Devil Church Road

By , Fredericksburg, VA
“911, What’s your emergency?”
“I was givin my sermon for the day and this man shot her in my god d*mn church!”
“Shot who sir?”
“Her! The old Mrs. Nikens!”
“Alright, City and State please?”
“Bonafide, Louisana ma’am.”
“And address sir?”
“777666 Devil Church Road, please hurry she’s gettin blood all over my pews!”
“Okay calm down sir, can you explain what happened?”
“I was givin my sermon, bout the 10 commandments. You know thou shall not commit adultery, thou shall not steal, thou shal-”
“Yes, yes I know them. Now what happened to Mrs. Nikens?”
He took a long sigh and continued, “Well ma’am, I got to commandment number six which is thou shall not murder and right after I said it she was shot! Right in from of me too, now you know that boy’ll be goin to h*ll; never seen em before neither. And poor old Mrs. Nikens, she wasn’t the nicest women round here but you know she was strong in the Lord.”
“And your name?”
“Pastor Jimma’y ma’am. Could you please hurry and send some help, people are screamin, babys be cryin, and some people are laughin God knows why!? And I would like to finish my sermon for this here Sunday.”
“Yes sir, help is on its way.”
“Thank you ma’am.”
Pastor Jimma’y shut his cell phone and raised his voice to the chaos around him, “Everyone, would you please calm down. I just talked to the nice 911 lady and she said help is on its way. Now we all need to sit and pray for dear old Mrs. Nikens, because she will be missed by our congregation.”
The room suddenly became awkwardly silent as Pastor Jimma’y began to pray, “Dear Father in heaven, I want to bring to you Mrs. Nikens, she was a fine old lady little head strong but loved everythin bout the church. I want to release her spirit unto you, and cover her in the blood of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen!”
As Pastor Jimma’y ended his prayer sirens started to sound in the background, people began to exit the church orderly and the ambulance pulled up.





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