March 10, 2009
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Her heart pounded very hard. She squeezed my hand as it got closer to her turn. Sweat from her hand kept dripping to mine. I look at her eyes, trying to understand what’s wrong. She was well-prepared and I believe she might be the best contestant here. Tears finally burst out and she mumbled. I think it was the lines she had to say onstage. I asked her to take a deep breath. I brought her to the seats in front to look at how everyone was like onstage. All those that was very confident looked very smart and classy. I asked her if she wants to go up there looking green and scared or confident and pretty. She looked into my eyes and said confident and pretty. She pulled me back to the backstage and gobbled down a big cup of water. I looked at her and told her to smile and think that the judges were her friends. She took a long, deep breath and smiled widely. She remained smiling while she went up the stage. She was very careful, making sure she don’t trip in those high heels that made her look 5 inches taller. She sway her hands gently as she walk up the stairs, looking all casual and classy. She remembered all her lines, speaking slowly and clearly. She never forgot to kept on smiling. She was very comfortable talking to the judges as if they were her friends she had known very well. In the end, she passed the competition and was crowned 2nd. Since then, she joined all sorts of competition to train her confidence and courage. Now, she was the one of the best woman in business I had ever met in my life. Becoming the lead woman in anything just begins from being confident and brave.

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BreeTayler This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 11:47 pm
This story has an amazing moral to it. To be confident. But to enhance the story I think you should consider using dialouge, letting the readers get a feel for the characters. There are only a few grammar mistakes, but it only takes a few for the readers to become unintrested. Along with the words like "very"...  Also, i'd like to know more about the setting. Are there cameras flashing? Does backstage smell of hairspray and deoderant? Are there lost bobby pins covering the floor? Is the onl... (more »)
sweet_candice said...
Apr. 8, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Stephenmcrey said...
Apr. 6, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Good Job!

Check out my story to show me where I should improve:
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