It was just an ordinary day when I entered the office.  Little did I know I would never be the same.  There she was.  Gorgeous, like nothing I’d ever seen before.  And no, I’m not talking about that new intern in accounting.  It was the printer.  I’ve never felt this way about anyone, much less anything.  And yet there I was, staring.  I blushed, apologized, and hustled to my office.  Sitting down at my desk, I tried to work, but my mind was elsewhere.  It was stunning. The printer I mean.

     "Make sure you get me those numbers by 11," my boss said. My response was an inaudible grunt. I couldn't think. Numbers? The only number I cared about was the serial number on the back of my love.

     After some strenuous effort, I pried my eyes from the screen. I got to work on those numbers, but soon enough, my mind went wandering back.  I just had to let the world know about my new relationship.  I began to dance through the halls, spinning joyously around, not caring about how others thought.  I was young and wildly in love, and nothing could stop it.

“Jim, stop,” my boss said.  Well, there goes the dancing.  I gazed at my surroundings, and there she was.  Standing tall in all her glory,  not caring how others viewed her. But what’s this? There’s another man, and he’s...PRINTING?!?!?!?!  How could she? I raced over there, and shoved him to the floor.  Screaming, I grabbed my ex-love and lifted her up.  There was a pop as the wires connecting her to the wall gave way to my adrenaline-fueled strength.  I hurled her up over my head, shouting at the top of my lungs, “HOW COULD YOU!”  By now a crowd of significant size had assembled around me, including my boss.   But I didn’t care.  This was personal.   Just me and Deskjet. Using all my power, I slammed the printer to the floor.  It’s outer shell came off, I stamped on the remains until I had no more energy left.

Panting, I put my hands on my knees and surveyed the room.  The crowd was still watching, but nobody dared move, fearful that they were next. But there were no next victims.  I was done, free from the spell of my betraying love.  I was the same old Jim.  After everyone had seen enough, they began to return to their old ways.  “Barbara, call maintenance please,” someone said. 

Stumbling back to my office, I realized it was almost 10:30, and I hadn’t done the numbers my boss wanted.  I rushed through them as fast as I could with quality.  Finally, I had a polished work that was ready to be presented.  I clicked print.  Nothing.  “No printer connected,” the screen read.  How could that be? We just got a brand-new printer... Oh yeah.  Just then, my boss popped in.  I feared the worst, and prepared to pack up my things.  “That printer’s coming out of your paycheck,” he said, and left as swiftly as he came. Phew.  I exhaled, relieved. 

Finally it was 5 o’clock, and it was time to go home. Exiting the office, I had to walk past the spot where the printer once was. Now a barren shelf, dry of life and love, it brought tears to my eyes. Tomorrow there’d be another, and who knows, maybe she won’t cheat.