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Thoughts of a Gunshot Victim

He heard an angel calling his name. That was what it sounded like, at least. The blinding pain filled his chest. He knew that it hadn?t entered into his heart, not his lungs, but somewhere still vital.

Things were fading. Sounds, objects, the voice (for there was only one) and his life. It was all fading.

His heart was faltering, and he smiled and closed his eyes.





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This article has 7 comments. Post your own now!

Avital R. said...
Sept. 2, 2009 at 6:10 pm
i disagree. i think instead of elaborating on the situation, you should make it longer with the feeling, and a protest against death. otherwise, youre an amazing riter. plus i feel better that im not the only one that kills of their main characters
 
PK4evr This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 2, 2009 at 6:13 pm
He didn't die. As I told the last guy, this was an excerpt and I'm sorry for not mentioning that. In the main story, he does not die. It is only implied in this article.
 
PK4evr This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 2, 2009 at 6:48 pm
It's way too long to post on teenink, so that will probably not be happening. However, almost everything fiction on here is an excerpt, except for Departing, Coming Home, She Sabotaged my Suicide Attempt, and One Action, Many Consequences. Just click on "more by this author" and you'll find plenty of material from my series.
 
PK4evr This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 2, 2009 at 5:37 pm
This was meant to be an excerpt, not a full story. I forgot to explain.
 
bubbasamantha said...
Jul. 24, 2009 at 5:16 pm
A good start, but I think you could do a little more. Maybe you were going for the whole keeping it short and sweet thing, but in my opinion I think it would be better if you added onto it! Maybe talk about how he was shot, why he was shot? You know, give a little more information on the situation. Just a little advice! Overall, very nice!
 
Denae W. said...
Apr. 15, 2009 at 4:36 am
Good job.
You accomplished a lot in a short while. You could leave it as is (though it defintely needs the title to better explain the situation!) or you could add it to a story somewhere else. You're very descriptive.
 
bluejay31 said...
Apr. 12, 2009 at 1:16 pm
nice story. A little short, but I think it really got to the point and it was simple and clear. Try to elaborate and add some more detail to this story, I think that it'll become a really good story.
 
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