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The Life of Lucy-A Memoir of Sadness

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They're arguing again,yelling and cursing,I wish I was somewhere far away.I wish I was a Phoenix ascending to my nest,peacefully and quietly,maybe fly away to Britain,and stay there.My parents are shouting out each others past regrets,hurting deeply,causing unremovable damage.I'm committed to leaving as soon as I turn 18.Right now I'm saving up money for college,so I can become a photographer.As soon as I get older,I'm going to disappear,so my parents can't disappoint me anymore.My younger sister Sarah,had cancer in her esophagus,and she died when she was 11,mum and dad have fought ever since.I remember when we were younger,we would go to my grandmas and eat fricassee.Back when our family was happy,and me and my little sister were irresistible princess,ready to take on the world.Those times when we were both healthy,and mischievous children,are gone.Taken away by the pain of death,that cut so deeply into our hearts.I know I shouldn't be so hard on my parents,but they never once stopped to see how much pain I was in.They only remember the bad times they've had,and omit the happy ones.I don't know if they would be like that,if Sarah hadn't died,but she is privileged not to see all of this.During her last surgical procedure for the cancer,her health was getting worse,my parents had given up,but I had hope that she could fight it I was wrong.She died on a cold,hard hospital bed ,with tubes and needles stuck in her.My mother and father blamed each other,because they couldn't get over they're own grief.When the doctor told us she had passed,I was stupefied,not a tear shed,it was like all my memories had died,and I would never be happy again.I succumbed to the darkness,not enough strength left to fight it.Sadness was my assistant,following me everywhere,doing everything for me,it numbed the parts of me,that Sarah held.I'm not very conscientious towards people any more,and mostly they leave me alone.I wonder if my parents ever figured out,what a complete disastrous mess they've created.All they ever do is discriminate against each other,I am sick of them.They haven't said a word to me,except for "Lucy,don't forget to lock up the house before you leave." I hope someday that maybe I'll be fulfilled with love,and I'll never be sad,but it probably will always be there.Sorrow has a way of etching its way in,impossible to fill its tiny holes.For now I'm OK,blocking out the world,with my headphones on.Hiding the past and present,deep in the back of my mind.



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