Hank Henry was an ordinary man. He preferred his burgers to be cooked medium well, he was not particularly fond of spicy or fishy food, and he collected bottle caps that he found interesting. He wrote short stories to mixed reviews from his co-workers at the office he worked at. Hank had no family and lived alone in a small apartment close to his work. He didn't like long commutes, and he didn't mind always being close to work, so the location was perfect. Hank was generally satisfied with the life he led.

Hank got home from a typical Tuesday at work and immediately walked to the sink. He had been thinking about it all day. He looked into the dark void that was the garbage disposal, and realized what a beautiful piece of machinery it was.
“You know you want to put your hand in me and flip the switch” whispered the garbage disposal.
“I do, I really do, but without both my hands I will surely get fired from my job!” Hank retorted.
“So?” the garbage disposal replied.

Hank thought it over. He weighed the pros and cons. He called a friend and asked for his advice. His friend agreed with the garbage disposal. Hank took a giant swig from a bottle of Listerine, for he rarely had liquor in his home, threw up, and looked at his right hand for the last time. Hank turned on the garbage disposal and shoved his hand into its awaiting mouth.

The dull teeth of the in-sink-erator grabbed at his flesh and furiously started tearing it apart. He could hear the delicate bones of his hand snap, but he couldn't feel a thing. He was overcome with joy, relief, and a primal satisfaction. He pushed his hand in deeper and deeper. The blades of the garbage disposal now met with the beginnings of Hank's radius and ulna and the tensile strength of the two bones, plus the torque of the garbage disposal forced his elbow to dislocate. His forearm, now endowed with many more articulations of movement, starting to spin freely. However, the skin of his forearms had not become any more flexible and tore at the elbow. By pure chance one of the teeth of the garbage disposal caught on a flap of skin near his wrist and tore it off, pulling the rest of the skin left on his arm with it. The garbage disposal could take no more and ground to a halt.

He removed his arm, now completely flayed and spurting blood from the many severed blood vessels. Hank didn't want to ruin his new shag carpet, a lovely green that would just be bastardized by the red blood, so he walked to his bathroom and laid down in the tub. He looked up at the ceiling and noticed all of the water damage.
“I'll surely need to fix that,” he thought to himself.

By now the tub was almost full with the blood that had drained out of his body. The stump was hardly bleeding anymore, so he decided that he could get out of the tub now. Hank was tired after such an exciting day, so he decided to go to bed.

When he woke up the next day, he took a shower, put on fresh clothes, and went to work. Immediately after seeing Hank's handless stump his boss took him aside and let him know that he would have to be let go due to his missing hand. Even though it was known that this would be the consequence, Hank became enraged and tackled his boss. Hank sat on the bosses' chest and put his remaining thumb on one of the man's eyes and pressed down with increasing pressure until he felt the eye pop and saw the intraocular fluid start to flow. Hank darted to his car and promptly drove home.

Later that day he put out an ad on Craigslist looking for a job for a person with one hand. No one has given him any offers.