Scars of the Past

February 15, 2012
The gray cloud filled sky cast over Phoenix's head as she slowly shuffled home. She wasn't exactly in a rush unlike the cars that passed her by, not even glancing as they drove along. Her heart ached as her mind began to drift back to the thought of her boyfriend. 
      It had been a year since that horrible day. The day he decided he wanted to fly higher than before and touch heaven. Only problem is he didn't come back down...
      Her dark brown eyes blurred and she realized she was crying as she felt her tears slide down her pale face. She swiftly wiped them away and walked up to their- correct that- her apartment. She promised herself that she wouldn't shed another tear over him, but that promise was almost always broken. 
      She opened her door and threw her jacket on her couch reveling the many thin scars on her arm. She tore her eyes away from her wrist not wishing to remember the pain she inflicted on herself.
      Phoenix opened the fridge rummaging around and grabbed a bottle of water. She downed it quickly and closed her eyes. She forced herself to take a few deep breaths letting the cold air fill her tar coated lungs.
     It isn't fair that she had gotten the worst of everything. Her hand tightened it's grip on the bottle causing it to noisily turn into a small ball of plastic. She felt like the bottle. Empty and crushed.
      Phoenix held her tight grip on the bottle and couldn't take it anymore. She chunked the crushed plastic across the room causing the lamp next to the couch to fly off and shatter to pieces.
     She blinked and looked from her hand to the shattered pieces of lamp and back to her hand. Why had she done that? She really hadn't meant to.
      She clinched her fist back into a ball and stomped away to her bedroom not bothering to clean up the mess she had just caused. She fell face first onto her mattress not moving for awhile.
      Phoenix began to shake as she sobbed. She missed her boyfriend, her old simple life, and her heart. It seemed all of those things had been taken away like a child having their blanket taken by an adult. Her sobs finally turned to quieted sniffs.
      She slid off herself off the bed and dragged her feet lazily to her medicine cabinet. She grabbed her medicine she got for her depression,but then put them back. Instead she grabbed the bottle of ibuprofen and slowly walked back to her room unsure if she was willing to do what she planed on. 
     Phoenix turned on the water for her bath and filled it to the point where it almost spilled over the edge. She set the pills on the edge of the tub her mind still racing with thoughts of everything. 
      She finally stepped into the the tub of cold water still fully clothed. Her eyes wondered from her wrist to the bottle that sat on the edge. The bottle seemed to mock her.
     "You won't do it! Your to scared!" They continued their mock in almost a sing song voice. "Come on! Do it already! That's if your not a wimp! No ones gonna miss you if you do!" 
     Phoenix snatched the bottle and poured a handful of pills into her palm. She looked at her hand one last time and shoved them into her mouth quickly drinking some water afterwards. She let the bitter pills slide down her throat and sat in silence waiting for the pills to take effect.
     Slowly she began to feel the pill work their way through her. She began to slowly shake and it progressed from there. Her body convulsed causing water to fly out of the tub and the bottle of pills to fall to the floor spilling everywhere. She felt her heart struggling to beat in her chest, but it soon turned to slow pitter patter then to nothing. That's when things went dark....
     What Phoenix saw next  amazed and scared her all at the same time. A white light shined into her eyes nearly blinding her. She tried to cover her face,but her arm didn't seem to want to move.
      "Am I dead?" she asked puzzled in a low raspy voice she barley recognized as her own.
      "She's back! Someone give her some morphine and pump out her stomach!" Yelled an obnoxious male voice next to her. She cringed at the sudden noise and instantly regretted it. She wanted it to be nice and quite again and she desperately wanted rest.
      "For god's sake  someone get me a damn IV in here!" The man yelled again causing Phoenix to stir.
"Your going to be okay." A soft female voice whispered I'm her ear. "You may feel a little sting in your arm but that's just the IV." She continued to sooth.
     Phoenix's eyes shot open as she realized the IV was a needle. She had to get out of there. No way was she letting a needle enter her when her boyfriend had died a year to this day to a heroine over dose.
      She struggled against the hands that held her down. All she wanted was to see her boyfriend again. To be able to feel his warmth, his strength, and his love. She hadn't meant for it to tun into all of this mess.
     Phoenix felt them roll up her slave and tap her arm trying to find a vein. That only encouraged her more to get out of there.
      She stopped struggling almost instantly. A warm wave washed over her as she slipped into oblivion. She didn't want to leave here.
    "You don't have to." Said the sweet familiar voice of her boyfriend as he wrapped his arms around her. Phoenix just smiled for the first time in a year. She finally had gotten her wish.    

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