Every day felt the same for her. Sleep through her alarm, wake up 15 minutes later, get dressed, and head out the door. She gets to her 2nd period and waits for her best friend to show up so she can lean on his shoulder for a second. The day continues as she goes through the motions, most likely listening to music. For her, that’s her escape. She’ll daydream about what she’s going to do with her future. The only thing she can’t wait for is lunch. That’s when she gets time with her best friend, riding in the front seat, singing out their lungs together from songs that speak to them on a deep level. As her day moves on, music is still ringing in her ear, as she finally gets through the last period of her school day. Depending on her schedule, she either has work, soccer, or she just goes home after school. On a day with work, she gets home for a few minutes, get’s ready, and drives to the mall for a 4-5 hour shift at one of her favorite stores. On a day with soccer, she goes to the locker room, puts on her practice uniform, and performs the very best she can that day. Being a goalie, it’s her #1 dream to make it to the professional level. On a day where she goes home, she goes into her room, turns on Netflix, and relaxes. Sometimes her best friend will come over for a little bit. That involves watching Netflix together, deep talks, or playing some Xbox 1.

This girl is Roxy. She has had severe anxiety for the past couple of years. She is adopted from Romania, and she has two very loving families. She plays soccer, loves her best friend, and is most of the time listening to music. In the past, she has dealt with depression and self harm, family members who have dealt with the same, and has struggled within herself countless times. She has gone to therapy, she’s talked with many people, yet it’s still so hard for her to open up. As she likes to joke around, she always says, “I’m like Shrek. I’m like an onion, I have multiple layers you have to peel back in order to get to know the real me”.  She doesn’t have much trust in people, plainly because trust is too huge for her to just give out freely. She is careful with herself. She knows what will happen if trust is broken. She becomes broken. Yet this girl is the most soft and sensitive girl you will ever meet. Despite her huge muscles on her arms, and her deep glares that are stuck on her face, she will give you biggest hug, she will make you smile as far as your face can go, and she will love unconditionally. Her thought is that everyone on this earth is here for a reason. For her, she believes she is here so she can help others, keep people happy, and keep herself happy at the same time. In order for her to do that, she remembers to put herself first, make sure she is okay, and continues to put a smile on people’s faces. Only a couple of months ago, she realized something that has held her back for a long time.

She hasn’t had the best relationship with her dad since she was about 10 or 11. Her dad was one of those hardcore republicans who believed that being gay is wrong, and the bible is right about everything. She was always pressured to always do what he said to do. Not do anything wrong, turn in all assignments, and have A’s and B’s. She was brainwashed to think exactly how he thought. Once she got tired of it feeling like a slave, she broke free. She stopped thinking like him, and thought how she thought she should. She was herself. Even though she still faked it around him, she knew what was right in her mind. Her grades weren’t the best, she was beginning to become interested in girls, and she became her own person. She was much comfier in soccer pants and a t shirt with a hoodie on top. Skinny jeans, dresses, skirts, and tight shirts were absolutely not her thing.

Only until a few months ago, she realized that the root of most of her anxiety was from her dad. She never canceled on plans with others plainly because she knew that if she canceled, it wouldn’t feel right to her, even if it meant it felt right to others. She put herself first. Some didn’t agree, but others understood. She began to take her own advice. Her biggest piece of advice to herself and others is, “don’t try and control the things that cannot be controlled”. One day, she took control. She was in a relationship of 1 year and 4 months, and she realized she couldn’t give any more of herself into the relationship. She felt for the girl who she was about to break up with. Any relationship that long is going to have some pain come behind it. Once it happened, she woke up the next day and began to smile. She felt the world was no longer hanging on her shoulders. She felt lighter, more joyful, and more relaxed. She told herself that she would begin to work on herself more. Ever since, she has become closer with her best friend. Her best friend is Connor. She has known him since the 7th grade. Connor and her began to get really close in 8th grade, and then she went to Monarch High while he went to Centaurus. After a bad experience at Monarch, Roxy transferred to Centaurus where she was once again welcomed by his presence. They instantly became friends again. 3 years later, they are inseparable. He has held Roxy at her worse, and hugged her at her best. She has done the same for him. Countless nights of staying up until 4 in the morning talking about life and the meaning of it. Countless amounts of laughter exchanged between the two. Countless teared wiped from each other's eyes. She wouldn’t know what to do without him and all the support he has given her. He was the best person in her eyes.

This girl, who has struggled with depression, anxiety, self harm, loss of self worth, and many more, is me. Throughout these years, I have slowly been teaching myself how to be the best person I can be. I have seen some things that most people wouldn’t wish upon their worst enemies. I’ve experienced almost every feeling there is, sometimes a lot of them at once. For the past years, it has always been the same. Wake up after I slept through my alarm, get dressed, get my backpack ready, and drive to school. It was the same, going through the motions, listening to music the entire day, shutting myself down to people I didn’t trust. Only showing the real side of me to people who I thought deserved it. Now I’m slowly breaking down those walls, opening myself up. It hasn’t been the same ever since.