was decided. you took it to far when saying the girl had a flatt butt, some parts were no realistic, and loved your AN.

on Sep. 4 2010 at 4:33 pm
DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD, Martinsville, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 279 comments

Favorite Quote:
Worry is simply a misuse of the imagination.

this is VERY cliche. very, very cliche. just been said so man times that the story looses its magic. even the details like the pinching and the kiss in the end and the cheerleader and football dude... it was written okay, though. 

on Sep. 4 2010 at 1:08 am
i_am_nobody SILVER, Belgrade, Montana
7 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be yourself, don't take anyone's sh*t, and never let them take you alive." -Gerard Way

cheesy but good like pizza! but seriously its quite good

DenDen said...
on Jul. 1 2010 at 9:18 pm

God, what a freak, she thought, as she sauntered away. (this is wrong)

The comma after thought is unnecessary since the word 'thought' is followed by 'as'.

comma after 'thought' would be acceptable if instead of 'as', a present progressive verb follows 'thought'

for example:

God, what a freak, she thought, running a hand through her hair.



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