Slowing Down TImes

October 22, 2012
Slowing Down Time

I wasn’t ready to grow up. Senior year and all I could think about was how fast it went by. I get back to reality; Jenna was talking about her usual school drama.

“Hey Jenna, do you ever think about what’s going to happen after high school?”, I questioned.
She looked at me confused.

“Well of course I do, but we still have time”, she reassured.

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about. I feel like we’re going to wake up soon and realize we’re old.” I explained.
I could tell she was bored with the conversation, so I switched the subject. Although all I could think about was getting more freedom. I wanted a place of my own where I didn’t get told what to do or couldn’t do. I was tired of being judged for coming home late on the weekends or for going to parties. My parents didn’t understand me. Yeah, I know they were teenagers once, but it was different back then. This much freedom wasn’t acceptable. I wanted my own place, so that I could get away from my family. How do you get away from the people who have been there for you all your life? Class dragged. It sucks pretending like you actually want to be in school. When the day was over, I came home, ate something, and then went straight to work. I don’t like my job, but I needed the money.
Before I knew it, December was here and I was done with high school. I was now able to start my future. Christmas was such a fun time. I had told everyone about my plan to move out right after the New Year. My family didn’t seem too fond of the idea, but they supported my decision.

“Are you sure that you’re ready?” my mother babbled.
I was sick and tired of being asked this question.

“Yes, I’m ready and I have my job...I’ve been saving up my money.” I announced.
I have been dreaming of this day since what seemed like forever. Why wouldn’t I be ready?

“What about your education and bills...Sweetie. It’s going to be really hard.”, she mumbled.
I tried to zone out her talking. I didn’t care about what she had to say.

“I’ll be fine mother, don’t worry.” I assured her.
She looked at me worried. I wish they wouldn’t doubt me. Christmas was the last holiday I’d spend with my whole family before I moved out. It was nice being with everyone. Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays. Everyone is so close and we all have a fun time laughing and reminiscing. We opened up gifts and ate food. My mom’s food always brings happiness to everyone. Everything smelt so good. It was that Christmas smell everyone loves. The freshness of the Christmas tree… all the delicious food, the hot chocolate everyone was drinking. It was a perfect memory. Right after Christmas Day, I started packing my things. I spent the New Years with my friends. A few days after the New Years, I officially had my apartment to my name. I felt so alive and free. For the first few weeks I lived in my apartment, all I did was have people over and throw parties. Something I could never do at my house because my parents hated having a lot of people over. They liked the quiet and I didn’t. I basically had an open crib. It was an awesome feeling. Soon after, I had to stop throwing parties because college had started and I couldn’t waste my money or time on these parties. It was all fun and games at first, but now I had to be serious. I had to do everything on my own. I couldn’t survive off ramen soup. If only it were that easy. I was becoming less happy every single day. My days were so busy; I didn’t have enough time for fun. I was always working or I was at school. Wow I thought. I really did have it easy before. I thought about Christmas and wished I could go back and change things. After school one day, I visited my parent’s house. They seemed happy to see me. I didn’t visit often.

“How are you doing?” my mother eagerly asked.

“I’m perfect. I feel free and happy in my apartment.” I answered.
I lied because I didn’t want her to know the truth. Oh, how I wished to be back home.

“I’m glad you’re happy. It feels so weird without you here. It feels like a part of me is missing.” she explained.
I knew the exact feeling she was talking about.

“Aw mom, I love you. I’m still here for you mom...Just in a different house. You’ll get used to it soon. I mean it has already been six months.”
I wish I really could feel like I was fine on my own. I wish I was ready to be independent. My mom seems so strong. Why couldn’t I be strong like her? I looked around my living room and remembered the last time my whole family was in there. The smell of all the food and deserts was unforgettable. I remembered how happy everyone was to be together. Everyone was telling each other stories and jokes. I wanted it all back. I went home right after.
I called up my best friend because I needed someone to talk to. She came over right after her class. I was glad to have people there for me.

“What’s going on?” she curiously asked.

I complained, “I’ve just been thinking a lot. I feel so stressed and unhappy. I never have time or money to do fun things. My life revolves around work, school, and paying bills.”

“Have you tried talking to your parents? she expressed.

“Of course not. I told them I can do it and I really want to. Ugh, I just want to be done with college, so that I could start my career. Then I’d have more money and time. Too bad I won’t be done with school for a few more years. I feel so stressed”, I responded.
She didn’t know what to say. I could tell by her face.

She answered, “I don’t know… find a better job or something.”
We decided to watch a movie. I can pretend to be in another world when I watch a movie. Like nothing else matters. Time just stands still.
After this moment, life stayed the same. I was still stressed with paying bills. I was looking forwards for Christmas. It was November, meaning one more month. I’ve been thinking a lot and had decided that I was going to move back into my parent’s house. Just until I graduate and start my career. Then I would be more prepared. I planned on telling my parents about my plans on Christmas. Especially since Christmas was the day I told them I was moving out. I was kind of afraid of what they would say. I was so excited about moving out just a year ago and now I’m excited about going back home. I stayed at my parent’s house Christmas Eve, so that morning when we were eating breakfast I told them the news. They seemed really happy with the news. I told them it was only going to be until I graduated and found my job. They liked this idea a lot. I was moving back in right after the New Year. It felt like déjà vu. I don’t think I could have ever been as happy as I was there. I started working less hours at work because I didn’t need to make as much money. I even started going out with friends more. I really did have it all before. I thought I wanted to get away, so that I could have more freedom. In reality, I had more freedom when I was with my parents.

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