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Do they see me? Do they see how much pain I’m in? Or is my pain entertaining them? Their laughter haunts me. It follows me home and gets louder every time an insult comes out of their mouths. Their words play over and over like a new song on the radio. That’s it. My mind is like a radio, a radio full of insults, judgment, and laughter. No one cares about me. All of the bystanders just stand in the corner and watch me get shot down. Are they laughing behind my back too? Do they also put brutal stuff about me on their Facebook or Twitter? Or are they defending me? I doubt it.
You know, sometimes I wonder why God put me on this earth. Sometimes I wonder if there is a God. I mean, if there was I’m sure he wouldn’t have me living like this. Would he? But to be honest, at this point I don’t care about my life. That’s exactly why I’m ending it. In two days, I’m going to steal my father’s gun and I’m going to blow my brains out. Sure there’ll be a lot of blood but I don’t care. I want everyone to see what they put me through. I even want my parents to see what they did to me. I’ve been sexually, physically, and verbally abused in my fifteen years of living, and now it’s time to end it. This is the life I live of being alone.
Second to the last day of living: It was a sunny day. The birds were chirping and everyone’s attention seemed to be on something other than me. Hey, maybe today wasn’t going to be another day of crying in the bathroom stall.
“Hey Laura! We have something for you!” I heard Tyler – the biggest bully in the school – call out to me.
I kept my head down and walked slowly down the hall. I had to pass him in order to get to my next classroom. Or, I can just go the long way and avoid any future humiliation. I quickly turned and headed for the big screen doors leading to the stairs.
“Whoa, there girl, slow down.” Tyler grabbed my hand giving me a devilish smile. His hands were cold and rough. His hands suffocated mine and made them numb. I couldn’t breathe; his smile was slowly making my lungs catch on fire.
“I just want to give you something. But first take your book bag off...” He whispered. His empty hand grabbed my shoulder roughly. “… I’m sure it’s heavy.” He smashed me towards the lockers making my back burn.
“Go ahead. Take off the book bag.”
“No.” I whispered grabbing my book bag tightly. I don’t know what type game he was playing but I wasn’t buying it.
“Take off the book bag!” He yelled pushing me harder into the lockers.
“No!" I yelled trying to run but his arms threw me across the hall.
I could see him approaching me but before he can touch me a fist came out of nowhere and punched him in his nose making blood splatter everywhere.
“She doesn’t want to give it to you! Back off creep!” A short, fat girl yelled getting ready to swing again.
“Brianna, chill. Mess with someone your own size!” Tyler yelled wiping the blood from his nose remaining on the floor.
“That’s so funny because I was just about to say the same to you.” She crossed her arms standing in front of me like she was my body guard.
“Get out of my face!” Tyler yelled starting to stand. I could see humiliation written all over his face.
“Get out of hers! Ever since she starting going here you’ve been teasing her! Leave her alone and stop being a jerk! Everyone hates you Tyler! Those guys are only your friends because they’re afraid that you’ll beat them up if they reject you! Don’t ruin other people’s lives because yours is already at pit bottom!” She yelled so hard she started turning red.
The hallway was full of quiet people. Not a single word escaped a student or teachers mouth. For a second, it seemed like the entire world just froze stopping all noise and racket around me. Then the bell rang making the frozen world resume.
“Okay kids, shows over. Get to class and stay in class!” The principal yelled making his way through all of the rushing students. I started walking to my next class with huge butterflies in my stomach.
“Hey Laura, are you okay?” The short girl asked stopping me in my tracks.
I nodded and I kept walking. I felt protection and peace when she came near me. That didn't mean I was let my guard down. Just because she stuck up for me doesn't mean anything. No one at this school is worth trusting.
“Wait! I’ve seen you around and I think that you could you use a friend. So, I’m here okay.” She ended her sentence with a smile.
Her smile warmed my heart. It filled in the broken and destroyed pieces in my soul. I smiled and I whispered “thanks and I do. I need one really bad right now.” I almost came close to tears. Without any words she hugged me and it felt good. Even though she was shorter than me and the position were in was kind of awkward, that hug still felt amazing.
That’s all I really wanted. I wanted a hug. I wanted to know that someone was there for me.
I can tell that she was giving me her love. It wasn't that fake love that guys use to get in a girls head either. It was real. It was real and it felt amazing.
“Wow. I didn’t have one of those in a really long time.” I whispered trying to keep the tears from falling down. She giggled.
“Well, I’m here. Come talk to me any the time. I’ll even give you my number if you need anything.” She took out a pink flash card and quickly wrote down her cell and house number. After she gave it to me she hugged me once more and ran away.
As I walked to my class, I could feel tears running down my face. And me getting harassed didn’t cause them. They were happy tears and I loved how they felt. God was finally showing me that there really are people out there that care about me. “Thanks.” I whispered to God holding the pink flash card on my heart. “Thank you so much.” I whispered again letting more tears come down. After this day, I know that I’ll never be alone.