There are demons who visit in the night, whispering to me, luring me in. They lure me to sleep and then they take me. They drown me, kicking and screaming. All i can think is 'Mary, Mary, Mary'.

Then I'm back in our room, sitting alone in our bed. Every time, i know it is wrong - something is wrong. The demons trick my brain. I'm awake. Am i?

A thump from downstairs rouses me in this night terror. It isn't always a thump. Sometimes it's a shot going off, or a scream. Always something horrible. I always fall for it. Always.

I feel my heart pounding and i jump from my bed. It's so real, so real.
my feet hit the carpet and i run downstairs. I fall on something on the stairs. I never get to see what it is.
It's terrible. I'm falling down the stairs. I crack my head on the bottom, but i jump up, terror in my heart.

Then i stop. something cold, something metal is against my forehead. I know it's a gun.

"Go" a unmemorable voice tells me and I'm directed into our living room.

Mary sits there, tears running down her cheeks, makeup smudged. She looks like a beautiful, sad angel. Patrick is cradled in her arms. He's sleeping in a soft, blue blanket.

A cold gun is pushed into my head.

"Do it" the person directs. Gun against my forehead, gun in my hand.

slowly, yet confidently i raise it, towards Mary. Why? Why do the demons take me?

my voice is steady as i say, "I love you".

Patrick is crying now, wailing at the top of his lungs. I'm pressing my lips together and all at once i forget what I'm doing.

I pull the trigger.

The gun is hot in my hand. Heat radiates around me. I'm burning, the house is burning.

"Joe!" Mary yelles. Her voice trembles, and finally I'm back.

I'm back in her arms, sweating and shaking when i open my eyes.

"Oh, Joe, I'm so glad your back." She cries. My breathing is rapid while i try and fail to remember what scared me so badly.

"Do you remember what you dreamt?" she asks. I shake my head.

no, i don't remember. i never do.