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What Once Was

As I sat there wondering if I was still alive, I realized I couldn’t feel my legs. I turned my head to see a motionless body next to me; my wife lay there with blood dripping down her face. I tried to get out of the car to look for help, but I couldn’t move my right leg. I began to shout for help but all I could hear was the echo of my own voice. I couldn’t tell where I was in the darkness of the night with shattered glass in front me. I felt stranded, like there was no living being near to help. There has to be someone anyone, I began to pray out of desperation. God help us please, I don’t know if you are real or not but if you are please, please, send help.

I shouted up the stairs, “Julie hurry up we’re going to be late and your mother is going hate me even more.”

“Oh hush she doesn’t hate you.”

“Well she will after this.”
After about ten minutes we got into the car and I felt the need to rush so we wouldn’t arrive after everyone opened presents. Luckily our two kids Caleb and Grace were already there since they rode with their cousins and Aunt Mary. After two hours of driving Julie and I stopped at a rest stop to relieve our bladders and grab a bite to eat. We pulled back onto the highway when night fell and Julie instantly fell to sleep. The weather took a turn to its worst; all I could see out my window was a torrential downpour of rain. I felt as if my windshield wipers couldn't go any slower. As I looked up from adjusting the volume of the radio I saw a light blue semi-truck speeding toward me I swerved to avoid it, coming head on to a guard rail. Instantly the car started spinning out of control when the last thing I saw was bright yellow lights.

I sat there remembering the moments leading up to the accident. All I could do was wonder if my wife was still alive as I prayed to God to deliver us from this horrific nightmare. I opened my eyes to see the Jaws of Life slowly tearing up the side of the car my wife lay on. A paramedic appeared next to me asking if I was okay and could get out. I cried out, “Safe my wife.” The thought of Julie not making it terrified me. How would I go on without her? How could my kids grasp not having a mother anymore?

A week had passed since the accident and my wife still lay in the hospital unconscious. The doctor came in and told me to prepare myself to let go because she wasn’t going to make it. I cupped my face in my hands to try and stop the tears from coming down. I felt like it was fully my fault, if only I had paid more attention to the road this would have never happened. I began to question God. If he got us out of the accident then why would he take her? Why? I decided to go home to try and pull myself together. The kids were at school so the house was empty. I walked into my room and my wife’s scent was still there. On my way back to the hospital I stopped by our attorney’s office to discuss Julie’s death. It was a hard subject to discuss, I did not want to even think about having to let go. In my heart and in my mind there was still hope for her.

I stepped inside of a church for the first time in fifteen years; I knelt in front of a huge cross that was on stage and began to pray for my wife’s recovery. I asked God to bring Julie back to me because I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own. As I was praying a man walked in and asked for my name. I introduced myself as Carl and he said his name was John. We began to have a conversation about how he had never seen me around before. After about ten minutes of talking he told me that he was the head pastor of the church. He asked me if I needed prayer and I simply said yes. I told him the story of the accident and how my wife was still in a coma a week later. He was very kind and caring. After I left the church I went straight to the hospital hoping that Julie had awakened while I was away. I knelt beside her hospital bed and held her hand asking her to come back to me. She looked so weak and helpless laying there.

When I woke up the next morning I saw her looking at me smiling. Was I daydreaming? She said she forgave me and was not upset at me for the accident. I stood up to hold her in my arms tightly. “Carl, your wife is awake.” The nurse uttered as she shook my arm to wake me. I got up quickly and walked to her bedside. Even though she was alive and breathing she seemed weak to me. We both knew the look in the doctor’s eye meant she may not live past tonight in her condition. She whispered she forgave me and loved me, but this time it was real; she didn’t have the energy to speak anymore. I clutched her hand in mine cherishing the moments we had together. I woke up to her limp hand in mine, and I knew she had found a happier place. God had blessed me with many years with my wife and I knew he had better things in store for me and my family and I just needed to be patient and wait for his word to reveal itself to me.





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