Identity

January 30, 2018

Identity what is it? Well I might know a little bit about it, because I own my own identity!!!. When I was two I decided to run away and adventure. I didn’t understand what I was doing, I was only two. Way before that when I was a baby, I could’ve died. A wolf spider was roaming around in my house, but my Dad found it in my crib and killed it before it could harm me.


Four years later my baby sister was born into my life. Of course I judged her. It felt like my mom and dad only loved Zoey, not me and Logan. One day I came downstairs and saw my parents laughing with the baby. They said she had the cutest Spongebob laugh ever. Every day my parents were all caught up with Zoey. Oh Zoey is so cute, oh Zoey is soooo amazing. I had enough. I went up into my room and slammed the door and turned on the tv to watch The Little Mermaid, my favorite movie. I never knew that my future would include a divorce between my parents. I never knew that we would lose our house and my mom, sisters, and I would have to go live with my grandparents because we had no money. I never really knew that I would judge people for the rest of my life.
  

A song that speaks to me is Most Girls. I like that song because it tells me that I don’t have to be perfect and I can be anybody I want to be. When I was 12 I heard this song but I didn’t really understand it at all. But now I do. When I turned 13 I realized I can be anybody I want be. I don’t have to be like the girls who wear makeup, or the girls who are sport heroes. To me I’m a girl who likes sports and girl who likes makeup. I’m a girl who is a drama queen (sometimes). I can be different and I don’t have to be like the people who tell me to be like them. Here is a piece of the song that I like


“Most girls are smart, strong, and beautiful”


“Most girls are smart, strong, and beautiful”


I know that when I’m older I will be a singer, I really want to sing like Hailee Steinfeld. I really want to be motivative like her. She is one of my favorite singers and I’m proud of that. I know that I’m going to keep on being me. I also know that I won’t let anybody tell me who I have to be. Because I’m better at being me. But I don’t do it to fit in, or to be praised. I do it because I can dress however I want.


Girly Girl of the family
Ok, yes I admit it I am a girly girl. I wear makeup and care about what I look like. In 5th grade I was made fun of because I dressed like a boy. That was because I was a tomboy. So the next day I came into to school looking like a princess. Everybody told me I looked pretty. Even the kids that made fun of me. I am a girly girl now and im proud of it.

I’m going to keep on being me. I also know that I won’t let anybody tell me who I have to be. Because I’m better at being me.


I feel like over the years I have been able to complete my life. I have gotten to know myself better and I feel like I don’t have to hide anymore. When I was born I was born a girl, and I still am a girl. I think that in this world most people think that if you're born a girl/boy that you stay that way. But no. People have the right to change the way they want to change. People have no right to tell somebody who they have to be. And that goes for everybody. Growing up I sometimes played with my friends toys because they were different than my toys. My toys were girly and preppy and princessy. His toys were dinosaurs, dragons, and cars. I remember when I was little I always went to my neighbor’s house and played with toys and my toys that I would bring over. One day I went to their house and nobody was home, so I peeked through the window. All their furniture was gone. And the pretty flower plant in the front of their house went missing. About two weeks later I realized they had moved, and that they weren't magical. After all this I would go up to my room and spend my time playing with the Barbies until I had to sleep. No matter how hard I tried to play by myself,  realized I couldn’t. So I turned to my family and asked them to play with me.

My family had bought a huge blow up pool that I loved. It was amazing. I always played with my barbies and my little toy cars in the pool. I used to go under water and pretend I was a mermaid with my sister. I used to set goals for myself when I was five. I completed all of them except one, being a mermaid. Unlike most people I thought I lived under water, could breath underwater and had a tail. One very cold day my Dad told my family that the pool was closed for the day because it was so cold. When I heard the news I ran to the coach and screamed in the pillow.”a fort” I thought in my head. Being a five year old girl who had a big imagination was too big for my family. Also having ADHD was big too. When I tried to turn my fort into a castle it collapsed. And then I cried. The best fort I ever made was the least like a castle. And that was where I stopped.


When someone looks at me I can’t tell they are thinking something in their head. And that bothers me.
In my head I question what they are thinking about me.  When I go out somewhere I start to wonder why everybody stares at me. I look at my clothes to make sure nothing is wrong with them and there isn’t. I go to the bathroom and look at my face. And there isn’t anything wrong with it. I think that the people who I catch staring at me are questioning my identity. I will admit that I do it to. I wonder if the person is a good person or a bad person. I don’t think that they're a bad person because there clothes are raggedy. Or that that they’re a good person because they have nice clothes. The person with the raggedy clothes could have done something amazing in this world, like save somebody's life. And the person with the nice clothes could have stolen a tv. When people look at me I want them to know I’m a good person, even if sometimes I can mess up in life, but doesn’t everybody? Multiple people have told me that I’m a good person and that they really enjoyed getting to know me, but did they really?

When I was born I was gifted with the gift of music, and a beautiful voice. When I was one I started singing instead of talking.Being the singer of the family is sometimes hard. My mom wasn’t gifted with a good voice and neither were my sisters. It was just my dad and my grandma. Whenever I go somewhere to sing people always ask me about my singing, sometimes they don’t even ask for my name. When I was 10 I sang in a million different concerts. One day I wanted to quit my career of singing. But my supporters (my family and friends) told me to keep on trying, and I did.  I had confidence.






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