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A wo-man's Best Friend

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In today's society, we are all trying to make it in the "real world" or the "big league.” this can be really stressful and crazy, which makes people stressed, selfish, and even narcissistic - not the kind of person you would want to spend the rest of your life with. Therefore, cats are the best lifelong companion. They are cute, loyal, and great listeners - the ideal companion. Cats can also provide you with great company, and you don't even need to worry about cleaning them or sharing a bathroom with them. More importantly, cats are lazy - you don't need to take the out for daily walk, or take them to soccer practice / hockey games. So I ask you, who would want to be a cat lady?

In order to become a successful cat lady and live the glamorous cat lady life, you must do as I say. It is important that you do not try to skip or improvise a step. The first and most important thing you must do is: choose your cats. This must be done wisely and carefully because this will determine whether you become a regular cat lady or loving, cat obsessed kind of cat lady. So, you want to bring home a cat that loves you, and treats you well. Now, when you buy or adopt your cats, you might want to choose a cat that has your favorite color for looks like your mom was just woke up in the morning. (Don't tell her I said that.) Remember, your cat will be your only source of companionship.

Another important step you must take is the distance yourself from other people: your friends, family, significant other. Trust me, the last thing you want is your "best friend" to come over to your house for a "visit", and then "accidentally" bring your Captain Sissy pants or Mr. Sparkles home. However, you do not need to worry about being alone, as you're feline companions are all you'll ever need. They won't lie to you, or interrupt you, and more importantly, they will never call you a loser or freak behind your back, even if you are one. Yet, they will continue to love you, and keep you company. Regardless of how you may look or smell - as long as you provide them with food and do not step on them.

Cat lady dress code. If you're really serious is becoming a cat lady, you must look the part; it is important that everyone around you know that your cat lady, and if they go anywhere near your cats, you will claw their face. Traditionally, cat ladies just wear a pair of jeans and T-shirt. However, a hard core or extreme cat lady would get pictures of her cat screen printed onto their shirts - and refused to wear anything without a picture of her cat on it. In this case, the more cats you have, means more t-shirt options - not that anyone cares, because your cats definitely won't.

In today society, the postal system allows you to shop at home - now you can buy cat food online and have it delivered straight to your door. However, be careful when you're receiving those packages of cat food - the mail delivery guy might find your cats cute want to take one home for their little girl. Therefore, your best option is to have a note on your door with instructions as to where to leave your package, and then pick it up when you're sure the coast is clear. It may sound ridiculous and unneeded, but unless you want to take the chance and have Mr. Sparkles catnapped... I would do as you are told. Furthermore, you can prevent all this by the way you decorate your house - especially near the windows and doors. These are places that are easily seen by everybody.

The way to decorate your house is also really important. This can potentially save you from chasing those dirty, snotty, little people off your lawn. Trust me you never know what they want and they just might want to take home Mr. Sissy pants home. Moreover, by decorating your house the right way, it can make your cats feel more at home and it just might even seem welcoming each other stray, homeless cats. Now, before you go in flood your house with cat statues and pictures, keep in mind that too many cat related object can make your cats feel jealous or anxious - Portraits of you and your cat is recommended but remember to know where the correct cat screen printed t-shirt when taking the pictures!

As you can see or should have already figured out, cats are truly "a wo-man's best friend," and in order to be truly happy in life, having as many cats as your house will hold, is part of the road to becoming truly and genuinely happy.

Best of luck to you!




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readaholicThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
today at 7:36 pm:
I like how sarcastic and funny this piece is, but you need to emphasize that more.  There seem to be quite a few grammar/spelling things that can make it confusing at times.  A little more fluency and word choice would also be good, but overall, it's a good idea and fun to read!
 
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