Stillness

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In the stillness remembering what we had
But I can’t put my finger on where we went wrong
How do I tell you that what we have is dead?
Will you understand what I’m trying to tell you?
Well of course you will…I know you feel the same way too
I’ve spent my first half of life with you
We grew up together
I’ve witnessed you changing, not necessarily for the better
But it’s vice versa with me…isn’t it?
I love you but not the way a girlfriend should love her boyfriend
I think we are too much alike and I regret it so much
We know what it’s like to be rejected and hurt
I agree that we avoid the topic of breaking up
I try to wrap my mind around the fact that we’ve been together
For so long but now our love for each other has faded
Let’s admit that we are both comfortable with each other
Too comfortable
How is this relationship even healthy anymore?
We’re so comfortable to the point where we can’t be honest anymore
It’s pathetic
I guess we’re both cowards wit no balls
We can’t admit that we want to separate
Tell me honey is it rejection or the thought of being alone?
I’ll tell you why I don’t want to leave
You’re the only one who’s accepted me for who I am
The only one who respects my space and creativity
The one who knows how to treat me like a lady
You’re the one who pushed me into my dreams
Babe you’re the one who’s been there every step of the way
How would I be repaying you if I left?
Don’t think that I don’t feel guilty for thinking these unkind thoughts
I feel bad every time the thought crosses my mind
Or when someone asks how our relationship is going
We’ve always been honest with each other but why not now?
It’s as if time has stopped on our relationship
But each day we look in the mirror we’re getting older
And drawing apart from each other
It’s bad, because now were emotionless and inconsiderate
The other night when you left
I didn’t call to see if you were alright and got there safe
And when you came back in the morning-
You didn’t make me a plate
What kind of love is that?
We work in the same studio but take different cars
We sleep in separate beds on different floors of our house
I go out and never tell you where I am
And you never ask
The other night I saw you flirting with Lisa
And I was rooting for you, hoping that would go somewhere
But you met my gaze and walked out the room
Since then I haven’t seen Lisa
I care for you deeply but that’s not enough
I know you love me, but it’s the love for a long lost friend
The love for a childhood memory-
I’ll always be there but you’re growing up
I respect that
Babe I have to tell you
I don’t feel any sparks
I don’t get excited
You don’t run on my mind
I keep secrets from you
Hence this big one
For a while I’ve only been thinkin about me
Me alone
Maybe I should leave the group
Is that the best option?
I don’t have anywhere to turn to
Can I walk away now?
The clock has stopped ticking for us
I need to fly away now
Is it impolite of me to say goodbye?
I thought I’d never be in a long relationship
This was my first
And I know it was yours too
Love I remember everything but now I don’t smile
I want to though…will you let me?
Would you mind if I walked away from it all?
I want to be alone
I’m not so scared of standing on my own
I know I won’t be for a long time
But do you know what…Nine years is a quite long
I respect the work you do
I remember what we had
And compare it to what we have
It’s not the same
The relationship is as different as night and day
As uneven as the number three
I don’t want it to be this way for you or me
I want to explore but I’ve explored enough with you
The kisses used to have a meaning
They usually lead to something
We both agreed to stop that cuz now we both feel weird
Those touches you had on me
Now I feel goose bumps but not for the right reasons
The smile that had me weak in the knees
Now makes me stand in good posture
I know that we will always be friends
*We have that deep connection but it’s not meant for us to be lovers
I know that we’ve both tried and given it our all
But like every chapter, we need to move on
Just like every book comes to an end
Every song can play again but it’s usually on repeat
We met each other when we were young
We’ve made our song; we’ve made more than one
Seriously…babe do you wanna press repeat?
Would it hurt more the second and third time?
Let’s just leave it once for the record player
I’m tired of hearing it
You are my best friend; I’d rather have you be that then nothing at all
It’s unfortunate that you cannot be both
Remember what I told you
“Jack of all traits masters none”
Its better this way, excel as my friend
But let me find my true lover
I want you to be happy and as sad as it may seem
I know you’re not happy with me
No hard feelings, I’m not hurt at all love
We need to be free
Free from each other
Let us both smile for good causes
Let us make jokes and laugh about this
I’m perfectly fine and I know you will be too
You’re a wonderful guy; it’s just that our time is up
We shouldn’t worry about growing old alone
We are both great people; here is where we’re both stubborn
The heart tells it all
Our mind wants to say it
We need to move on
Just promise that you’ll always be my friend
In the stillness remembering what we had
But now we have to move on





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