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Life or Death

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“Get him into the OR right now!”


“He’s seizing, we need to save him!”


I layed in the hospital bed without any awareness of my surroundings. Doctors were scrambling around me pushing me all around and sticking needles in my arms. Everything was frantic, and I just layed there powerless.


“Are you okay?” one doctor asked me, I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know how to. “I don’t know what’s happening” I tried to say but nothing came out. I was helpless.


“We have to put you in a medically induced coma, it’s the only way to save your life.” The doctor was trying to reassure me that I will live but I couldn’t even gain the strength to respond. Is this my only chance of survival? Will I ever wake back up?


“Okay put him under in 3, 2,...”


Everything was white as if I was stuck in some kind of snowstorm with no way of getting out. I didn’t hear anymore doctors trying to save me, I didn’t see anyone running around. All I saw was white. “Am I dying? Am I ever going to see anyone again?” Suddenly everything appeared, except this wasn’t a hospital room with medicine or doctors, this was my room. My own bedroom in my house. Something was off. I tried to run out the doors I walked in and out of every day, nothing budged. I opened my window to crawl out of like I sometimes did so my parents wouldn’t know. They wouldn’t open. “What is happening?” I screamed hoping someone will hear me. There was no response. I laid down on my bed wishing I was back at that hospital bed where I could see and hear the one thing I need, People. I blankly stared at my dark blue walls for what seemed like hours. Nobody around to help me and nobody to talk to. This wasn’t my home. This was more like a jail I couldn’t escape from. A single tear fell down my cheek, my heart aching for someone to help me and for someone to talk to. I needed my mom, my sister and my dad, but none of which were here. I missed my mom’s beach blonde hair and big blue eyes that always brought a sense of warmth. I missed my sister I would always fight with, but only because I loved her. I missed my dad the one guy in the world I could trust and know would never let me down. I was stuck. I was stuck inside my room with no opening doors or windows and no people. I put my head into my pillow crying myself to sleep hoping I would wake up and everything will be okay.


“It’s okay Jeremy, everything will be okay.” I heard my mom's sweet voice whispering in my ear.


“You can let go. We will be okay we don’t want you to suffer.” I opened my puffy eyes to see my mom sitting on the edge of my bed.


“Mom?” I said hoping it was really her.


“Honey, everything will be okay, I love you so much, but I don’t want to see you suffer. You can let go. God will take care of you. Your grandma will be with you. You can let go.” My mom sat there crying while trying to comfort me.


“Mom I can’t, I can’t leave you and my family, I don’t know what is going on.”


“You fell while skiing right onto your head and snapped your neck. You are dying sweetheart, but you don’t have to be.”


“Mom no I can’t. What about you? What about Jenny? What about dad?”


“Honey I have to go. You will be okay. Just close your eyes and all the pain and suffering will be gone.” My mom walked out of the door that wouldn’t open before and left me all alone in my room once again. The thought kept racing through my mind once my mom left the room. “I won’t be in pain” I kept telling myself. I closed my eyes for a second. “Everything will be gone, no more pain, no more suffering, but can I leave everything behind?” My eyes snapped back open in realization.


“Jeremy, why? Why did you leave me?” I looked over to see my sister confused and crying.


“I promise I'm still here! I'm not gone I'm right here.” I looked up to see terror and sadness in my sister’s eyes.


“You know how much depression our family is in? My heart hurts every day knowing your gone, a part of me is missing and it's something I'll never get back.” My heart dropped hearing my sister's words fall from her mouth.


“I'm still here. I'm not leaving. I'll push through for you, I'll push through for mom and for dad, I promise I won't leave.” I looked into my sisters big blue eyes before she turned around and there she went. My sister walked out of the door I struggled to open, not even looking back. There I was again alone, staring at the dark blue walls of my bedroom but this time something different was there, options, and I made up my mind...
Everything started to appear once again. First, the sound of my monitor steadily beeping, than the soft sound of my father voice and finally I saw the one thing I urged for, people. This time no doctors were running around, no one trying to inject any medicine into my body and nobody trying to save my life as if I was dying. I slowly looked over to where my family who sat there waiting for me to open my eyes and make the life or death decision. They were beyond relieved when I choose to live. My mom sat beside me holding my hand while Jenny and my father sat on the chairs. I finally got my sense of reality back. Then sharply the pain hit me. Excruciating pain all throughout my body, but I know I will deal with it and learn to overcome it for my family and my sake.






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