Do you ever feel like you just have bad luck? Well, I do. I feel like I was born with a curse. Now, if you’re expecting the curse to be something awesome like being psychic or something, I assure you that you will be disappointed so stop reading. Like - now.
You know that friend you have that’s always late to everything; to parties, get-togethers, lunch, movies, sports, outings, you name it - and you give them so much crap about it? Well, maybe some people just can’t help it, Sarah! Yes. My curse is being late to everything. I can never catch any public transportation, I always have to pay waiting fees for Ubers, I pray that my flights delay, I’m always five minutes late to movies and I just want it to stop!
It is so inconvenient and I just want to feel what it’s like to be on time for anything. At this point, you might be thinking, “Seriously? That’s - that’s it? Stop being so dramatic about it. Just go to everything like an hour early!”
Umm, I said I’m late to everything. Doesn’t mean I’m always late to catch an idea. Well, sometimes, I guess - but that’s completely normal! Anyways, yes, I have tried to get to places earlier but something always happens.
I had to go a certain meeting for work. It was really important for me to get there early, so what I tried to do was to wake up three hours earlier that day. I took a shower to find out that I ran out of soap. So I had to do what I had to do since my shampoo and conditioner ran out as well - I dried myself up and sprayed a ton of perfume. I wrapped myself in my towel while I splash water on my face and brush my teeth before something else happened. My only toothpaste tube was almost empty. I tried squeezing the bottle, folding the ends on itself and squeezing as hard as I can, and as I got a stingy dollop on my toothbrush, I dropped it on the floor.
I walked over to my closet and put on my nice white dress shirt. I put a pencil skirt on and a suit jacket. I only have a little more than two hours at this point. I walked over to my kitchen and turned on my coffee maker. I put some toast in the toaster as I hear my coffee maker making a sick whir. My head shot up to look at it the same time the lid popped off and hot, boiling coffee sprayed everywhere. I wanted to cry but I was an adult, so I did what any adult would do. I went into my favorite corner in my room and cried. After I took a power nap, I got myself together and changed my shirt. I got my bag and my keys and locked my house before making my way downtown. I stopped by a bus station, expecting to be late. I glanced down at my watch to see that I only had twenty minutes left before I am late to work and get fired for the - the… uhh… I don’t remember how many times it has been. I kind of lost track after the thirteenth.
I looked both ways down the street and was thinking if I should just do what I do almost everyday; run to work. To my surprise, I heard a sound that has become so familiar to me because I would have it ringing in my ears as I pant and try to catch my breath, sweat would be running down my forehead. It was the sound of the bus. I was so happy, I was jumping and waving at the bus like I’ve just been saved by a boat from being stranded on an island for a hundred and fifty years.
I got on the bus and got to work just in time. I attended the meeting, I got a raise, the guy I had a crush on smiled at me and said, “I love coffee too,” reminding me I showered in coffee instead of soap this morning. As I was waiting for the green light on the pedestrian light to turn on, I thought about how my curse has been lifted. That it has finally gotten tired of ruining my life. I was overjoyed. I noticed the green light turn on so I started to cross the seemingly empty street, all the while thinking about things I can do now that I can be punctual. Well, that was before I heard that familiar sound once more, but instead, this one was fast-approaching and close. Perhaps… too close. I looked to my left and a bus’ headlight blinded my vision. I was late for the green light.
When I found out I was born with a curse, I didn’t think I’d die with one too. And to think I’d be late to my own funeral.