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Awaiting the Inevitable

By , Wyckoff, NJ

Where has the time gone? I used to be young and energetic. Now, I am slow, beaten, and wrinkled. I have seen myself as another senior citizen awaiting the inevitable recently. My mother and father have seemed to almost deteriorate throughout the years. It is starting to look like I am the next in line to do the same. Death will come sooner than I had once anticipated and hoped for if I do not escape this mentality. I need to escape from the normal routine. I need to get out into the world and take chances. I need to spend more time with my family. I need to enjoy my time left on the earth, not dread the conclusion of it.

As I escape the grasp of my bed, a crack of light escapes from my closed shutters. No light ever shines through that window. Why this has happened today of all days. Today is the day that I decide to live the life that I want to live. Today I promise myself that I would not think about dying from now on. Today is the day that I promise myself I would live in the moment and not worry about the future. When my feet touch down to the warm carpet, I want to lay down and sleep again. Yet, I know that I cannot. I stretch out, and limp to the kitchen to make myself breakfast. Today I’ll have some fruit loops instead of oatmeal. I only bought these for my grandchildren and now they are stale, but why not have them anyway? If I want to feel younger and last longer, I should eat what younger people eat. As I eat my fruit loops, I know that I should also start participating in the activities that youthful people take part in. I should see what my grandchildren are doing.

As I drive to my grandchildren’s house, my back starts to ache. I cannot let this deter me though. To feel young, I need to push through the hardships of being old. As I walk through the door, my grandchildren jump into my arms. I used to never let them do this. Now I let them because I missed being able to hold them in my arms. As I am holding them, I realize what I have been missing out on throughout my years of fulfilling the role of typical old grandpa. I realize that I could have experienced more memories with my grandchildren. I would not have to go through the pain I am dealing with right now if I had been there throughout the years. I have feel young again, or the miserable life that I have been living will continue on until I am finally deceased. I notice a tear roll down my cheek, but I cannot feel sad today. Today is the day I turn things around.

As I bend down to the floor so I can play with the kids, my back wrenches. I fall and hit the ground hard. I hear a gruesome crack and immediate pain rushes through my entire body. I try to get up and get to the couch, but there is no use. As I contemplate whether I should go to the emergency room or not, I come to a final realization. I cannot and will never be able to do what I once used to. What am I doing here? I cannot become young again. As I grasp the reality that is my old age, I come to another realization. I do not have to sacrifice my health for the other people I love, but I do have to make compromises to meet my loved one’s needs. I am old, but this does not mean that I cannot be there for my family at all times. I want to feel young and youthful, but not at the expense of my health and my family’s happiness. I need to be the sturdy rock that I am capable of being at my old age.






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