Help Me Chapter 2: Condescending

March 15, 2011
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“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” ~From a headstone in Ireland

…but one if the one that you lost…is the one that you love? I really didn’t know how to deal with losing Daniel, and being the idiot I am I decided to go to the internet for help. So next time somebody’s at my house using google, don’t be at all surprised when Death Sympathy Quotes comes up in the search history.
Am I the only one out there that doesn’t like hearing things like that? I mean…if death leaves a heartache that no one can heal, what’s the point in masking it in a love that no one can steal. I don’t know how to deal with any of this, and I think that quote that was supposed to be pretty…just went and made my life feel even crappier.
It’s been a weak since Daniel died in the car accident, and I have been hearing this from my mother and father all weekend.
>It’s alright Damien…he’s in a better place.
>Don’t think too much on it…you’re young, you’ll make other friends.
>Sweetie, do you want to not go to school Monday. I think this might be upsetting you a little bit too much.

Why no it isn’t upsetting me at all, I just bawl my eyes out every night and bloodied my knuckles in an angered punching fit, because that’s what I do for kicks. My parents weren’t making it any better, and frankly I would have much rather just locked myself up in my room, than listen to any more of their blather.
I think I hear somebody coming…so I’m going to pay attention to reality now, see you all later. There was a pause and I heard a knock on my door, a bit curious to whom it may be.
“Who is it?” I called hoarsely, trying to mask the fact that I had been crying. They didn’t need to know how upset I was, I didn’t want them to know how unstable I was feeling at the moment. I had been mean and condescending towards my parents, throwing around sarcastic comments and being a smart a** to my mother. I know my mother cared about Daniel as well, and well…my parents were pretty much the most accepting parents I knew. I told them about why Daniel’s death upset me so much, and they…pretty much told me that they knew it all from the start.
Something about the way I looked at him, and the way that he looked at me. I really don’t know how they do it, they’re pretty great. But I’ve been bad to them…and I think I need to apologize soon. There was a pause from the other side of the door, and then the clearly feminine voice of my little sister Kara was ringing in my ears.
“Can I come in Damien?” she asked, as she knocked a tad bit harder on the door. She seemed urgent, and I didn’t want to go and snap at her either.
I dabbed at my eyes with the sleeve of the shirt that I was wearing, and quickly straightened out my disheveled hair in the mirror on the other side of my room.
“Sure Kara…come on in.” I said quickly, and soon she was across the room. She was never one for personal barriers, and had her arms around me tightly. She also wasn’t one to tread lightly on sensitive subjects, and I think I liked it better that way.
“I miss him too y’know…he was like my brother…well my other brother.” She said, as she cracked a soft smirk directed at me, not cruelly of course. Her thin arms tightened around me, and I felt myself wrap my larger arms around her. I just realized…I wasn’t the only thing affected by this…Daniel’s death. His family…his mother, his father his grandparents…my family, even Kara they had all been close to Daniel.
She had her head against my shoulder now, and I could tell by the way she was shaking lightly and the dampness against my neck that she was crying. “Kara…” I muttered, as I held her close.
“Don’t forget him Damien…just keep remembering please.” She said softly, “Don’t forget him…but don’t let him run your life.” She said quietly.
And the rest of the night I spent in my sister’s arm, and we both cried. It felt better, it felt like I might live through this.

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