Happiness Comes and Goes

October 13, 2011
By Anonymous

Hatred, sorrow, misery and worst of all, heartbreak. Those were the words I hated the most and unfortunately for me, those were the words I felt on a regular basis. My name is Destiny. I was a pretty chill and happy go lucky kid until I entered 8th grade. Now all I am is a depressed and sad looking child that everyone picks on.

Everyday I write in my little quote diary and today's quote is, “Sick of crying, tired of trying. Yeah I'm smiling, but inside I'm dying.” I felt that way today because I try so hard to look happy and smile, but the truth is I struggle to find the good things in life. My friends encourage me to try and erase all those times a boy has let me fall in love with them only to break my heart like an ant on the sidewalk a few months later, or even to act as though my mom has never smoked a cigarette or gotten drunk on a week day just because she had a rough day at work. Yeah, of course I would love to erase those times, but things like that just don't go away. They stay in the back of your mind bothering you until you can't take it anymore.

Although, not all of the things in my life are miserable. They usually start happy, and then after a few days it turns sorrowful and sad just like all the other good things that happen to me. In my life, happiness comes and goes. It never stays and I think that's one of the reasons why I cry at night. For example, I'm in a relationship right now with Peter Hawk. We were so in love at first, but now we're having a hard time pretending we still love each other. But for some reason we haven't broken up yet...

I went to my bed and put my ear phones in. I turned up the volume loud enough so I couldn't hear my mom getting drunker and drunker each shot she took. A few minutes later I dozed off. It seemed like I had only been asleep for a few minutes and before I knew it, my alarm clock went off. “Ring, ring, ring!” That annoying stupid little alarm clock. Every time I hear that ring it feels like it's taunting me, telling me to start another hatred filled day. I never look forward to waking up and I think one day I'll make myself never wake up again... I reached for my quote book to think of the next depressing quote I would write, but as I searched for the perfect words that would fit me, I could only think of happy ones. All of a sudden I didn't feel the urge to write a quote that would possibly make my friends cry when they read it. It was an unusual feeling. The feeling of wanting to be somewhat happy and uplifted flowed through my body. I went to grab my pencil and started to write: “Remember you are born to live. Don't live because you are born! Don't go the way life takes you,take life the way you go!” All of a sudden I felt a sudden glimmer of hope and confidence that I could do anything and be anything I wanted. I started thinking of things I would try to do.

First off would be to try and actually brush my hair. I rarely even picked up a brush, let alone run my fingers through the knotted forest I called hair. Next I thought I would wear less eyeliner. I usually caked on my jet black eyeliner which left a semi-black stain. Instead, I searched through my makeup bag looking for some light colors that would bring out my eyes. I put on some mascara and rosy pink blush. I felt prettier and prettier the more I thought of happy things rather than sad things. I quickly went to grab my clothes. I grabbed the cutest clothes I could find in my cramped little closet, I was so excited to go to school, I haven't actually felt pretty or happy in a long time and it felt good. Once I got to school I felt confident and proud in how I looked.

As the bell rang, I walked to class. I was startled when I didn't see my friend Annabelle come to school. She comes to school everyday because her mom forces her to and she hasn't been absent since 5th grade. At morning break I ran to call her, she didn't answer her cell phone so I called her house phone. Her mom answered and told me news that crushed my heart... “Hello Ms.Breslin. I was wondering why Annabelle is not at school today.”, I said hesitantly. “Well, she had gotten mad at her father so she stormed off into the car and got into a car crash which has taken her life away.” Her mom said slowly. Immediately I hung up and ran outside as fast as I could. Tears started to run down my cheek and I couldn't stop them. One of my closest friends I had, was gone.

I screamed at the top of my lungs as I thought of something I could do to ease my nerves, but nothing was working. Annabelle was the person I could count on when the rest of the world let me down and now I had nothing left. I aimed a blade at my wrist and the moment I moved the blade next to my wrist, something snatched the sharp knife out of my grasp.

“Babe what are you doing?!” It was Peter. The boy who ignored me half of the time and only talked to me when he came to say good bye. “Oh, Hi Peter. I thought you didn't care about me anymore.”, I said trying to wipe the tears off my face. “Honey, I know I haven't been the best boyfriend to you, but I really want to change that. I heard what happened to Annabelle and I'm so sorry. If there's anything I can do, let me know.”, Peter said lovingly. “Aww thanks Boo. I love you.”, I said as tears started to run across my face. They weren't sad tears, they were happy tears. For the first time I actually felt loved and wanted. It was the best feeling in the world. I leaned over to kiss him on the cheek and hugged him tight. I never wanted to let go, he was the one.

… 2 Months Later...

Destiny Cam has been announced deceased. Friends have said it has been caused by depression and her boyfriend leaving her for another girl while others say her mother is responsible for her death. “Her mom always threatened to kill her.”, said one of her close friends. “She was suffering from a broken heart and decided not to live any longer. For she didn't see a reason to.” Says Bailey, a former classmate. Police are still trying to decipher Destiny's death. There have been no traces and nobody knows what ACTUALLY happened to Destiny Cam.

“I told you happiness comes and goes...”

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