Lies in the cradle

June 28, 2011
By Anonymous

I had screwed up many times in my life but this time I was royally screwed. I have no one to blame but myself; of course I could blame that b****** of a husband of mine who thought it was a good idea to go and die on me. Alright, Cassie calm down and pull yourself together. I took a deep breath in and looked back down at the white stick in my hand with the word “positive” displayed on the screen. This was the last thing I needed.

I pulled myself together and found the strength to get myself off the bathroom floor and to a phone. I dialed the number knowing it by heart; I had done this three times before. “Dr. Anchor’s office, can I help you?” Came from the other end.

“Hi I need to make an appointment,” I pause for a moment pushing myself to state the reason for my appointment. “For a pregnancy test.” I finally got out. “Alright, what is your name and when is the best time for you?” the receptionist asked. “My name is Cassie Jennings and if it’s possible I would like to come in as soon as possible. “There was silence on the end and then finally the receptionist spoke. “”Ms. Jennings, we have a twelve thirty will that work?” “Yes, that is perfect thank you.” And with that I hung up.

So this was it, this was really happening. How? How, did I get here? I guess the answer to that would be Danny, or as I like to call him, “mistake number one.” He’s got everything going for him, a smile that can light up a room, enough money to spoil a girl rotten, and a face I could stare at all day. The only downfall is his wedding ring. We’ve been together for almost a

year now. After Jack, my husband, passed away I was on my own with three kids and bills pilled high. That’s when Danny swooped in and saved the day and stole my heart.

I never imagined myself as the “other woman”, but then I never imagined myself as a widow either and yet I was. There was something about Danny that just seemed like it was right and that was all I needed. He was great with the kids and more help than I could have asked for. We don’t talk about if he will leave his wife, I don’t know that either of us want that. It seems to be perfect the way it is.

We have had our rough spots though, which could be called mistake number two. It was about a month ago, Danny was going away on vacation with his wife and kids, on our anniversary. No matter how hard I pushed Danny refused to stay with me that weekend instead of going on the trip. He said “that would look suspicious, Cas.” I finally backed down and stopped pushing. That weekend was the weekend from hell, well what I can remember of it.

My parents had taken the kids for the weekend, they said I looked like I needed a break, they didn’t know how right they were. I was lonely and childless so of course I ended up at a bar. Everything from the third shot of tequila is a bit fuzzy but I do remember the next morning, waking up to a complete stranger lying in my bed naked, and the sick feeling I had in my gut. That’s when my already totaled life took a turn for the worse and ever since there it’s been a slow spiral down.

Of course Danny came back with two dozen roses and a heartwarming apology I couldn’t refuse and that night seemed to slip my mind as soon as he flashed his gorgeous smile. I kept that secret for over a month now, and it was working well for everyone.

I arrived at the doctor’s office at 12:20, I sent Danny a text, I couldn’t call him because it was during his lunch break which meant that he was having his daily lunch with Julie, his wife and a call from his mistress would put a damper on their time together. We wouldn’t want that. I parked the car in the first spot I saw available. You can do this Cassie; if it’s positive you will figure out how to make it work. Everything is going to be ok, this baby, if there is a baby, is Danny’s and there’s no reason to believe it’s not. You can do this. With one last deep breath I emerged from the car and into the doctor’s office.
“Well, Miss Jennings it looks like you’re going to be a mother again. Congratulations!” Dr. Anchor smiled giving me a pat on the knee. She had no idea what she had just done. “Is there any way we could possibly do a DNA test?” I gulped hoping I got the answer I wanted. “No, I’m sorry this is far too soon to be able to determine that information. As you get further along in your pregnancy, we will be able to perform the test for you.” “Thank you” I replied and gathered my belongings. On the way to my car I pulled out my phone checking the time, one o’clock which meant Danny was on his way back to work and the coast was clear to call.
“Hello.” His voice sounded unsteady.
“It was positive.” I said emotionless.
“Are you sure?’’ he asked I could hear the panic in his voice.
“Yes I am sure! I have taken four tests, actually five counting the one I just took at the doctors. Danny how much more proof do you need?” I was getting frustrated now, not only with him but with myself I knew I was doing the wrong thing, I was ruining his life without a hundred percent certainty that this baby I was carrying was in fact his. But at this point for my sake it was

better that he thought he was the father rather than him finding out about the night I had too many tequila shots and a one night stand, yes this was better.
“What are you going to do?” He asked.
Was he really going to put this all on me? My plate was already full with three kids and now a fourth on the way. “Me? I think you mean ‘we”, face it Danny this is your baby and you are going to have to tell your wife, or I will. And I don’t know about you but I think she would have a worse time with this if it came from the pregnant mistress than from you.” I was going to hell, that was all there was to it. here I am lying to the man I love telling him that this kid is his when in reality I don’t know if that’s the truth. Maybe I should just tell him, or maybe he’ll just break it off with me and I’ll never have to explain it to him.
“You’re right. We are in this together. It takes two to make a baby right?” He forced a laugh.
“That’s right you and me.” I replied.
“I will head home now and break it to Julie. It’s going to be alright. Cassie, I love you and this baby.” And with that he hung up. I was shocked I never thought that he would actually go right home and end things with his wife. I don’t know if that’s what I want, I could be ruining a family, there were children involved and I would be the one responsible for taking their father away from them. But maybe not, he may decide that I’m not worth it and he’d be right at this point I was as far down on the moral totem pole as a person could get. Heck if I was him I’d stay with my wife, not my cheating mistress.
Around five as I was getting dinner ready for the kids and trying to figure out how to break the news to them that there was going to be a new addition to the family, the phone rang,
my stomach turned as I saw Danny’s cell number on the caller ID. “Hey’’ I answered continuing to prepare dinner.
“It’s done, I left.” He sounded oddly calm and maybe a little proud of himself. I on the other hand was shocked this was not how I saw things going. Many in my shoes would have been jumping for joy because he had picked me but I felt nothing but disgust with myself. “Alright, can I call you later the children are getting ready to eat.” I hung up the phone quickly not letting him get a word in. This was not going to work; I had already ruined my life I didn’t need to pull anyone else down with me.
That night I put the kids to bed without telling them the news, I would do that in the morning. But first there was something I had to take care of, I retrieved my cell phone from my purse and opened a new text message.
“Danny, this isn’t going to work. It’s best you forget about me and go back to your wife. I don’t love you and I don’t know if I ever did.” I hit the send button.
This was for the best even if it was a lie, what Danny didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him and now he had no chance of ever hearing the truth.

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