August 20, 2011
By Anonymous

Story of my life
Starting a story is hard, ending one is even harder. When you are born, you are given the choice to be great or fall hard. You can never choose the boat you are given but you can direct the sails. That is a saying that I have lived as long as I can remember. This is a story of my past where I was being carried on my mother’s womb, conceived until I saw the beauty of life.

November 16, 1991 at exactly 06:50 evening was the time I conceived in this questionable world. The surrounding was devastating by the typhoon namely “Yayong”. I am the third child in the family. During the time I conceived in this world, my mother was just 26 years old and my father was 27.

According to my mom, by the time I was still on her womb, she was fond on seeing people who were dancing. She was fond on having party and fun. Until such time I delivered in this world. My first two weeks in this world. I was just cared by my mother while my father was on leisure and fun with Barkadas. Mom said, my father wasn’t even known yet about the sense of responsibility as a husband and father.

After a couple of month, she works hard as a vendor while my lola was my caretaker. I grew up and learned things from my loving lola and my girls’ cousins.

It still vivid in my entire psyche during my childhood stage which I enjoyed and learned the true meaning of life and so called sense of responsibility. I couldn’t even give vague parts of my life during that time. As I still remember, there was a fear and worries inside of my heart. Fear about my father and worries for my mother. I was trying to reverse those feelings into happiness that time. But there was a time I was almost ashamed and afraid of living in this world. I couldn’t avoid asking myself why I still given chance to spend life with somebody who made me feels unworthy, sorry, and made me feel discriminated.

God knows that my childhood time wasn’t good enough to remember. I know that fear and worry seem to be part and parcel of human life.

I was just 6 years old when I first enter in pre-school life. It was fun and full of learning’s that helped me to bring me up as I am right now. I am covered by the wonderful things, which mesmerized me, despite of those failings and fears about something in life.

I grew up together with my tita’s, lola, and lolo and my girls cousins. I was fond on playing with them. As I remember during my childhood, I was the one who made them laugh in a way of imitating like “Ms. Calendar Girl” hehehe. I don’t mind what I was doing that time but the only thing was in mind was “Ice Candy”. For the sake of “Ice Candy” I ramped like a candidate in “Ms. Calendar Girl” in front of my tita, kuya, cousins and acquaintances. I don’t know if it was right or wrong.

I continue my studies in elementary in the Baranggay where I lived. For almost 6 years of studying in elementary in Bagacay Elementary School it was actually occupied certain things that definitely made me brave and firmed. I was thinking that our life does not always end with a period; a comma sometimes follows it. My life continues through the moral support and financial support of certain persons that I treated special in my life.

In my elementary stage, I was preoccupied with the thoughts and worries, too much engrossed with the circumstances that lay before me. When moments of confusion and solitude enveloped me, I used to ask myself, who am I? What am I? Why? It sometimes lead mo to say that life harsh realities often put us on the verge of losing hope. During that stage I was confused and keep on asking about the real me. Sometimes I ignored answering questions lingering in my mind and others mind. I know that my parents was wondering the way I act, but still I don’t mind about it, until such time I used to be confronted by someone about my real identity still I cannot accept it that time, but I kept on playing feminine games such as Barbie dolls, Nanay Tatay, and my most favorite a competition like Ms. Calendar Girl. There was a time I remember when I caught by my father wearing my mother’s upper under wear so called – Bra-, using different cosmetics, and wrapping my head towel pretending that I was having a long hair. I used to wear hilled shoes/Sandals and ramped in front of our mirror with a glimpse of smile while uttering this line “MAGANDANG UMAGA SA INYONG LAHAT AKO PO SI WILMAR GUSABAS ANG INYONG MS. CALENDAR GIRL”. It made me laugh every time I remember the past. But when every time I remember the moment that I caught by my father, fear and anger is reverberating deep inside of my heart. I tried to bury those bad memories in the past but still it flashing.

I used to join competitions intermissions, and varied activities during my elementary stage. A collection of those experiences lead me to motivate myself in a way of saying that no matter how we define and associate the world’s struggle, circumstances are always imperative. These would restrain us from reaching our goals in life. Until I do graduated and proceed to secondary education in La Milagrosa Academy.

I was eager to stand once again, raise the real me, and ready to beat these odds and setbacks anticipating the warmth of sunrise as start of new hope, a renewed faith. I said, high school life is just another season of life and needs to strive hard towards creating as good and strong character someday.

