I waited by the bus stop, holding my book close against my chest to try and keep warm, but then I thought that I might look like my sister or her friends so I let my hand drop by my waist, even though it was so cold I could see my breath in front of me when I exhaled. Soon enough the rusting, familiar bus came down the street and stopped in front of me, and I picked up my backpack and sports bag and hurried up the steps.
"Hey, Russ," the bus driver smiled. His hand pulled on a lever and the door closed behind me. The air was warm.
"Hey," I said.
"You got a game today?"
"Yeah," I said, lifting my duffel bag so he could see.
"Good, luck, man," he said.
"Thanks."
I moved towards the back of the bus to Sean and Clay.
“Hey,” Sean greeted me. "Test today," he pointed to Clay, who was feverously reading his science book in his lap.
"I studied some," I shrugged.
I sat down and the bus pulled away. Emily Riem was sitting a couple of rows in front of me. She turned around, and I waved, and she smiled and turned back around. We neared the next stop, and as the bus slowed, I looked out the window. There were a couple of younger kids standing in a circle together by a mailbox, trying hard to look like they weren't freezing their tails off.
"I bet they're all high. Don't they look high?" Sean said.
"They're freshmen," I said. "Freshmen don't get high."
"Bull," Clay said.

I looked a little past them and then I saw this other kid, really skinny and pale, and he was just standing by the stop sign. I’d seen him around before, and I knew that he usually rode a smaller, separate bus to school, but I guess the school got rid of it because it look like he was supposed to get on mine. The freshmen got on, but the pale kid just stayed glued to the stop sign, with his back to it, and he wouldn’t move. He looked really scared, in fact he kind of always did, like the mice on discovery channel when they are about to get eaten by a snake or lizard, and you can see how big their eyes are and you can see their chests going up and down really fast. Snot dribbled from his nose and hovered above his lip.
“Hey, kid, are you getting on, or what?” The bus driver said. The kid didn’t say anything.

“I can’t leave you here alone,” the driver continued, “and I’m already behind schedule. Let’s go.” He wouldn’t move. A girl in the front of the bus started complaining about how cold it was.
“Close the door,” she wailed, attempting to stretch her miniskirt over her knees.
The group of freshmen started talking and laughing and I think that they knew the pale kid, but I wasn’t sure, and I looked back outside, and he just slumped against the pole and slid to the ground and his chin trembled.
“What the hell is this kid’s problem?” Sean laughed.
“Shhhh,” Clay hushed him, and then pointed to the textbook.
“Oh you know you’re going to fail that anyways,” Sean pushed him.
“Hey, man, watch it,” Clay snapped. They started screwing around and I looked up at Emily. She was laughing with her friends who I never really liked and then she said something and pointed to the kid outside and they all lost it. The bus driver tapped his foot and breathed out loud, impatient.
I remembered in the beginning of the year, as I was serving the first of many detentions, when that kid and his mom came up to one of my teachers after school. As I scrubbed the desks I had “vandalized” in class, his mom explained to Mr. Dimaro about her son and the panic attacks he gets and what to do. I remembered how her voice was high and breathy and how he was behind her; how he stood there and tried to be small.

I got a weird feeling in my stomach, and then I got up and walked through the aisle and down the steps and damn, it was cold. I went over and stood above him. Because the air was so chilled and raw, he had gotten a nosebleed, and there was a lot of blood pouring down his face, around his mouth and down his chin, and it looked like rivers on a map. He was breathing really shallow and whimpering between gasps, and I thought he was having a panic attack right there.
“Hey,” I said. He inhaled some of his blood by accident and coughed some of it onto his shoes and then let out the most terrible sound I’d ever heard.
“Hey,” I said, louder. I squatted down next to him and grabbed him by his shoulders. His T-shirt was brand new and kind of scratchy.

“Calm down,” I ordered. He just kept groaning and heaving his chest.
“Calm down,” I pleaded.

I think Sean and Clay and Emily were watching, but my back was to them and maybe they were all gone, but I could still hear the bus so I knew that they weren’t. The kid closed his eyes and let out another really bad sound and I could see he was drowning, drowning in fear, and I thought that he was going to die right there so I slapped him hard on the cheek and yelled, “Hey!” and then there was blood all over my hand and smeared on his mouth and chin. He opened his eyes after I hit him and looked at me and I said, “Stop it. Stop it.” He eventually calmed down after focusing on his breathing for a little bit. I felt his muscles relax under my grip that I still had on his shoulders. When he finally said, “Sorry, sorry,” I peeled him off of the stop sign and stood him up. He covered his nose with the sleeve of his jacket to block any more blood from coming out.

“It’s ok, it’s fine,” I said. “You should go home. It’s fine.” I handed him his backpack and he walked away. When I looked down I saw that there was absolutely nothing left on the sidewalk, no sign that anything had happened, and I had to watch him leave to remind myself that he was even there in the first place.
When he was gone, I turned around and then I think everyone saw the blood on my shirt and hands. I was sweating pretty bad too, and my eyes were probably really wide, and I was breathing hard. I went back up the steps and the bus driver stared at me and I made my way to the back again, and some of the kids stared at me too but most had gone back to their own conversations. I passed Emily and I bet she smiled at me but I didn’t look at her. I got to my seat and Clay was still reading his science book and Sean had his phone out and was playing a game. The windows were mostly steamed up from the heat inside the bus, so I couldn’t see outside anymore. I sat down and then looked at my hand, and I saw that some blood had run down my forearm, and it looked like rivers, too.