Elements(Redux) | Teen Ink

Elements(Redux)

January 28, 2014
By BurrThistle GOLD, Jaipur, Other
BurrThistle GOLD, Jaipur, Other
10 articles 0 photos 162 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect


I flipped another page in the book. Threw it on the couch. Got up. Sat down again. Chewed my nails. Reminded myself not to chew my nails. Checked my watch. Picked up the book. Walked in the kitchen. Opened the refrigerator. Closed it. Opened it again with a sense of urgency. What was I searching for?
Checked my watch yet again.
I had never thought two minutes could take so long.
With a sense of purpose (fueled by desperation), a grabbed a blanket and the small white stick on the table and headed out in the backyard. Found a cool place under a tree. Spread the blanket and laid down on my back. Checked my watch again.
Everyone knows it shouldn't be this hot. The sun was just setting, yet its dying rays offered no respite from the muggy heat of a Florida August. I sweat through my cotton shirt onto the grass. It was that time of the day when the shadows lengthened and the birds quieted. A car passed on the street playing ‘Red Lipstick’

Ignoring my instincts, I rolled over on my stomach, away from the blanket. Face down on the mud. The grass was still damp after the afternoon thunderstorm. I flipped over again, feeling the sun on my face. The grass blades caressed and tickled my limbs.
Kind Leaves! My inner masochist sought for something more painful. As compensation, I raked my fingernails over my legs. Dug them in, I wanted to see blood, I needed to be castigated.
Tears rolled down from my cheeks into my mouth, travelled from the side of eyes and into my ears and in my mouth.
Bitter Water! It wasn’t enough wash away my sins. I needed to be doused in scalding liquid. I needed to drown, to have my lungs fill up and my breathing stop.
The air was thick with moisture, almost viscous because of the humidity. It pressed down on me, like an oppressing blanket.
Cruel wind! Could it not sense that I wanted anguish, not numbness? The blanket may be stifling, but it was still sweet in its protectiveness.
My body heated as the tears flowed easier and the nails clawed violently at my arms and legs.
Strange Flames! They never come when I need them the most. I needed them now; I must burn for what I did. I invited them; let them lick me up and down. Threw my head back and wailed.
The screams of a broken woman are bizarre, confusing in the myriad of emotions that ring through the pitches. Though, my voice, like the birds, fell silent. A car passed playing ‘Elements’
I lay back, once again in my initial position. Where the leaves touched me, the water drowned me, the air suffocated me and the flames raged through my body. I stayed still, hoping to become one with nature, hoping desperately that the ground would split up and swallow me, making me an Elemental. Take me to a world there were no judgments, no rights and wrongs, no responsibilities and no decisions.
The memories, repressed for so long, took over without warning.

My mother, whispering ‘I’m glad no child of mine ever did that’, as she openly stared at a young couple passionately kissing in the back seat of the bus.
Other memories too, the pleasure that they brought was almost intolerable. Neatly cut cocaine on the glass table. Tiny pink pills that worked well with vodka. Ghastly green alcohol which caused the most wonderful hallucinations. Weed in the joints, weed in the brownies, weed everywhere!
But I had never taken any of these, my drug was always much more dangerous, much more pleasurable and inexorably addictive.
His eyes were sad and his smile absurdly beautiful. I could never get enough of him. In the backseat of his car, always kissing, always in each other’s arms.
Brown liquid in glass bottles, down our throats. That night, it felt so perfect, as if the heaven itself had descended upon Earth. It never even bothered either of us that we didn't have a condom.

Ah! Sweet, disjointed recollections of a wild past.

Back to modern times: my phone rang and I swooped to see the picture of a pretty blonde on the screen.
“Well, what’s the verdict?” she asked
Time seemed to have congealed around me, slowing down, or maybe stopping entirely. I looked at the white stick again, traced the two red lines with my eyes. They looked so odd. They did not belong in primitive world I was living in a few seconds ago.
No longer one in a million, but now one among a million. A mere statistic. Laughing stock. Just like the 750,000 young girls in The United States.
“It’s positive, Lindsey. I’m pregnant”
Silence. This kind of news demands it.
“What are you going to do?”
“I think you know, Linds”
I hung up the phone and once again, became one of the elements. Forever stuck in the fluid state between memories and reality.



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This article has 18 comments.


on Sep. 20 2014 at 8:31 am
dgeileen PLATINUM, Livingston, New Jersey
31 articles 2 photos 109 comments

Favorite Quote:
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
― Oscar Wilde

Wow. I love the description and I liked how there was a bit of ambiguity in the beginning and only till the first fragments of her memories do we see why she's craving pain.

on Apr. 16 2014 at 4:10 pm
BurrThistle GOLD, Jaipur, Other
10 articles 0 photos 162 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect

Yes, maybe should have given a teaser. but you see, i was kinda hoping that once the sligtly confused reader gets to the end and everything becomes much clearer, he/she would maybe, just maybe read the whole thing from the start. But anyway, thanks for taking the time out and reading it.  

