December 6, 2011
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My head was spinning, I desperately tried to force myself to walk straight, but it’s not an easy task when the ground keeps moving around under your feet. I could tell I was going to fall, but I was powerless. All I could do was brace myself and hope for the best.
‘Oh for gods sake! Can’t you see what you’re doing to yourself?’
Of course I know exactly what I am doing, I know exactly why I am doing it. It’s you that doesn’t understand. This is what I deserve, this is my punishment but, at the same time, it is also my cure. It doesn’t get rid of my problems, but I get a whole new set which push the rest of them to the back of my mind. Just as I am about to say this I feel the familiar burning sensation at the back of my throat…
‘Oh god… That’s disgusting, just get up will you!’
My throat burns and I can’t get rid of the taste, I want to cry out as the smell burns my nostrils. I try to stand but I slip and fall, the smell is overpowering, I try again. This time I manage a few feet before my legs give way. The ground over here is cool and damp against my hands, I press my cheek into the grass. I can hear someone yelling, but it seems so far away, too far away to matter. Tomorrow I won’t remember any of this, this whole night will slip my mind. I start to laugh as I slip into unconsciousness…

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