Standing Up

December 27, 2011
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“I didn’t mean it. It was just a petty argument. Do you still love me?”
“Can you give me another chance? Please just one more?”
The rain was pouring down from the skies, as they opened up and unleashed what could only have been the many tears I’ve cried over the past four months I’d been with you.
I guess we were out the honeymoon phase now because the days seem to drag on instead of coming like a new ray of hope on a cloudy day.
You’ll say you’re sorry one more time, just one more time. Sorry doesn’t mean anything it’s just a -way of re-actin when you know the big blue eyes and frown won’t work on my fragile heart which slowly every time it lands a blow from your tongue turns to stone. That face of an angle, smiles it way threw life as if nothing was wrong, could get away with murder if you flashed the darling cops your star wide smile and asked them nicely enough.
I put faith into that smile each time you said you were sorry, I put my trust into the arms which would never let me fall but left me cold all those nights you wouldn’t come home to me but found yourself somewhere in someone’s else bed, a stranger in a strange place, while I was left to fend for myself, at least I learnt to stand on my own two feet. I’m not as stupid as I once was; sorry won’t fix this broken home this time.
I hope it was worth it. I hope it was all worth it, we could have been great. We could have stood a chance against the world that wanted to throw us down, knock us down and we will stand stronger but where were you when I needed you, a shadow that’s all you were.
How was I meant to lean on a shadows shoulder and cry my worries and fears out. I cant.
I put your first but in doing so I tripped over you when I tried to move forward in my own little world. Ill pace back and forth on my hard wood floor with no shoes so I can feel the splinters, so I can feel something, clutching the phone I wish you’d call.
I was a dreamer. I use to think we could make it, I use to think maybe it was just a cloudy day in our past but really when I should of noticed after every one of our storms there was no rainbow, God didn’t promise us anything.
When I won’t be pushed around like the little girl you think I am, is the day God promise me a rainbow.
My phone days no messages and no miss calls, your being stubborn but I won’t go running into your arms begging for forgiveness, begging for you.
Not this time. Not ever again.
You say goodbye I say Hello. Not to you, not to an other heart breaker, not to anyone.
I said hello to freedom of knowing the air I breathe, the decisions I make and my own heart are finally mine.
“Well what do you say? We were good together, come on baby. One more chance I can change. What do you say?”
And I never felt so good.

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