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Alone

Alone… That’s what I was, alone, my biggest fear had come true. I was completely alone. I hated being alone almost as much as I feared being lonely. This was his fault. He had left me alone. I closed my eyes trying to imagine him. Imagining his playful eyes and his careless smile, it made me feel less alone. I was imagining him walking to me in the way he always had and wrapping his strong arms around me. I could feel him holding me. I could so well remember his arms grasping me to him, as if I was the entire world and nothing less. Then he gently began caressing my hair to comfort me. It was as if he was really there. I could feel him. I could feel his arms, I could feel his body, and I could feel his touch. I turned my eyes to meet his, moving them up his strong chest, past his curved neck, above his compassionate smile, and all the way to his brilliant blue eyes. They seemed to offer sympathy and convey understanding. Those eyes, which captivated me for so long, now held in them the one thing he had never offered me before, kindness. I felt almost complete when I looked into his eyes. As if all these years I had been desperately searching for a purpose and really all I desired was his consideration.

“Why did you leave?” I asked him, reaching up to touch his cheek. He turned his face into my palm, and with a heavy sigh, he closed his eyes. He was trying to sense me in every way imaginable. He was engrossed in my voice, he was captivated by my touch, his eyes had already been gripped by the sight of me, and he seemed to inhale my very essence. He spoke with a quiet pain.

“I promised you forever, but that was what I wanted. We both know you weren’t meant to have or even want forever. You were so frightened of being alone, because you’ve never felt the pain in being alone. You never will. You’re too strong for it.” He looked at me with a twinge of anguish. “I’m sorry if I hurt you…”

“You did, but you shouldn’t be. You’re right. I’ve always been terrified of being alone, because I don’t think I’m strong enough.” I felt like a child, so unsure and so hesitant.

“I promise you, with all of my heart, you aren’t going to be lonely and you aren’t going to hurt.” He gripped me even tighter, and tears began to stream down my face. He gently bent down, and kissed my forehead and whispered softly, “You need to know, no matter how I acted, I loved you without limits, expectations, or stipulations. I loved you unconditionally, and that will never change.” Then, I opened my eyes. He was gone, and for the first time in a long time, I was completely alone. That was okay, though.




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