A Smile

January 28, 2012
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Stepping outside she gazes up at the sky, only to be disappointed. It’s one of those days when the weather is not exactly sure what it is going to do. Another dose of uncertainty to add to the already overflowing amount she has on her mind.
Continuing to her maroon Volkswagen she drops her keys and bends over to pick them up but is overwhelmed by a wave of dizziness. Suddenly she struggles to remember why she was outside. A quick glance at her reflection in the car pops her back into reality. Smile, she thinks. Smile and be the princess you pretend to be for everyone, for yourself, for your sanity. And just as she is almost pulled out of her driveway, she sees her mother rushing towards her frantically, holding a paper bag in her hand.
“Honey! Honey oh wait! I made you lunch! Please, please eat it this time. For me!” pleads her mother. For a split second she had forgotten she was the girl hiding an eating disorder. Although the only person that was not aware of the disorder, was herself.
“I eat lunch everyday mom. Sorry I don’t pig out like everyone else.” she lies. In her mind the desire to be thin made up for her hunger.
Her mother’s eyes flash with anger but almost immediately return back to the same kindness of before. “I wish,” her mother starts, “I just-just,” she could not continue. The once kind eyes were now overtaken by agony, flooding with tears.
“Have a good day momma,” she replies in a monotone voice.
One thing she can be certain about is that she will be skinny. She exits the neighborhood to the main road and rolls down her window. With not an ounce of hesitation she flicks the paper bag out of the car. Adjusting her mirror to take a final view of herself, she smiles a practiced smile that would make anyone believe she is the happiest, healthiest girl around. She almost believes it as well.

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