Intensity | Teen Ink

Intensity

June 13, 2009
By Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell


The tears poured off her eyelids; slid down her cheeks; fell to the floor. Slowly she sank to the ground, trembling slightly. Her breath came in deep sobs, wracking her chest. She barely had enough air. She did not hear the soft footfalls coming ever closer. She did not see him as he sat down next to her. She did, however, feel as his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Turning slightly, the girl buried her face in his shoulder. Her friend held her tighter, resting his head in her soft chestnut curls.

The two of them sat that way for what felt like hours; the girl sobbing loudly on the boy’s shoulder, the boy holding her quietly, steadfastly. Finally, the girl released her last tear. She looked up at the boy, eyes red from crying, cheeks flushed. He turned to her, a small crooked smile on his lips. To the girl’s surprise, tears were slipping down his face as well. “Why are you crying?” she asked softly, voice cracking. The boy considered the question for a second.

“I am crying because you are crying,” he replied truthfully as yet another tear trickled down his handsome face. His smile was still there, unwavering.

The girl stared at him with wide eyes. He stared back at her. A chill like an electric current flowed through both of them. The air around them tingled with static. Slowly, as if pulled by some invisible force, the two teenagers moved closer. Their faces were within a hair’s breath of each other’s. “Why me?” she whispered. “Why did you choose me?” Her eyes darted back and forth, looking for an answer written on his face. “You are the only one who’s real. The only one out of all those girls who knows what it means to truly love someone. Even though he broke your heart, you just keep going. I like that. I think… I think I may even love that.”

His eyes gleamed with a passion long suppressed. “I think I may love you.” His sweet breath lingered on her lips. The girl’s heart began to beat frantically, as if trying to keep up with her rapidly changing emotions. “I think I may love you too,” she admitted.

Without meaning to, the girl shut her eyes. The two leaned even closer, closing the gap between them. His soft lips pressed against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and his arms coiled around her waist. The kiss deepened.

Gently, they pulled apart. Both were smiling softly. “Thank you,” the girl said under her breath, so quiet that the boy sitting right next to her wasn’t sure he had heard her at first.

“For what?” She stared deeply into his eyes. He held her gaze, reciprocating the intensity. “For giving me a reason to live again. For saving me from falling.”

“Anytime. Thank you, too. Thanks for letting me in. Thanks for not pushing me away.”

At the same time, the two teenagers said, “I love you,” sealing their fate.

The two leaned in closer, their foreheads, then lips, pressing against the other’s.



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This article has 377 comments.


on Dec. 6 2010 at 10:04 pm
xBaByGiRrL22x PLATINUM, Pearl River, New York
22 articles 0 photos 281 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The goal isn't to live forever, but create something that will."
"If you wanna go, baby let's go; if you wanna rock, I'm ready to roll.''
"No one ever said it'd be easy. They just said it'd be worth it." <3

this is really sweett nd cutee. it honestly brightened my mood(: i too agree with the rush, but it doesn't change much 4 me. good jobb!

on Dec. 1 2010 at 5:32 pm
OriginalCarbonation GOLD, Naperville, Illinois
11 articles 0 photos 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
dream as if you'll live forever
live as if you'll die tomorrow

I agree with some earlier comments about the rush, maybe it wouldnt be that much. Maybe it would be that he said i love you and hugged her close and she looked up into the eyes of his face and said she loved him too and then it could kinda fade away, i picture it like a movie seen with a zoom out as he kisses her on the top of her head, and she expresses the funny little surge in her heart.  the hope she saw through her tears that it could still go on.

speaking of, the momentum was lost in the ending. it just. stopped.

either way, these are getting nitpicky- but this is still really really good. i like the story its unique but still super sweet :)


on Nov. 24 2010 at 7:44 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

I must agree with the person below me.  It's a lovely story and your writing style is certainly better than many I've read on here, but everything was rushed, and....well....as lovely as it would be, things like this don't really happen in real life.

