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what's eating my heart

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Sometimes I realize how I want so much more for myself than i have. Like i want a sweet 16 but I'm not so sure I have the money. I want to be the best I can be without too much on the line. I want to balance my health with my social life but... You can't have all 3. I want to be with Alex forever but he doesn't treat me the way I'd like to be treated half the time. I love him more than cliches cover. I really do. And I do everything I can to make him happy. But it doesn't seem like that's enough. All he ever wants is more more more. And he expects to be able to get away with everything, but I can't do anything. I even told him when his little friend came over, what we did, and when he left. I told him exactly what Jack told me. And he still got mad at me. He wants me to be honest, but when I tell him the truth he doesn't believe me and gets angry. I'm honest with him but he doesn't believe me. And he doesn't ever tell me anything. He hides everything from me. I have to pry it out of him to even get basic information. I really want to trust him. But I'm having issues with it because he doesn't talk to me about anything. He freaks out if I touch his phone. What am I supposed to do? I love him and I really want to trust him. And the oracle cards... He got one saying to recognize his true sexuality and to get help for sexual abuse. The card burned me when I picked it up. And my card, "be honest with yourself," really scared me. I guess this is what I'm writing about. This is what's really on my mind and eating my heart.



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