SECRET ADMIRER



Hello readers, I am Ashley Baker, the typical introverted girl in high school. I’m going to show you a part of my journal from this year and how I realized being popular is not that important and that you can meet amazing people anywhere. I am seventeen years old; I have an older brother named Jack. He has always been there for me, because he is my best friend. He is 3 years older than me, which means he is 20. He is very handsome, well at least that’s what everyone tells me. He has wavy brown hair that combs itself naturally; he doesn’t need to do anything to his hair. He looks really virile and has a sharp style. My mom tells him that he has a really charming gaze and a dazzling smile, which it’s completely truth. All the girls in high school were delirant or cuckoo whenever he did his gangway through the halls. He and I have hung out in our tree house every evening since we were little, that’s our secret place. Don’t really expect the tree house you admire from movies, this one is not even close, but the fact of being there with him, supporting me and being wacky is a moment I wouldn’t change not even for a fortune.
For junior year I felt miserable and down because I didn’t feel pretty, although I can’t say I’m known for being appealing. In middle school I was this fat girl, but then I started to exercise. Every evening during summer I went to a club where I swam continuously during an hour, it was great because it’s the only sport I’m good at. Also I was in Hawaiian and Tahitian dance classes, then I realized that moving my hands wasn’t really my thing so I changes to belly dance and hip hop. All this exercise helped me and now I’m skinny. I don’t wear glasses or braces like the timid girls on movies. I’m actually a really girly girl, but the problem with me is that I am very diffident; my biggest fear is talking in public. I get hysterical and start to stutter when everyone’s eyes are on me. But it’s enough about my life; I’m going to show you a part of my journal from this year. I’m going to explain you how I realized being popular is not that important and that you can meet marvelous people anywhere.
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August 17
Today I woke up and I took a shower. My mom is really mad at me because I haven’t decided what college I’m going to yet. I do want to go to college but I want to make the right choice. I hope she can afford anyone I’d like. I threw out the garbage and I found this bottle cap that’s pink. I wonder from what drink is it. I love bottle caps, I have like a hundred of them in a box, and they are of different shapes and colors. Some of them have these amazing textures like one I have that has a heard in the middle. I believe is an incredible design and that who created it was enamored. They just seem amazing to me because they have their own story. I took the bus to school and this girl was staring at me, I felt bad, I mean, it’s my first day of classes and someone’s already looking at me like if I was weird. Also my hair is longer than last year, for the first time in my life I decided to leave it longer and not cut it.
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August 30
Today at lunch, I sat down on the table alone; I believe that’s how it’s going to be for the whole year. You get used to it you know? You get to have time to think about unimaginable situations things and not only hear gossips or judge others. Sometimes I find myself thinking on how a boy will come to my table and take me to this flowery place where he looks at me as if I was the only one. Other times I imagine myself being a grown up and working for important people and getting home while my parents tell me how proud they are of having an enthusiastic, dedicated and gorgeous daughter like me.
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September 15
Today Tony, a popular guy, sat at my table. But I wasn’t happy; he only accepted that humiliation because he needed tutoring for math. I’m not really a master at it, but he still insisted for me to help him. I don’t know why he did that. We talked all through lunch neither or us had time to give a bite to our food. He looked pleased with my explanations. The problems he needs help with are not difficult but they are tricky. I realized he knew the problems and solutions but somehow he didn’t have a good grade. I think something or someone in class is distracting him. I hope he focuses on his problems and gets better grades.
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October 12
My nickname should be ghost, because I am invisible to everyone. I walk alone in the hallway. My hair is completely braided and still looks long. My lips are mummified because I forgot to put gloss on them. My teeth are white as the clouds. I do not wear fancy clothes because I like to be comfortable. I am an average girl with outstanding grades. No guy has ever spoken to me, because I am not as attractive as Melany White, she is the most popular girl at my school. Well yes, there is this guy that talks to me, but I think it is just because he needs help in his class. I think he is really handsome and cute, but he will never like me so I‘d better forget him. He was Melany’s boyfriend in 7th grade.
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October 15
Tony and I are meeting at school on evenings, still for the math tutoring. I think he is improving, although he is still getting distracted in classes. Oh Lord, I’d love to know who is distracting him. It could be Danielle or maybe Jennifer, they are really pretty, I guess I will never know. You silly Ashley, start focusing on your school assignments and not on Tony!
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October 19
Yesterday I was eating at lunch and I felt a gaze, I felt awkward because I thought someone was staring at me. I looked in every direction and noticed it was Tony. I blushed. Hard to admit it because I told myself a week ago I had to forget him. He is just an unreachable guy for someone like me. I guess… all this time we have spent together during tutoring has brought some feelings to this lonely girl.
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October 23
Today Tony yelled my name in the hallway. Everyone’s eyes were on me. I felt like an alien. I suddenly became very tiny; everyone was gigantic and was staring at me. How embarrassing! The good thing is that he was looking for me; the bad thing is that it was only to have another session in the evening. Well I guess, just having him by my side on tutoring will be amazing.
-o-
I can’t believe it! Today in tutoring he asked me for my number! I looked really dumb though, because I accidentally dropped my papers to the floor in that precise moment. I believe he wants my number so he won’t have to yell my name on the hallways. That way no one is going to know he spends time with me.
