I Confess...

December 21, 2011
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Have you ever seen something that you couldn’t tell anyone about? What if it was something so big that if you told, it would ruin your parent’s relationship? I wish I could say that I’ve never been in that situation. I wish I could say that I’ve never stayed up all night, wondering what would happen if I told. And not only wonder what would happen, but know that whatever did happen would be my entire fault. What child would want that on their shoulders?

All I ever dreamed about was having the perfect family. All I ever wanted was to have two beautiful parents, still completely in love. For the longest, that’s what I thought I had. We had a nice house, huge pool, fancy cars, a Siberian husky named Bruce, and the most perfect friends anyone could ever ask for. Constantly, we received comments about what a great family we were. Game nights every Wednesday were a must. Saturday we went to the movies, alternating between watching a movie my parents wanted to see, and following the next visit with a movie us kids wanted to see. Every summer we would travel to California for a week. No matter what was going on at home, it was so easy to relax all our problems away on the beach, soaking up all the sun. But that’s it. We had problems, lots of them. But you wouldn’t see that would you? You wouldn’t know that my sister and mom fight all day long. So much so, I tend to hide myself in my room. You would never know that my mom drinks excessively, or that my brother has a problem with stealing. But biggest of all, no one would dare tell that my father has been having an affair on my mother with a woman from his office. It had been going on for over a year, and the only person who had any idea, besides my father, was me. But you may be asking yourself, how would you know that? Why wouldn’t you tell someone, especially your mom?

I swear I could remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Thursday, the week before Christmas. After begging my dad for over two weeks to bring me into his office and watch him work, the day was finally here. Early in the morning, I was more than ready to get going. The crisp morning air hit my face as I opened the door. I sucked in a nice gulp. I’ve always admired how nice and peaceful it was around Christmas time. Once we reached the office, I greeted everyone I saw with a cheery hello. Even at 7 in the morning, none of his employees could fight the urge to smile and say hello back. His office looked gigantic. Glass windows covered one wall completely. A desk adorned with family pictures and a computer stood intimidating me in front of bookshelves as high as the ceiling.

“Dad, what are we going to do today?”

“Well honey, I have these files I have to go through.” He lifted up a giant pile of neatly organized paper and showed me. “Then, I have to sit in a meeting and listen to some boring guys ramble on about ideas that no one will listen to, or use for that matter” He chucked a little. My dad was good for making jokes about not caring what his bosses say. He always acted like he was the boss anyway, and that’s how everyone at the office saw him as. As far as I could tell, that was.

That whole day I just felt like the luckiest girl in the whole word. Hanging out for a whole day with my dad was always the best way, I could think of, to spend my day. Since he got backed up in dealing with his files, we had to stay over for a few hours. I didn’t really mind though, I had enough little books and things to play with. As I sat outside his office, I saw his secretary walk into the room with a stack of papers.

“More papers?!” I muttered to myself. I thought about how mom was going to kill him if he had my home too late. He did know my bedtime was 9:30, right? I waited a few minutes and turned around to peek in a window to see what was taking so long. Hopefully, we would be leaving soon. When I peeked in, I didn’t exactly see what I was expecting. I saw his secretary, on his lap, laughing and hugging all over my dad. Wait a minute! She’s not allowed to do that! He’s married, to my mom. Didn’t she know that? Of course she did, there was a picture right on the desk, wasn’t there? No, no. Clearly, I’m just misunderstanding. I know my dad, he’s not going to hurt mom like that. He loves her, doesn’t he? I turned back around and rubbed my eyes. I then turned around again to take another look. This time, she was kissing my dad. Now, I don’t know too much. But I know enough to know the only lady my dad should be kissing, is my mom. I sank back in the chair, fighting back tears. Once the lady walked out of the office, my dad waited a few minutes and followed.

“Ready to go, honey?” Dad reached out his hand and with a smile, waited for me to return the favor. But I didn’t. Instead, I shoved all my books in my bag, threw it over my shoulder, and walked away. He must’ve assumed I was just tired.

As we drove home, I glared out the window and tried my hardest to fixate my attention on anything but him. He wasn’t the man I thought he was. And most importantly of all, what should I do about mom? Will she even believe me? I highly doubt it. I stared at our house approaching. IT looked different, somehow. Less homey, maybe? Every step I took towards the house, felt like ten tons. To say a weight was on my shoulders would be a great understatement. My mom waited for us outside, her arms open wide. Why did she have to be so great? Doesn’t my dad know what type of woman he has at home? Even with my mom’s arms wrapped around me, clinging my body to hers, I felt like we were miles apart. Call it mother’s intuition, I suppose but she knew something wasn’t right.

“Did everything go good at work with dad?” Her eyes were full of concern.

“Yeah, mom. Everything went great. Just great.” I just couldn’t take this anymore. Watching my mom, so caring, so loving…was just tearing me apart.

“Steven, what’s going on with Ally?”

In my room I paced back and forth. Days passed. Then weeks. Even if I wanted to tell, it’s too late now. I became more distant. Excusing myself from dinner, drifting off during class, going to bed early. I wasn’t myself anymore and every day, my mom noticed it more and more. One night while making dinner, my mom finally snapped.

“Okay, that is it Ally! I’ve just had it. You aren’t acting like yourself and I need to know why. I just don’t understand. WE used to talk about everything, you and me.”

I sat down and took a deep breath. “It’s nothing. I’m just tired a lot I guess”

“Honey” She sat down next to me and grabbed my hand. “Tell me what’s REALLY going on”

I stood up. I just couldn’t take it anymore. If I keep this in for one more minute, I’m going to burst. My mom doesn’t deserve this, I thought. It’s just not right. My heart was pounding a mile a minute. My cheeks were turning crimson red. I balled my hands into fists. I let out a scream.

“FINE” I sit down, finally letting out the tears that have been held back for so long. “I confess…”

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