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The Journal of Skyler Jonathan Kartar
Not everybody understands. Honestly, I don’t think anybody does. They think I’m just like all of the other dark gothic kids who sit behind the school, doing drugs and talking about how much they hate their life and everything around them. They think I’m trying to gain attention by doing this stuff and then coming into class with my hair covering my eyes and a too-long hoodie wrapped around me. But I’m not.
Going through hard times alone is enough of an excuse, in my opinion. The drugs numb everything and let me think straight without the thoughts of family coming into my mind. Even though I don’t really have one anymore. They said I had the devil in me, said I gave it to my brother, too, whenever he got sick. Gave us $1,500 and told us to leave. I was only 17 and my brother was only 8.
I rented us a little apartment and got myself a job. I during the night and continued going to school during the day. Should have just dropped out. Staying up late to work was getting to me and I started falling asleep in class. Now it’s just a normal occasion. The drugs don’t even help anymore.
Glenn’s getting worse. He’s starting to have more and more seizures. I can’t afford to help him, though.
It’s scary. I have to sit there and watch his eyes roll back into his head as he starts shaking. And when he comes out of it, I have to calm him down and tell him to stop crying and rub his back when he gets sick from being so dizzy. It’s scary. I wish I could make everything better. I wish I could be there for him instead of having to go to school and to work.
There is a kind lady next door, though, who said he could stay with him while I’m not home. She’s a fairly old woman with a kind heart. She said that Glenn would be safe with her. She said she even knew how to take care of him if something happened.
It’s nice to know that he’s safe, even when I’m not around.
There was this really sweet girl I met today at school. Her name was Willow. I told her that her name matched her beautiful personality. That made her smile. I smiled back, of course. We talked for a long while before we finally had to get to class.
She actually understood me. I felt comfortable telling her everything, and she understood. She said her parents never understood her, either. I said she could come live with us, but she wouldn’t do it. She cares too much about her family.
I wish I could have gotten to know her better, though. I asked her if she wanted to come over Saturday and hang out and meet my brother. She smiled again and said she’d love to.
The feeling is foreign to me, but I think I might actually be in love with this girl.