KaavyaM said...
on Apr. 15 2014 at 10:24 am
This is beautifully written, Shagun. I especially love the wording in the third paragraph where you refer to each of the elements; it's done sort of unobtrusively, and yet it adds to the effect of the story, along with the title. You have a way with words; I have these precise mental images in my mind as I'm reading, so you've done a great job. Possibly, you could have given us the reason as to why she was so upset a little sooner. Not the whole thing, but maybe just a sort of teaser.. It might help the reader empathise a little more when you're describing her pain and regret, because right now, the reader has no idea why the girl is upset. This was lovely. Keep writing more. :)

on Apr. 11 2014 at 8:30 pm
Lauren_Marie_115 BRONZE, Cincinnati, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They say before you start a war, you better know what you're fighting for."

Sure thing!

on Apr. 10 2014 at 1:31 pm
BurrThistle GOLD, Jaipur, Other
10 articles 0 photos 162 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect

Thank you for the feedback, i really appreciate negative ( or constructive) critisims. Would you also read my piece- At War?

Thalion SILVER said...
on Mar. 27 2014 at 7:00 pm
Thalion SILVER, Peoria, Illinois
9 articles 3 photos 53 comments
Intresting... Odd story idea, but very well written!

DannyX BRONZE said...
on Mar. 20 2014 at 10:53 am
DannyX BRONZE, Lynch Station, Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Apparently there is nothing that can not happen today,

Well written with a very dark side. I will admitt that this is not my particular genre of knowledge, but I felt it was good. Keep Writing.

on Mar. 17 2014 at 6:20 pm
Lauren_Marie_115 BRONZE, Cincinnati, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They say before you start a war, you better know what you're fighting for."

I really like how your title reflects the contents of the story. Also, I find your use of short, quick, meaningful sentences adding to the dramaticy of the story. If I were to be a slight bit picky, I'd recommend combining some of the shorter sentences, but that's just my opinion. Thanks for an enjoyable read, and I liked the message you added at the end :)

MegaSock GOLD said...
on Mar. 6 2014 at 6:13 pm
MegaSock GOLD, Beverly, New Jersey
13 articles 1 photo 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
Endeavor. There is nothing greater, and nothing more dangerous, nothing safer, and nothing lesser than taking a step out the door, to endeavor.

Cool story! The regreting sensation was pretty strong in this, and that's what I liked about it! Good job!

on Feb. 28 2014 at 1:43 am
BurrThistle GOLD, Jaipur, Other
10 articles 0 photos 162 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect

The piece starts with my protagonist waiting on her pregnancy test.It is during this two minute wait that i show how she has a very strict and conservative mother. How her mother, watching an unkown couple kissing passionately in the backseat of a bus told her daughter that she should never indulge in such vile public displays of affection. Then the aforementioned daughter(my protagonist) goes to her boyfriend, drinks too much whiskey and makes love to him in the backseat of his car. This piece is all about rebellion under a strict parent and then the ultimate haunting regret over her silly actions. Hope this makes it clearer

on Feb. 28 2014 at 1:35 am
BurrThistle GOLD, Jaipur, Other
10 articles 0 photos 162 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect

thank you so much :)  

on Feb. 27 2014 at 12:00 pm
Mr.packerbear12 SILVER, Minnesota Lake, Minnesota
5 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Judge lest not you be judged"

"Take the plank out of your own eye before the speck out of your brother's"

"live each day as if it's your last"

"God doesn't give you what you can handle, He helps you handle what you are given"

OKay, It had great details, but I couldn't quite grab what the story is getting at. The paragraphs up to the two kissing in the bus did not make sense to me, like from the two kissing onwards was great, but I don't understand the first half, could you explain please?

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 10:47 am
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 633 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

Truly beautiful! I love your word choice, and the ending is just a perfect way to sum everything up, yet having the reader want more. Awesome!

on Feb. 20 2014 at 10:38 am
Nella.Girl97 BRONZE, Ashland, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 437 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart."

Awesome amazing beautiful! You defiantlty have talent writing!

on Feb. 18 2014 at 10:37 am
Authorintraining88 GOLD, Somewhere:p, Massachusetts
11 articles 1 photo 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
You are the universe experiencing itself

This is so well written! Definitley hope to read more of your work! (: Keep it up!

on Feb. 18 2014 at 9:43 am
BurrThistle GOLD, Jaipur, Other
10 articles 0 photos 162 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect

Thank you !

on Feb. 17 2014 at 12:16 pm
MissLizzieGirl GOLD, Arvada, Colorado
16 articles 6 photos 66 comments
Wow! I love it.

on Feb. 17 2014 at 10:35 am
writingsamstorys SILVER, Wallkill, New York
6 articles 2 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light"- Albus Dumbledore

Hey i love this story! its absolutly amazing!!!


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