February 8, 2018

“Tears come from the heart and not the brain.” Ever sat in your room at night and thought of the absolute worst? Tears soaking your blanket. Hands quivering with an itch for death. Head throbbing with fear. You feel like your screaming for help, but there’s not a soul that cares enough to hear your cries of despondency. 
I know that everyone thinks that there is never a reason to take your own life, but when you have to attend school everyday seeing someone who absolutely tears you apart. You hear whispers as you walk by crowds knowing that it’s all your fault because you sent the pictures, you revealed yourself to him, you trusted him with pictures that shouldn’t have been taken. So you have to die to get away from that pain.

Everyone goes around calling you a w***e and a s**t just because you trusted someone. Wait! He sent them around, he showed everyone, but you get shamed, torn apart, broken down, and just besmirched! Why isn’t it ever the other way around? Why don’t people shame the receiver? Why is the giver always the villain when they’re truly the victim.

What really kills me is that he doesn't care he walks around laughing! I thought that we were more, but he just wanted pictures and sex. Now he has moved on to another girl. He doesn't even second guess about the fact that he exposed me. Friends treat me as if I am broken. Teachers treat me as if I should be watched at all times. I can’t take it anymore! I’m in a tight glass room alone. People stare, laugh, and deprive me of my dignity! There is no way out! I scream I cry, but i’m alone. I know that I shouldn’t care what people say but, there are pictures of me naked in everyone's phone! I can’t vent because no one understands! There is nothing to do but die!

I saw him in the hallway so I decide to go talk to him. He punches me and pushes me on the ground! Everyone laughs and points, I lie there in tears. The bell rings so I get up and walk to class quietly. As I sit there in class waiting for the teacher to arrive one of the students displays my pictures on the board. I try to ignore it, but I can’t so I grab the boys phone and I threw it across the room. The teacher walks in and says, “Please excuse yourself Ms. Levon.” I rush to the bathroom ready to end it all! I pound the mirror until it broke! Banged my head on the wall! “She so stupid.” “Dumb w***e.” “She should just die already.” 

Then I latch on to the broken glass shattered all over the bathroom floor. I look at myself and see all the pain and horror in my face. As I sat there looking at myself I realized that it’s all not my fault. If I'm going to die he must die too. That day I went home after school. I remembered that my brother kept his gun in his shoe box in the top of the closet. I grabbed the gun and putted it inside of a brown paper bag, and stuck it in the bottom of my backpack. 

That night I slept better, because I knew after tomorrow it will all be over. The morning came fast. I got ready and rushed out of the house without a word to anyone. I got to school as I walked through the door everyone was staring! I panic! I’m stuck! The glass room is getting smaller and the glass is getting thinner. Outsiders try to get in. “Why isn't she dead already.” I see him standing with his friends laughing. So I get my backpack pull out the gun. POW! I made a shot but missed everyone ran! “Lockdown Lockdown this is not a warning”. Class doors shut, students ran, and I sat there alone. I then knew that it was over. The principal came in the hall. “No Ms. Levon” I held the gun to my head. Hands sweating, head throbbing, heart pounding. “I’m ready to die and everyone else is too. I can’t take it anymore!” I clinched the gun “Now everyone will be happy” then I pulled the trigger.

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