Mothers Wish

March 1, 2012
“BEEP BEEP BEEP” the alarm clock screeched, Julie reached over, smacked the snooze button twice and sat up. She took in a deep breath, exhaled and slowly moved each leg onto the side of the bed letting each foot dangle for a few seconds in the cool September air before sliding off the soft mattress and onto the cold wooden floor. She slumped over to her desk, spotted her calendar and read the four words she had been dreading for two months: “First day of school”.

She sighed a deep sigh, remembering the days as a little kid where she looked forward to her mom braiding her hair, walking with her hand in hand to school with a brand new shiny lunch box, and kissing her goodbye as she greeted her new classmates and old friends. But now she lived a different reality, all she had to look forward too was wrapping her hair in a messy bun, clutching onto her $2.50 lunch money so no one would take it, and then walking into a dingy and depressing classroom only to be showered in pitiful looks and awkward silences. No one ever knows what to say to a kid who just lost their mother, and Julie had learned that fast.

As Julie was thinking of her mother; her wavy hair, soft voice, and hands that always welcomed a hug when her daughter was distraught, she had started to feel little drops of salt water form in her eyes; the same as her mothers, big and brown. She lifted her arm so that she could wipe the moisture and all the weeks of tears that were begging to be released away, but her phone suddenly buzzed, nudging her back to the cruel reality of a school day. She looked down and sighed as she read that her so called ‘BFFL’, Angela had just texted her. Lately she and Angela were so distant that they barely even saw each other, but that was expected since no one knows what to say to a kid who just lost their mother, and that was a clear known fact. But it wasn’t even like Julie cared anymore though, because ever since Angela started hanging out with Jake and his group of “bad boys” she just wasn’t herself. Julie tapped on the screen twice and began to read the barely literate message “Hey sup, u okay? Anyways let’s ditch! Blakely High is such a joke. Come to da hill be4 skool k?”.

Although Julie knew that her education was practically thing she had, now that she was now living with her grandmother who could just drop down dead at any moment, and her brother was off protesting in some distant country, she started to think over the possibility of forgetting about school all together. Her grades were sliding and she was constantly picked on for the way she dressed. She never used to hate school; she had a few friends, good grades, and a mom that could help with homework, boys, and annoying teachers, but now that her favorite person was gone, she could barely take it anymore. It happened so suddenly that she didn’t know how to feel. Sometimes she was mad at her mom for leaving her, sometimes she thought it was her fault, and other times Julie wondered if her mother wasn’t the only one to pass on that day in June. Her mother died and went to heaven but did she die and go to hell?

The phone buzzed again and she forgot what she was sad about, “So u comin? Jakes bringin some weed if you want some”. Truthfully she did, maybe if she tried some, her life wouldn’t seem so terrible. She couldn’t get addicted and it was a sweet escape from the black hole of life. She slipped on some tattered old jeans and a hoodie, and headed down the stairs. “Bye Mawmaw” she said as she kissed her grandmother on the head and closed the door.

She headed down Green Street, and crossed at Melrose Avenue, her eyes on the the pavement, and not focused on the group of identical green houses on each side of the street like usual. She focused on the cracks of the cement as her feet mindlessly remembered the well known path to the patches of brown grass with rusty swings that was “The Hill”. But as she headed into the run-down neighborhood and cracks in the broken cement grew larger she began to notice something nestled into the dirt: little flakes of grey matter. At first she thought nothing of it, but as she ventured further to her destination, the clumps of grey multiplied, it lay buried into the grass, dusted the trees, and hovered in the air like depressing snowflakes. She stopped and closed her eyes, trying to convince herself that she didn’t know what the grey symbolised, but she could no longer resist the memory of the day, that miserable day where she had lost everything.

The memory had fully consumed her thoughts and she was started to visualize everything. Her brother was making mac n’ cheese while she sat in the other room reading as her mother vacuumed in the dark, windowless cellar that she was planning on turning into an office for her new bussiness. The phone had began to ring, and of course she was too lazy to pick it up, so her brother ran out of the kitchen, and up the stairs to catch the phone before it went off. Then the next thing she could remember was smoke, smoke everywhere, so much smoke she was blinded, until everything became black.

She was then awakened by a bright light and blurry faces, and a man in white scrubs notified her of her mothers death. She was mortified and spoke nothing for days. At the funeral, standing over her mothers cold body she leaned over, kissed her mothers head as tears dripped off her face like water dripping off a damp towel, and told her she would be okay, told her she would be responsible, and that she would love and care no matter what. And now in September Julies phone began to buzz but she didn't answer, instead she looked toward the clouds, smiled and turned towards Blakely High, she would be okay, she would be responsible, and she would love and care.

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