Peanut With A Peg Leg

December 15, 2017
By Anonymous

There once was a little boy named Peanut. He grew up on the streets of Portland, where he would play with the neighborhood children. They would run through the narrow streets and play all sorts of games. Mostly war games or cowboys and indians. He knew from a young age that he wanted to go into the military and fight for his country. He never worked hard in school because he knew what his future was going to be. He just sat around and waiting for the day he was 18 and he could enlist.

The day finally came. He woke up, threw on a white t-shirt and jeans and hopped  in his truck and zoomed to the enlisting office. He filled out the paperwork so quickly, it was like he had practiced a billion times. He slid his papers on the front desk with a huge smile and darted away. He had planned for this for years. He said his goodbyes to all his friends and family. But he knew that he would one day see them again.

He was deployed to Iraq where he made new friends and met new men that were like his new family.  It was all going well, he still had his boys around and no major accidents were happening. As long as everyone followed the rules, there would be no accidents. Months had gone by and nothing exciting was happening. He realized that a lot of this job was just going to be sitting down and waiting around for something to happen. Since they were so bored, they decided to all grow mustaches and see who could have the best one. Peanut won the competition with a handlebar mustache that he waxed everyday. He kept wax in his uniform pocket, so his mustache was always looking up to par. One day, they were doing routine tank checks, and his buddy ran over Peanuts foot. You can imagine the excruciating pain. They were unable to save his foot, and it had to be chopped off. So Peanut was now known as the man with the peg leg, or peg foot.

He returned home and started his life. He wasn't phased that he didn't have a foot. Peanut was a wise man and believed everything happens for a reason. He turned into quite the ladies man and quite the partier. He was a popular guy since he had such a great mustache. He was Peanut the peg legged mustache man. His mustache even landed him an amazing kid. He ended up having a child with one of his best friends, and Peanut couldn't be happier. He ended up being a wine connoisseur at a nearby restaurant. He would walk to work everyday and his daughter would come by after school. He loved his life, even though it didn’t go as planned.

Peanut has visitors from all over to watch him do his bar tricks at the restaurant. He usually doesn't tell people he has a fake foot, he just take a hammer to his toe and watches everyone gasp. It doesn't hurt his fake leg! He gets endless laughs from the locals who come to his bar. He’s always getting introduced to new people and they always love him. His new thing is wearing a black top hat everyday. It goes very well with his waxed mustache. He even lets the ladies at the bar wax his mustache for him.

Peanut took up a new hobby once his daughter was old enough to help him. Outside his quaint and small yellow house, Peanut grew ghost peppers in the yard. He tends to them everyday while singing and humming his favorite songs. His daughter loves to help him plant and pick the peppers, but she won’t eat them. Peanut makes salsas and his famous ghost pepper jelly. He first spreads cream cheese on his toast and then puts the ghost pepper jelly on top. It’s his favorite meal.

Peanut is quite content with his beautiful life.

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