By the time I entered in secondary life, as my educational pursuant, I had varied thoughts and sentiments about being a high school student. My first school year was full of consciousness with my surrounding, conscious the way I act, and deal with my new classmates. I was being timid in a one corner in our classroom. After a couple of months, I learned to deal with them confidently and finally eradicated the consciousness. After a year, and when I get fourth year, I finally determined myself as a teenager. During those past years in high school I realized that I am really different than the other males. Yah, I am a man but I am so called – GAY -. I can say and surely distinguished myself that I am a gay because of what we called “Crush” or “love” at first sight. Fortunately, I found someone in life, which I considered as one of my inspiration towards creating a better future. I found somebody, which I couldn’t even explain the feelings I had with him. It was actually a secret and forbidden feeling which I had graduated ‘til we get graduated. The feeling was inspiring with my daily life. I was almost ashamed every time I saw him and almost timid every time he is in front of me. Days past and months went through; the secret was unfortunately disseminated by my very talkative friend which caused me of being aloof with him. I used to be ridiculed during our class, by that time, being conscious and ashamed was enveloped me within the whole year of class. I finally reached the pinnacle stage of high school, the graduation day. A day of achievements and a day of saying goodbye!

“Finally I am already in college”. The only line I uttered when I get graduated from high school. It still vivid in my entire psyches the first day and my first class in college. I still remember it was almost refreshing with what I felt during my first day in class when I was in high school. It was almost the same.

College life could be considered as a final stage of struggle in building a strong character in life. College life is just a manifestation of our endeavor during our past years. A season of life measures how interested we are to have brighter future and a better life. This stage is just a season of life with nerve-breaking challenges that would help us to determine our capabilities and weaknesses.

After I successfully adapted to my new environment. I finally learned to interact with my new classmates, enjoy their company, and laughed with individuals I have never dealt before. In short, I started to overcome my timidity and gained confidence and self-esteem. I realized that being in college is both compelling and rewarding. It is both hard and rewarding.

I met varied people and types of personalities in college time. Once I met two different types of girt; Dawn and Model. I could still vividly remember that day when I first met them three years ago. It was nine in the morning month of June in our Nat.Scie class. It was our first meeting in class, naturally, our teacher Ms. Calamayo, asked the question; “What is your expectation in this subject?” We used to share our answer with each other and started to make friends with them. After a couple of month, we learned to have friends with Chopper and Ryan, the small but terrible guys in class. Chopper a guy who first captured me during our first class and Ryan my former crush when I was in high school. Thirdly, we mingle with other classmates and met Summer Dawn, a beauty queen who mesmerized the several guys in campus with her ala model height and white skin. Some other group in class used to describe us as “Suzzy”. But then, they found themselves wrong. I encountered so many circumstances in college that helped me to build me up with good personality as what I am right now.

I learned that a college student must develop the virtue of self-discipline. You have to learn to discipline yourself by having a clear focus and goals in life, having a total quality mindset and recognizing each day as an opportune time for improvement.

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Throughout the eighteen years I have spent living. I thought life to be a joyride composed of twists and turns. We just go to the place where the wind will take us, no worries at all. Sometimes we run out of fuel and stays for a stop over and sometimes we find ourselves alone in the crossroads uncertain of the way to where we will drive in but no matter how hard we have endured with this joyride or how we have reached our journey continues like a never ending process of life.

For once, I thought life is just a game by God. But based on what I have experienced, I would say life is just a second manifestation of what kind of parents we have. Fresh from my childhood memory, bundle of learning is the bottom line that summarizes our journey with life and experiences are the treasure and acquire as we go with it.

Now that I am in the stage of maturity, there is one learning that stock in my mind; a difficult situation can be handled in two ways; we can either do something to change it’ or face it. If we can do something, then why worry and get upset over it – just change it. If there is nothing we can do. Again, why worry and get upset over it? Things will not get better with anger and worry.

Life is a continuous journey beset with problems as long as we live in this wotld. For eighteen years, I couldn’t find the answers lingering in my mind. Yet, I just have to do good things to those people hates me for what I am and who I am.

Now that I am already in college and almost in the pinnacle of this stage, I am not aspiring for a diploma or having proficiency in the field I’ve chosen, but I have to develop a good image and build a strong character both as a student and employee. Above all, all these are just means to an end – acquiring education as my sole weapon in this journey called LIFE.

The author's comments:
.,Hi guys., just wanna share my story towards creating a strong character., This is based to a true story ssince I was young/.,

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