And sometimes we realize that we are alone. We are alone in that no one will ever understand what we thought we were meant to do, in what we thought we were meant to be. At some point life doesn't end like a movie. It just ends. It's then that we see all the time we were moving towards a big picture that didn't exist, we were striving for things that didn't matter. Time took snap shots of the moments in our lives and we let them pass us by on the film roll, waiting for the real moments. We keep waiting for these real moments, for the things that will hit us so hard that we will take in one deep breath and think I am alive, and we wait so deeply and hope so steadily for these moments to come, we don't see that the moments we spend waiting are the real ones. There is no picture on the camera roll that will reflect everything it means for us to be alive. There is now. Now changes with every split second, slipping by like the blades of a fan with no off button. Now cannot be stopped, it cannot be held onto. It runs away between every blink and every breath, chasing tomorrow, next week, and next year. And sometimes we realize that we are alone. No one will ever understand all the things we feel and see, no one will ever be exactly the way we are. Sometimes we realize we only understand ourselves, and sometimes that is enough.
February 25, 2013