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October 24
Today in the evening I was eating brownies and my phone ringed. I thought it was dad so I immediately answered, I love talking to my dad, I took the phone and yelled, “How are you daddy?” I heard laughs. I got scared, I checked the number and it was under the name “unknown”. By mistake I called someone daddy! I couldn’t breathe, maybe my cousins were calling and I was yelling, “How are you daddy?” I hung up because I was so embarrassed.
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October 25
Yesterday the phone rang again about three times. I didn’t take the phone because it was the number that called yesterday in the evening. I hope they won’t call again from that number.
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October 26
gfdsI still don’t know who called, I wonder if it was my cousin Fred. Yes, maybe it was he. No one calls me, that’s why it’s really weird that from out of nothing I receive this phone call. I only have my phone in order to call my mom to pick me up.
-o-
It’s 9 pm and I’ve got 5 missed calls from this number again. I don’t know if I should pick up!
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October 27
I finally decided to pick up but just in the moment I said hello, the person calling hanged the phone. I’m getting tired of these calls.
-o-
It was Tony! How do I know? Because I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and the phone rang. I ran to get the phone and tripped. I thought I couldn’t make it but I hurried up and answered it. He asked me why I didn’t answer all the other calls. I didn’t reply. Then he asked me about what I did through the day and if I was enjoying it. He also asked me what would I think about more tutoring tomorrow. I immediately accepted and smiled from ear to ear.
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October 28
Today I found a chocolate on my table with a note that said: “You had me at hello”. I have a secret admirer! How’s that even possible? Wow, I didn’t know how to react or say. Who is he? How does he look like? I’ve spoken to him because of the note… I hope I soon discover who he is.
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October 29
Today a letter was on my desk, when I opened it I read:
“I know you are shy and that you don’t realize how beautiful you really are. You may think I’m a coward for being a secret admirer and don’t tell you this face to face. But the truth is… when you look at me I get so nervous and I can’t tell you how I really feel. I love your smile and the way you are. This is more than a crush, more than a like, more than a love. I’m gonna make you as happy as you make me just by smiling.”
WOOW! This guy really loves me, the only bad thing about all this is that I have no clue on who is he. I wanna know!!!
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October 30
Today I stayed with Tony at tutoring; he was so distracted; he didn’t even pay attention to me. Why would he go to tutoring if he’s not going to pay attention?
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November 5
I haven’t received anything else from my secret admirer. Is he already bored of me? I liked the way he wrote; I thought it was deep and cute. Those words made me feel more special than he’ll ever know.
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November 6
Anything. Maybe someone wrote the letter trying to be funny. They shouldn’t mess with others feelings.
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November 7
This thing of the secret admirer made me almost forget how much I like Tony. I haven’t seen him in days. I haven’t seen him in the hallways; maybe he’s avoiding me. Anyways, I hope he is okay.
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November 8
You don’t know what I realized! Tony hasn’t gone to school this week because his leg is broken. The other day at school while playing basketball he injured it. He wasn’t avoiding me, I was totally wrong! He looked for me at lunch and asked me to stay today because he needed to talk to me.
-o-
He didn’t show up; he sent me a message telling me he was sorry, that he couldn’t go. Do I look like a doll? No? Then why is he playing with my feelings and me?
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November 9
Today is the lake party at Melany’s house. Everyone is invited, even me! I don’t think I’m going…
-o-
Well now I think about it, I am going to the party, we never know, maybe I get to see Tony.
-o-
I got to the party and everyone stared at me, no one has ever seen me in a dress and with make up, I think they were surprised. I saw Tony laughing far away with his friends; he looked so cute. He looked at my way and stared at me with a smile. He walked towards me. When he was in front of me, he told me “hi”, asked me “how are you” and then turned around and started walking away. He dropped a paper, the one I picked up and read. It was the same letter as the one of my secret admirer! He is my secret admirer!
I decided to go by the lake to think clearly… Suddenly I realized that Tony really loved me. Those missed calls left a hidden message to my heart. The unanswered messages went to my brain’s inbox that automatically saved them. I felt his gaze when I ate my lunch at recess. The secret chocolates and candy on my desk had his scent. His friends stared at me not because I was weird, but because they were looking at the girl he was so in love with.
The sky was full with shinny stars and that moon, was a full moon, like the one you see at midnight at the beach. I felt the water on my toes and I saw a body approaching towards me. My cheeks were reddish and my heart was not beating, it was buzzing. The shadow appeared on my side, someone was next to me. I turned around and I saw Tony, he looked into my eyes and kissed me.
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November 10
Yesterday I got my first kiss, from the guy I like. We are now dating and confessed each other’s love. We are so dumb, he couldn’t tell me he loved me because he was shy and so I was. I’m glad he made a move after I gave up on him.
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December 8
We’ve been dating for weeks now. I love Tony so much.
-o-
He asked me to be his girlfriend today when we had dinner at this cute place. He gave me a pink rose and then a chocolate egg, he told me to open it. For surprise I found a fake ring that had a heart and a picture of us. Then he asked me. We hugged like there was not going to be a tomorrow and then he walked me home.
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I know that for my journal you can see how happy and blessed I was. And I still am because it’s been 8 months since that. You don’t have to be popular to find true love and conquer your fears. Do what you want to do with no regrets. Don’t be a coward when it’s time to say what you think and feel, ‘cause they might not be here tomorrow. Don’t be afraid of falling in love, if it hurts is because it matters. And never forget that you should live life to the fullest, because remember, It’s only one. <3