Same Mistakes

December 23, 2011
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Hours of worrying. Tear stained cheeks. Eyelids swollen and heavy.
Never have I been so tired, and so unable to sleep.
For too long now, I’ve tortured myself over the inevitable “what if.”
What if everyone else was right, and I am made a fool?
Conveniently, I’ll hear only what I want to believe.
But remember that little saying, that seeing is believing?
That’s true, too. A bit less convenient.
I know. I saw.
There’s no turning back now. I need to be strong. I’m better than this.

A rehearsed, seemingly angelic excuse spills from his full lips, a sweet smile to match.
The lie cuts through me, a surge of water to douse out this fire.
Shaky, shallow breaths. I pop another pretzel in my mouth.
Press it, jagged and salted, against my tongue.
Let it burn as his words roll through my head.

I search the corners of his mouth for a single twitch of guilt.
Oh, he’s good. A soft smirk, and deep eyes shining down at me.
This familiar face, the one that won me over. And it will again.
“I believe you,” I barely whisper.
A routine kiss atop my head, and an empty embrace.
His breath warms my neck, his strong hand caresses my shoulder.
He locks our fingers together, flashing that smile again.

This is how it goes.
We walk tall through their hallways for the rest of the day.
Being in love for everyone but ourselves.
Tension whipping around our heads where flames once danced.
If this is happiness, then why the hell am I so sad?

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