I felt as though I was in a daze…I wasn’t sure why. I knew something was different, what that was, I had no idea.

It was June 17; it had been a very intense day of heat. I knew things couldn’t possibly get any worse then what they already were. But once again I was wrong. Everyday I go through hell with my mom and step-dad. Some days aren’t as bad as others. On this day I realized that I don’t have to put up with it anymore, well I do but I could actually stick up for my-self and fight back.

When everything first started I felt like someone who didn’t deserve to be alive. It was as if they were proving my theory, but it wasn’t like they cared anyway. About ten years ago it all started.

My day typically starts out the same way every morning. I would get woken up just to make my mom something to eat because she was hungry. She could never make her own food. So, obviously I would make it just so I didn’t have to listen to her complain about it... After making her food I would have to wait until everyone else was up just so I could eat. See my mom thinks everything should be handed top her as if she earned everything, even though she didn’t do anything for it… I don’t understand why she thinks this, but she really needs to get over it…I have realized that she was never put though this when she was a kid so I don’t know why she does it to me…

The things she does to me almost day to day, is like dying and going to hell then coming back to life... Everyday was different but each day got worse as the years went on. It has went on for about ten years now…I don’t know why but it has taken me that long just to figure out something I could do to make things end. I could have made things stop multiple times, but I was always to chicken to. My mom isn’t the greatest person in the world. I remember from when I was eight, she would literally take anything that was around and just either hit me of throw it at me when I wasn’t paying attention… It didn’t matter if it was a knife or a pot or something. Anything that was in her way was heading towards me, even if it was hot…

It wasn’t until I moved to the state of Wisconsin that I realized this. My mom would always try to out everything on me and I would always give in to it, because that’s all I ever knew. She was always putting me under stress, as much as to the point of crying all the time. But she didn’t care. To her it was funny, because she got her way. If she didn’t get her way then there were problems. These problems consist of multiple things. Mostly consisting of hitting and throwing as much as possible, all of which was coming from her, I just sat there and took it. Every time I would try and fight back it would just make things worse, then what it had started out to be. I wasn’t sure why, but when this was happening I felt as though she really didn’t want me to exist anymore. It didn’t really matter to me, what she thought and what I did doesn’t mean anything. She doesn’t care about my opinions about things, so when ever I had something to say to her about what she was doing to me.


But like what I was saying before everything changed when I moved to this hell of a state. It just got worse; the only thing that got better was the fact of me talking to people about what was really happening. I couldn’t believe that I actually opened up to someone about the majority of the problems in my life. Even in my wildest dreams I would have never told anyone. But I realized what I had to do was actually trust people. It took me a while but I finally figured out how to trust other. I never thought I could, normally people would just say ok and look like they are listening but truly they weren’t. So growing up talking to people was never really a good idea for me. I never doubted anything, because it really wasn’t my place to. I would always believe that everything was my fault even though it truly wasn’t. I could never stand to be in the same room with them for more than a few minutes, even though at dinner I had to. The worst part about it was every time I would try to eat my food, they would always tell me to do something, like let the dog out, feed the animals, or something really stupid that would wait until I was finished eating, but they didn’t care. If someone was to ask them, they would say because they don’t have a reason to. To me they shouldn’t even have kids, I mean granite I wouldn’t be here, but I have always felt that they are horrible parents. Knowing this had helped me understand things. I was here for a reason. This reason was to make them realize how horrible they actually are, I’m pretty sure they haven’t figured out that, but I know they soon will.

Finally after putting up with it for ten years, I started sticking up for myself. I still feel like I shouldn’t exist, but it’s going to happen. I’m still going to have thoughts of not wanting to be here, but I’ve learned how to deal with such thoughts. But I never told anyone about those. When someone would ask I would typically lie and say it’s nothing. Then I would just sit there quietly, assuming no one knew something was up. But I guess that probably wasn’t the best idea since people knew when something was wrong. I had hoped that they would just leave at that and then nothing else would happen. But what I wanted never happened. People would always be asking me what was wrong, until I finally would just give into them. I hated opening up to people before I can actually get a chance to know them. One difference I have noticed is that I can actually trust people now. Before I could never really trust anyone because I was always afraid that it would get back to me mom, before I got home. It takes me a while but I have figured out a way to open up without stressing over whether or not the person I told would tell someone else. If it ever did get back to my mom and step-dad then I honestly don’t think I would ever care, I am always telling myself to stick up for what I believe in and what I trust. So now is the chance where I get to do both.

This is basically the story that made me the person that I am today. I may not like it sometime but I have to live with it, so I got used to putting up with everything. I choose to keep everything inside until now because I felt that no one would actually care, but its wrong to assume things, because all it does is make an a** out of what I’m assuming and my self. The main change I have made through out my life would have to be learning to stick up for myself. Sticking up for my self was always the hardest thing to do. I always thought that if I did then people would think of me as a person to feel sorry for. And I never wanted people to feel sorry for me, it’s just a part of life…”I am a firm believe that we are never given more than we can handle. Those who are strongest often get very difficult situations to bear…” This quote means a lot to me after everything I’ve been through it has helped. There are many others that I can’t name off the top of my head but are very true… Maybe others need to read and understand that no one has a perfect life. And everyone has difficult situations whether you get them early in life or later on.