I remember it like it was yesterday. Last summer I had to be about 16 during the time. I was just admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Why was I in there in the first place? Well I’m glad you asked. Not only was I admitted for self harm , I was also admitted for attempted suicide. In the hospital I met other teens “like me”. There was 9 of us total. Four guys and five girls. I was apart of the four guys. We each had a roommate. I shared a room with a boy named Milo. Milo was pretty strange. He never talked to any of us, He was always on his own. Then one night, it had to be at least 3 in the morning. I don’t really know what time it was because our windows were covered and there were no clocks in our room. Milo was sitting up in his bed talking. It was the first time I ever heard him. Milo spoke in a small singsong voice. Besides the two of us no one else was in the room. So who was he talking to? Curious I sat up in my own bed rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
“Milo who are you talking to?” I asked him. I must have scared him because when I looked over at him he look like he just saw death standing before him. Milo got really quiet and shook his head as if he was saying no.
“Well you have to be talking to someone I heard you” I calmly got up and walked over to his side of the room. Milo was staring down at his hands now, like he was afraid to look me in the eyes.
“Milo it’s ok, you can tell me. I won’t tell anyone, I swear.” I could tell he wanted to tell someone what was going on inside his head but it was like he was terrified to. I slid down to the floor with my back against the wall waiting for Milo to say something, anything. Milo stayed silent. He didn’t make a sound… He didn’t even move. The only thing you could hear was the sounds of the two of us breathing and the soft shuffle of the nurses feet on the carpet outside of our room. I ended up falling asleep next to Milo’s bed that night. SInce that night I haven’t heard one sound come from Milo. He kept his distant from me more then usual. I felt kind of bad maybe I shouldn’t have approached him that night because he’s more distant than ever now.
A few weeks later, I was awaken by a soft muffled voice that seemed uncomfortably close to my ear.  I whined and pulled the covers over my head. Wanting whatever it was to just go away and let me sleep..
“Hakeem...,.....Hakeem”
My eyes flew open when I heard my name. It was in soft whispers that were barely audible. I slowly removed the covers from over my head. To my surprise I was eye to eye with MIlo. A little freaked out I sat up without taking my eyes off of MIlo.
“Did...did you just say something Milo?’” I asked him. What happened next I was never expecting.
“Yes……….I...I did Hakeem” I couldn't believe my ears. Milo actually said something to me. He was literally moving his mouth and actual words were coming out of it.
MIlo and I talked for the rest of the night. I learned that he had schizophrenia. MIlo has been hearing voices since he was 6. He told me all about his experiences with all the different hospitals he’s been in. The different treatment he had to undergo. I felt really bad for him.
“What...what do they say to you?” I asked him one night. By this time Milo and I were pretty close. He wouldn't utter a word besides my name throughout the day when we were around everyone else. But even then he made sure it was low enough for only me to hear.
Milo shrugged his shoulders “They say all kind of things.” He said his voice getting low. I could tell he was getting nervous cause his voice got more quiet when he did. “Sometimes they tell me to do bad things”
“What kind of bad things?’ I was genuinely interested and a little worried at the same time.
“They tell me to hurt people”

Months went by and I was eventually allowed to go home. On my last day I gave Milo my address (secretly of course because we weren't allowed to share personal information with each other.) so he could contact me once he was released from the hospital.
It was a long time since I heard anything from Milo. I had no way to contact him so all I could do was wait. I was checking the mail one day and I found a little brown box sitting in front of my door, It was addressed to me. I picked it up and carried it to my room. It was strange there was no return address. I opened the box and inside I found two letters and an Ipod. I opened the first letter. It was from Milo’s family. Apparently he was released a few weeks after I was. But unfortunately he ended his life some time later. They apologized for contacting me so late but they had just recently found the letter Milo wrote to me. I was already crying I was for sure Milo was gonna be able to fight through it but i guess not.
Dear Hakeem,
Life is hard when you're living with voices other than your own in your head. Especially when they are telling you to do cruel things to people who do not deserve it. So I’m gonna put myself to sleep now for a bit longer than usual so I won’t hurt anyone. I’m sorry Hakeem but there’s no place in the world for a person like me. I considered you one of my closest friends. I’m not doing this because I feel unwanted or alone or depress. I know I’m loved by my family and people like you. I’m doing it to protect the ones I love. I know it doesn't make much sense to you, but if you only knew the things the voices I hear tell me to do you would do the same. I’m giving you my Ipod. for one reason and one reason only,  Life is like a music playlist. You may not like the music, but you can always change it. You can live your life on shuffle, not knowing what's next. or you can set it and live your life planned. You can personalize it too. When it comes to what and who you put in it. I created a playlist with all my favorite songs. Some of us aren’t as fortunate to have the ability to control our life's playlist. But I’m glad at one point in time you made it into mine.

Your friend,
MIlo