 

I'm not sure 'steadfastly' is a word.

 

When a separate person speaks, make a new paragraph.

 

Also, the ending...I'm a sucker for happy endings, I'll admit it, but I like happy realistic endings.  The way it was phrased, with  them 'thanking' each other, then saying they loved one another and 'sealing their fate'...it was very cliched.  On another writing site we discussed cliches very much, and this is the sort of thing that most of them would disapprove of quite a bit.  Cliches can be wonderful, if done right, and you certainly did this one well, just watch out for those.

 

Sorry if I sounded harsh:P I'm just trying to help people improve.  This really was a well-written story, though.

 

P.S.: I reply to everyone too;D


skisoul96 GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2010 at 12:50 pm
skisoul96 GOLD, Flushing, New York
13 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today
its already tomorrow in Australia.

its really beautiful but way to unreal.

Lindsey_O GOLD said...
on Nov. 19 2010 at 2:22 pm
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell

^_^ heppeh face! hahaha x3 Thank you so much!

Lindsey_O GOLD said...
on Nov. 19 2010 at 2:21 pm
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell

Thank you!! I'm happy you enjoyed it!

Lindsey_O GOLD said...
on Nov. 19 2010 at 2:21 pm
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell

Thank you both so so much!!! :DD That really means alot! :) I'm really glad you guys felt like you did!! Thank you!

Araya3895 said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 10:40 pm
GWAH! Happy face! Well done!

on Nov. 14 2010 at 10:09 pm
snowanngel BRONZE, Branson, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your I will is more important than your IQ."
"You learn more from your failures than you do your accomplishments."

wow!!! that was amazing!!! I could actually put myself there and feel the emotions they were feelong.. it was amazing

Manilove said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 6:41 pm
this was amazingg. i loved itt

on Nov. 14 2010 at 5:58 pm
emmernemmer PLATINUM, Stockton, California
25 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"the pen is mightier than the sword"

ur very welcome :)

Alice_W BRONZE said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 5:41 pm
Alice_W BRONZE, Coral Gables, Florida
4 articles 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you live to be a hundred I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live a day without you" A. A Milne

Truly amazing!  I felt as though I was watching this happen, I could almost feel the air and the surroundings.  You're an amazing writer, don't even give up for any reason!

Lindsey_O GOLD said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 5:25 pm
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell

XD oh wow!!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!! :D <3 That was so nice, totally just made my crappy day like a million times better! <3333 Thank you sooo much!!!!  :D And of course!!! I have like insane writers block lately, but I'm working on it!! :3 Thanks again!!

Lindsey_O GOLD said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 5:23 pm
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell

(  '^_^ erm about all the comments.... About half of them are me.... Because I go through and thank every person for their comment.... >_<  So actually... this has about.... 115 comments, I'd say? Sounds about right....  )

But thank you so much for the comment!!! :D I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the approval of detalis and word choice! <3 Thanks again!!!

Lindsey_O GOLD said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 5:21 pm
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell

THANK YOU! I'm glad you liked it!!!! :D Means a lot, thanks so much! <3

Lindsey_O GOLD said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 5:20 pm
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell

:) Thank you!!! Glad you liked it!!! :D

Lindsey_O GOLD said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 5:19 pm
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell

Don't worry, someone will :3 Someone always does, somehow. Things just work out like that, don't you worry <3 You'll find someone.

Lindsey_O GOLD said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 5:18 pm
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell

^-^ Thank you!!!!!

Berta BRONZE said...
on Nov. 14 2010 at 2:04 pm
Berta BRONZE, Somewhere, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In riding a horse, we borrow freedom."
Helen Thompson

So sweet!  Loved it!

on Nov. 14 2010 at 1:18 pm
emmernemmer PLATINUM, Stockton, California
25 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"the pen is mightier than the sword"

SOOO GOOD! I really like the end.


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